Birthday party and Sleepover issues and concerns for 10yr old. HELP?

Birthday party and Sleepover issues and concerns for 10yr old. HELP My son is turning 10 this weekend. He is having his best friend sleepover Friday & Sat we are doing a BBQ.2 other boys will be spending Sat night, & watch HP movies.

One other has asked, well his mom has, and Im unsure about it. He is a friend, but not a bedwetter like my son, his 2 friends & my nephew. They normally wear pampers size 6 or 7, but my nephew is now too big for them so he wears attends.

Tried the Goodnites but they leaked. They do wear PJs over them most the time, but its still noticeable, esp the attends. The other boy is in cubscouts & class w/ my son, & is one of is better friends, but has no idea of the wetting issues.

Its "movie night, so they are changed for bed b4 the movies start, just in case. Ideas on how to talk to the mom about my concerns that her son might tease the other boys and tell their biggest secret. Can I suggest her son wear "protection" as well, even if it's only a goodnites?(my sons suggestion) Is that too much to ask or?

Any ideas? Asked by fish4walleye 31 months ago Similar questions: Birthday party Sleepover issues concerns 10yr HELP Family > Parenting.

Similar questions: Birthday party Sleepover issues concerns 10yr HELP.

Wow, this is when its hard being a parent.... Well this has come up at my house many times. Since a large # of the boys (ages 6-15+) in Foster care are bedwetters, and some even daytime too so its something that does come up. And all my boys are bedwetters, atleast.My eldest is almost dry nightly now and he is excited about that.

There are a wide range of ways this can be handled. I have handled it several different ways, often based on the child that is staying over (any interaction I have had with them, how polite they are, or if a smart mouth or sneaky or?), as well as my gut feeling after talking with their parent(s) in general about sleepovers and rules. Sometimes I will approach the subject with the parent.

Esp if I could do it in a way that it did not make my son, of the same age, look like it was him, just in case. I have used the "One of my boys has issues with nightime accident, and I want to make sure that your son will be understanding and not tease. As any teasing, will result in Punishment thta fits the crime, and or a call home for you to pick him up immediately, no matter the time".

Most parents are very undertanding this way, and often I have found out that the boy was or has a sibling that is a wetter and that his parents would not condone any teasing and I have full permission to punish as I see fit, should it happen.My nephew lived over an hour away, so I have used him as the scape goat as well and again most parents were pretty ok, and can understand that a child, esp a boy wants to keep it quiet. (seems boys are a lot more worried about it than most girls are, I think partly due to the "be a man" and "be tough" sterotypes they see and learn, and they don't want to show anyone else any signs of weakness or flaws. Also since your son was in fostercare, if you ever get a rude or judgemental parent, I have had a few, I found a great way to make them think and see how big of an ass they are acting like.

A line like, "well, Timmy, was in foster care of many years, and abused badly before that. Its not his fault his parents were rude narrow minded self centered jerks. Your does not know how lucky he is to have a safe home where he is fed 3 good meals a day and not beaten nightly for asking for a glass or milk or water."

It will often a few peoples thought process, esp those that have had sheltered lives. With several boys staying over, in this case, your son could be the one that talks to the boy. He could tell him his cousin has a problem, or how ever he wants to phrase it.My boys have got this done to a science, so I don't have to worry about sleep overs anymore, normally.

But he can tell his friend that the other boys know and they support him by wearing "protection" or a diaper or however he wants to phrase or call it, to help make his cousin feel better about it and so he knows no one will tease him. If he does this at the begining of the sleep over, it should work. If the kid really wants to sleep over that bad, I bet he woudl give in to the peer pressure of yoru son and or even all the boys asking him.

Even if it was just said that 1 of them still has a problem and since they are all great friends they support each other and all wear them so they are all like brothers that way, or the 3 musketeers, a team or such. Also if the boy is having his mom ask for him to sleep over, I assume he asked your son and he said he had to clear it with you first, then maybe the boy has never been to a sleep over. Could be he was a wetter and is now dry and wants to do his first sleepover.

