As a child could you divide and conquer your parents or did your parents stick together when you challenged them?

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Best “united front” parenting I’ve ever seen. They were terrific at it, and terrific parents. I learned an incredible amount about being a parent by watching what they did—and I had the added advantage of being the youngest, so I also got to watch my parents with my older sibs’ kids before my own came along, and watching my mom with the kids she baby-sat for in our home.

Seriously—we all learned very early that trying to play one parent against the other was an exercise in futility, so we stopped trying, very early. I used the same techniques with my kids, and it was very successful—PAIRED with NEVER, EVER promising something I couldn’t do, FOR ANY REASON. I’d say, “I will do this IF WE CAN, but I cannot promise.

” My kids weren’t spanked except under VERY specific circumstances—mostly having to do with running toward the street! But if they were being repeatedly disobedient, the third warning was “I have told you three times now to stop that behavior. If you don’t stop RIGHT NOW, you’ll get a swat.

” They knew I meant what I said, because I always DID mean what I say, and demonstrated it. However, the most valuable child-rearing advice my folks gave me, I certainly have found to be true in ALL sorts of circumstances—CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES! In other words, decide beforehand what behaviors you can and cannot tolerate, and then—stick to your guns.

If you’re going to go to the wall on something, don’t start and quit. That served me VERY well, with the kids, and I apply it to all sorts of other things.Is this worth going to the wall for? Saves me a whole lot of stress.

My kids are now 21 and almost 19. They're healthy, doing well, either gainfully employed or in college, and are delightful to be around. They've turned into responsible, sensible adults.

Sources: Personal experience NancyE's Recommendations Between Parent and Child: The Bestselling Classic That Revolutionized Parent-Child Communication Amazon List Price: $13.95 Used from: $6.98 Average Customer Rating: 5.0 out of 5 (based on 23 reviews) Excellent book... but I stymied my parents by reading it, when I was about 9, which made it somewhat more difficult for them to apply..

We tried, but it backfired! My brothers and I found if we wanted to do something and we knew our mom would not approve, all we had to do was wait until Dad took his afternoon nap. We found if we called his name, he would answer, ALWAYS with his eyes tightly shut, and ALWAYS with a Yes!

Well after about the thirds time of this, Mom questioned Dad. Of course, he did not remember. When we all insisted, Mom made us confess to how we got him to give us the o.k.

And not remember it. She even tried it herself the next afternoon. We kids thought we were off the hook, but were we wrong!

The evening after Dad's nap when Mom tested our strategy on Dad, They had a long talk. Then we were gathered up and told of their decision. We were told (It was true) that what we did was not honest.

We knew what mom's answer would be, so we tried to over rule her decision. Also, taking advantage of Dad talking in his sleep was also deceitful. She pointed out how disrespectful we had been to both of them.

We all thought at this point, we were going to be spanked. Instead, we were given extra chores, and missed our privileges to go to a movie on the weekend. We never even tried to get a better answer again.

We were told corporal punishment would be the result. No meant no, from either one of them. As far as it being healthy for us, Yes , and no.It is a perfectly normal trick that most children will try.

Divide and conquer "The Parental Units" . It is not healthy if parents allow it to persist. If one or the other of the parents allows this to continue, they are enabling the children to be rewarded .

It is essentially letting them get by with lying to you both! It can also cause havoc in the spousal relationship.(If one spouse knowingly allows this to continue. ) Looking back on it, I am glad my parents became a united front.

It also taught me the value of having an honest marital relationship.It must have, I have been married for 30 years! Ha, Ha. Sources: My own experience .

They were joined like GLUE! My parents definitely came at me on a united front regarding any big decisions or issues that arised. Thank goodness I was pretty scared of them as a kid so I didn't require much intervention...however, I caused much heartache later in life when I decided to do tons of travel to 'not so safe' spots in the world, do wierd jobs and live on my own without much of a plan.

They would come up to me and say..."Your father and I have been thinking" etc...stuff like that. They now wonder if all their leniency was a good idea and I confirm to them now, that I needed to have wings and GO! :) My husband and I are the same way.

We totally try to be on the same page all the time, even if sometimes my view are at times not the popular 'winning' vote, but the kids, I feel, benefit from that and don't get mixed expectations from us. I believe sticking together with my husband is one thing that bonds us as parents...we love each other, despite having different opinions on our kids' issues at times. We are very ying/yang and it has been wonderful for us.

When our daughter had health issues for a good part of 6 months, she was so demanding that we had to be on the same page and unite, or else we would have lost ourselves trying to make her feel better...our united front in every direction brought us very close together and for that terrible time, I'm happy about the lessons it taught us and STICKING TOGETHER. Sources: my life .

Parents, what parents, I was hatched. My father was very parental, my mother would buy us things to shut us up. There was never a need to play them off against each other.

If Dad said no there was no arguing but we knew if we waited long enough Mom would buy us something to take the sting out of whatever Dad said no to. No manipulation was required. As for my own children, we had a contract, it was in writing, we all signed it, it was enforced.

Now as as young adults they have verbal boundaries. My expectations are clear. If they want anything from me they have to tow the line.

They know damn well that going to Dad does no good because he only does things for them when there is something in it for him. The contract we had was fairly simple. When I said "no" it was because of financial, safety, or educational reasons.

According to the contract I could not say no in anger or just because I was in a bad mood. The contract actually stated that I would say yes whenever possible (excluding finances, safety or education concerns). The trade off was that once I said "no" there was no argument.It was accepted without complaint, manipulation or tantrum.

It was a pain to say yes to things when I was tired or grumpy but the net result was that the kids felt they had a chance of being dealt with fairly and we didn't have the arguments that a lot of families had when it was time for bed, curfew, homework etc. There were times we negotiated (not on the three big concerns, no was no on those issues). Most of the negotiation was when they wanted something and I was dead tired. I would acknowledge the contract to say yes, then ask if we could do what they wanted when I felt better.

The catch was that I HAD to follow through. They would get a calendar and write down when I would do what they were asking for (go to the lake, go bowling etc. ) so that it wasn't a "no" it was a "yes but not immediately". As long as I followed through we were good.

There were times that the circumstances overwhelmed the contract but the fact is that most of the petty crap was avoided with the contract. It isn't perfect but it sure stopped a lot of arguments. As for my ex.

He broke his contract one too many times. That would be why he is my ex.

My father ruled over his kingdom. No one dared challenge his authority. We didn't like it then, but now we realize how effective it was.

Spare the rod.....spoil the child. I truly believe in it. Children will try all kinds of tricks to get their way.

Doesn't work in my house. Tough Love, baby.

Quite often when mum said "No" Dad would listen to an argument and if he felt I had cause, he'd argue my case with mum, didn't always work in terms of my getting what I wanted, but I think it was good as it taught me that if tyou can present a good reason for something, you have more chance of getting it. Of course being children, my brother an I abused this system on occasion, but on the whole I think I'd use this with my kids as it's good to have a forum for listening to justification of what may at first seem like a random request. If my mum and dad agreed their answer was "no" they would stick together with that decision.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.