20 years ago my wife had two affairs one of my sons is not mine?

I understand you. Listen I'm no expert on this, but leave the past in the past. It has happened a long time ago, of course it was wrong of her to do it, but she came to admit it and asked for forgiveness.

I'm not justifying her at all. It was a mistake. But people make mistakes.

We are not perfect. I'm sure you love each other, and you have a great family. Why ruin it over some ''ancient history''?

;).

So she spread her wild oats yrs ago,get over it,deal with it and live happily ever after,know that you not the 1st this has happen to and sure not the last. Tips to help you move on pass the past. The offended is usually reluctant to forgive,====I approach the subject of forgiveness from the perspective of someone (me) who believes in forgiveness, but also believes that marriage should be fair.

Prefer for her to be honest and get it over with so you both can begin the healing process====man 2 man here bro Forgiveness is something I believe in with all my heart. I forgive others and have been forgiven many times. God wants us all to be forgiving just as he has forgiven us.

And, as you have noticed, when you don't forgive someone, it can "eat you up." It's not healthy to keep resentment bottled up inside of you. The vast majority of couples I counsel who have been through the horror of an affair, have better marriages after the affair than before.

It's because the affair jolts them into recognizing the need for building an affair-proof marriage, and the safety precautions they use help them create compatibility and love. But has the offended spouse forgiven the offender in these marriages? Yes and no.

First let's try to understand what forgiveness is. One illustration is telling a person who owes you $10,000 that he won't have to pay you back. You "forgive" the debt.

In other words, forgiveness is eliminating a obligation of some sort. ------------this is real counsel bro; But we generally don't think of money when we think of the need of forgiveness. Instead, we are concerned about inconsiderate behavior that has caused us great pain and suffering -- the pain that an affair causes, for example.

Forgiveness in these situations means thinking about the person as if the offense never took place. That is extremely difficult to do. The offended spouse usually thinks, what can he or she do to make it up to me.

How can I be compensated for the pain I've suffered. To make matters worse, whenever a wayward spouse sees me for counseling there is rarely regret and rarely a willingness to compensate the offended spouse. They usually ask to be forgiven, but that doesn't mean he or she is deeply remorseful.

It usually means that he or she doesn't want us to bring up the subject anymore, or require a change in behavior. In other words, the wayward spouse wants the pain suffered by the offended spouse to be ignored or forgotten. Like a $10,000 debt, they want it forgiven, and then they want to borrow another $10,000.

I'm in favor of forgiveness in many situations, but this isn't one of them. In the case of infidelity, compensation not only helps the offended spouse overcome the resentment he or she harbors, but the right kind of compensation helps restore the relationship and prevents the painful act from being repeated. Has she considered the circumstances that led to her affair?