If that is the case, it should go really well. I have also been the one to tell the kids, that since they have never slept over before, that the basic rule is you need to wear some protection under your PJs just to make sure the beds/sofa/floor stays dry. I have told them this as a group when there are several new ones, and also just pulled one aside and told them.

If there is concern I will tell them that they are not the only ones wearing and I am sure if I ask, the rest will wear some to if it will make them feel better. Normally that is all it takes and they say ok. When its time for them to get ready, I will give them a goodnites and let them go change.

A few times one of my boys toss a diaper to a friend and they froze. It was so funny. Because they do it to the new one, before he would take his or such.

Then he would relax and see that he would not be the only one and no one would tease or laugh at him. These are a few of the ways I have dealt with it. I also make sure that all the boys know my house rules.

They are posted on the back of each bedroom door. I also make sure they know I don't allow any teasing of any kind, not to each other, to older or younger kids, NONE. And if they do it, they will be punished or sent home on the spot.

No exceptions. I also tell them that punishment in my house, fits the crime, and that I don't belive in hitting a child, so don't think I will hit or harm you, I wont. I have had a few that teased, and they were then put in a diaper for the rest of the time they were staying, be it over night, or the weekend or such.

And I have never had a parent upset at that, because when I explain why I did it, and that this way their son can get immediate feedback and see the results of his actions and choices, and also will understand how the other child feels and why teasing is so bad. I would suggest that you and your son talk about it and see what he thinks. If this is a good friend that he thinks can be trusted, then I would say Go for it, and see which way works best.

Talk to his mom about sleepovers and your rules and such. And maybe let your son and or the other boys in general talk him into wearing something, to show that they can trust him with their secret, and that he is one of them too that way. I can tell you that any of the boys that have worn a goodnite, pullup, pampers, diaper, etc have never told other kids at school afterwards.

The strangest is that I have had a good friend ask me about his sonm Doug’s comment. He was 9 and stayed a weekend with me and my boys many years ago. I only had 2 at the time, and a cousin that was 6-153 was spending time with us as well.

After they picked Doug up and all and they got to talking later he told them " he got to wear a pull-up again". It was his first time spending a night, and the boys talked about it. He wore a goodnite and they were in diapers.

It seemed that he was excited about what he wore when he told his folks, so when Kirk called me I explained and he chuckled and understood. S brother had been a wetter and so he understood the "taboo" feelings and fears the boys had. He was just shocked how Doug said it.

Also in the winter time, have your son wear the 1 piece sleeper PJS. You can get the good ones from Lands End (my boys, even the eldest love them). I have gotten them at mervyns and Target also.

Have an extra in his size, as well as 1 size larger. They are a great way to hide a diaper, and if a friend sleeps over and wears protection too, its a way to help hide the buldge, and kids seem to love them once the idea that they are only for little kids is dispelled. Since they are warm, soft and snuggly.

Mine will wear them all weekend long in the winters if they could.... One thing my eldest asked me to do a few years back when he was having a sleep over was to take a picture of them all being silly. So I got a few shots of that and the boys were having fun. Then he talked them all to do a "diaper" moon to me and I took the picture.

He looks back and smiles when he sees that picture in our private photo album. When any of those friends come to visit they all love that shot too, and tell me how cool it is. They all know its them, but you cant see their faces, so even if anyone else saw it they would never know.

(unless they saw the pictures of them goofing around before hand and matched the sweats/pj pants to the face in the other shots) but this is something that they seemed to really enjoy and gooffing off being silly is normal boy stuff too. Something to keep in mind. Or if you got a point and shoot camera, let the boys take silly picts of each other.

Its a fun sleepover thing for any kids, and something they can talk about later and even look at the picts the later that night or the next day on the tv or computer.. A great way to get them to start laughing really really hard later. That has lead to a tickle attack at my house a few times too... Also bedwetting, adhd, learning issues and such is an issue my kids cubscout leaders and even the boyscout leader talked about every year, and that its rude to tease or pick on someone for being different. And that picking on someone for something that they cant even control or have any say in or is medical, is not only wrong but goes against the boyscout way.

That was always a short speech that hit home to many of the kids and parents and made it easier later one if they slept over or even if one was just having a hard time in school. You might want to talk to the pack leader about that too. I have even given a speech to the weeblo scouts about medical conditions and what a true friend is.

I talked about adhd, bedwetting, and phobias as those are the most common. I also talked about the Golden Rule, "Treat others they way YOU want them to treat YOU!" and that also hit home with them. One boy would always try to be funny and make a joke about diapers being for babies and such, and I would correct him, and tell him they had diapers his size, and did he think he was a baby.

And would also tell them about goodnites that are made to fit teens even and that normally got him settled back down and made them all think about it. I then gave them something to think about when I was done. If you had to have a disability, which would you prefer, and why.

I would then give them normally 4-5 choices, including, blind, deaf, confined to a wheel chair, bedwetter & or daytime wetter, and paralized or missing limbs. Normally they all would pick being a wetter, even if in the days too, over the rest of the choices and they then saw that it was not as big of a deal, and that those that have the issue didn’t pick it and cant help it... Just like you cant help if your right or left handed or if you can dance or not, or sing or not, or what color your eyes are. I hope this helps you out.

If I can be of more help send me a message! Good Luck and God Bless you and yours! Also you might want to check out Angel Fluff Diapers, They have a website.

Sources: My life experiences and my thoughts as a single adopting/foster daddy with 5 fun loving boys ages 6-16 all with ADHD & enuresis! GlacierWaterIsCold's Recommendations Real Boys' Voices Amazon List Price: $16-153 Used from: $0.01 Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5 (based on 15 reviews) Dippy's Sleepover: A Reassuring Story for Kids Who Have a Bedwetting Problem Amazon List Price: $6-153 Used from: $0.74 Average Customer Rating: 3.0 out of 5 (based on 1 reviews) Bedwetting: don't blame the kids. (enuresis caused by genetic disorder): An article from: Medical Update Amazon List Price: $5.95 Toilet Training, Bedwetting and Soiling (Parent, Adolescent and Child Training Skills) Amazon List Price: $20.95 Used from: $96-153 Pampers Cruisers, Economy Plus Pack Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5 (based on 415 reviews) Pampers UnderJams Night Wear For Boys, Size 8- L/XL- 13 each/4 bags Attends Breathable Fitted Briefs w/ Flex Tabs, Size Small, Extra Absorbency, Case/96 (4 bags/24) Amazon List Price: $76-153 ATN (All-Through-the-Night) Disposable Briefs size Small: 24"-32" 10/bag Attends Brief 10 Easy Fit Small Tape Tab 20"-31" - Case of 96 Amazon List Price: $76-153 ATN (All-Through-the-Night) Disposable Briefs size Youth: 18"-26" 100/Case Attends Brief 10 Classic Regular Youth ps Up To 28" - Case of 96 Amazon List Price: $66-157 Molicare Classic Plus Briefs - Small Brief, Blue 30/bg, 120/cs - 120 each Amazon List Price: $66-157 Molicare Super Briefs - Small, 20 inch -31 inch , Dark Purple, 28/bg, 84/cs - 84 each Amazon List Price: $76-153 Molicare Super Plus Briefs - Small, 20 inch -31 inch , Dark Purple, 14/bg, 56/cs - 56 each Amazon List Price: $66-153 Tena EXTRA Protective Underwear, Pull-Up Style Tena Ultra Fitted Briefs Size Small Pk/12 Amazon List Price: $6-157 1 Each Single Sani-pant Reusable Briefs Waist 26-157" Pull-on Small THE SALK COMPANY INC.

850S here are a few of the proiducts my boys wear. The ATN are very good as are teh Molicare. Attends work well too.

My boys each have their preference, and all prefer pampers if they can fit them.. Boys. Also have you looked at Cloth diapers and plastic pants for him. Might work well for no sleepover nights.

They hold more and are more eco friendly. And you can even get Plastic Pants for the older kids with cool cartoon patterns, like Pokemon, Scooby Doo, Harry Potter, and more on them. Check out Angel Fluff .

1 This is a toughie. Does your son want the third boy to join in? He does realize that if the boy does come his secret will be out, or is likely to be?

Talking to the Mom is probably a good idea. You can gauge how the whole question is likely to be handled. But expecting him to "suit up" is a bit over the line, I think, unless he thinks of it.It could probably be presented tactfully to him, "oh, the other boys have to wear special pants because they sleep too soundly and that is the only way they feel safe about having an accident.

" It doesn't have to be more specific than that, but his mom most be the one to bring it up, and you are going to have to make the call; is she "cool? " It might be best in the long run to beg off, prearrangements, etc., etc. Unless he and your son really, really want it. Good luck.

This is a toughie. Does your son want the third boy to join in? He does realize that if the boy does come his secret will be out, or is likely to be?

Talking to the Mom is probably a good idea. You can gauge how the whole question is likely to be handled. But expecting him to "suit up" is a bit over the line, I think, unless he thinks of it.It could probably be presented tactfully to him, "oh, the other boys have to wear special pants because they sleep too soundly and that is the only way they feel safe about having an accident.

" It doesn't have to be more specific than that, but his mom most be the one to bring it up, and you are going to have to make the call; is she "cool? " It might be best in the long run to beg off, prearrangements, etc., etc. Unless he and your son really, really want it. Good luck.

2 my daughter also wets the bed her friends are veryvery understanding. Most of them have either done it, or have sibings that do it. It's nothing to be ashamed of, the kids aren't lazy or babyish,they are just heavy sleepers.

If anything is brought up about it, I would say something to this effect to them. Try and limit liquids before bed (i know about impossible at a party) try not to make a big deal about it. I guess boys might be different then girls on this issue, but I doubt itI wouldn't talk to the mom at all.

If you do, and she talks to her son, he might THEN make it an issue; when it's not really one at all. Just my thoughts.

My daughter also wets the bed her friends are veryvery understanding. Most of them have either done it, or have sibings that do it. It's nothing to be ashamed of, the kids aren't lazy or babyish,they are just heavy sleepers.

If anything is brought up about it, I would say something to this effect to them. Try and limit liquids before bed (i know about impossible at a party) try not to make a big deal about it. I guess boys might be different then girls on this issue, but I doubt itI wouldn't talk to the mom at all.

If you do, and she talks to her son, he might THEN make it an issue; when it's not really one at all. Just my thoughts.

3 I would limit the guest list to the known quantities. Four is plenty, and an even number. I would stick with that.

The old saying about two being company and three being a crowd has a lot of truth to it, and the party will have been going on for a long time by Saturday night.

I would limit the guest list to the known quantities. Four is plenty, and an even number. I would stick with that.

The old saying about two being company and three being a crowd has a lot of truth to it, and the party will have been going on for a long time by Saturday night.

4 This is a hard one. I personally wouldn't mention it to anyone if you can help it. Some parents are as bad as the kids today.

The less that know, the better. Before the boys come tell them you are having a contest. Which ever boy can be wearing their fathers oldest sweatshirt wins a prize.

My boys love to wear my husband or my sweatshirt or t-shirts. This way it will not be noticeable about what is underneath and have fun! Good luck!

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This is a hard one. I personally wouldn't mention it to anyone if you can help it. Some parents are as bad as the kids today.

The less that know, the better. Before the boys come tell them you are having a contest. Which ever boy can be wearing their fathers oldest sweatshirt wins a prize.My boys love to wear my husband or my sweatshirt or t-shirts.

This way it will not be noticeable about what is underneath and have fun! Good luck!

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.