Broken hearted. How to fix marriage OR heal my broken heart?

Broken hearted. How to fix marriage OR heal my broken heart? Married 17 years to soulmate.

Find out he's sex addict doing it behind my back for years while I bust my butt as primary bread earner. Talk about stress! Talk about lack of sex drive due to the stress!

Which fuels his sex addiction even more so he says. Now, we've been separated and he's been clean for 1.5 years. I've begged him for talk/communication but because of his new found wisdom in a sex addiction 12-step program, frankly, he thinks he's better than me---oh, so much wiser than I.

Amazing the way ego can take form! I too have spent thousands on therapy/books etc and have learned and changed a lot. But, because he won't see me, he doesn't know.

Just keeps saying that I have baggage, not good enough for him, etc. The tables have turned. I still think of him daily and dream of the "way things were" or as my therapist reminds me "the illusion of the way I thought things were". I need to move on.

Its so hard. I had to file divorce because he expects me to support him 4ever.. Asked by venus4ever 46 months ago Similar questions: Broken hearted fix marriage heal broken heart Lifestyle > Relationships.

Similar questions: Broken hearted fix marriage heal broken heart.

No simple anwers... I’m sorry for your loss. And it is a loss, because it really doesn’t sound as if there’s any hope for your marriage. The "soulmate" you married no longer exists...and apparently never did.

What you miss, what you dream of, is the happiness you had. But that happiness was based, at least partly, on lies. And if you somehow "got him back", you would find that he hadn’t really changed; he would only hurt you again, one way or another.

Don’t do that to yourself. Don’t let him do that to you. You have a chance, right now, to change your life; to slowly turn tragedy into hope, and to put the pieces of your heart back together.

I won’t lie to you: the scars will always be there. But hard as it is to believe at this moment, the scars will fade. And the time will come when you will find happiness again.

Only this time, it will be happiness based on the truth, not on lies. Or you could keep trying to put the genie back in the bottle, to recapture your past with him. But that never works.

If you try, the day will come when you look in the mirror and curse yourself for having spent so much more of your life chasing after an impossible dream after he had proved to you that it was based on a lie. And that’s the most terrible feeling in the world. You need to move on.

Therapy is a good start. Your therapist is, of course, the one who should be able to give you the most help to heal with your heartbreak. But for what my advice is worth, here it is: You need to cut the cord with your ex (and you need to start thinking of him as your ex).

So eliminate as much contact with him as possible. I realize that with an ongoing divorce you probably cannot avoid him completely, but do everything you can to remove him from your life. No phone calls.No visits.

Avoid the places that he likes to hang out. Frankly, if you can move to a new place, that would be a good idea - because if you’re still living in the home that you shared with him, everything you see will remind you of him. You need time for your heart to heal, and every time you see or hear him you will only refresh that wound and delay your healing process.

You have to protect your heart, and that means avoiding him and things that remind you of him as much as possible. More than that: you also need to find ways to distract yourself. You’ll find yourself thinking about him nearly all the time.

That’s only natural! But it doesn’t help. The solution is to keep yourself as busy as possible.

Take some classes. Try a new hobby. Join a club, or a writing group.

Volunteer for some worthy cause. Fill up your time, as much as you can, because every moment you spend doing or learning something new is a moment that you can’t spend pining over him and your lost marriage. Look into adult education classes in your area.

Check out your local library for book clubs and other activities. Check out places like Meetup; I see that there are 166 meetups happening this week within 25 miles of your home town. They include interests like fitness (training for a 15k run), investor’s groups, a women’s social, skating, French, many different political candidates and causes, creative writing, the Orlando Blues, motorcycles, art, astrology, depression, martial arts, science fiction, yoga, sports fans, the environment, Spanish, The Mikado, scuba diving, beagles, bowling, religion...well, you get the point.

Your natural instinct is to stay home and mourn. But that won’t help.In fact, it just makes things worse! Get out of the house and start building a new life for yourself.

Learn something you’ve always wanted to know. Or try something entirely new and different, something you’d never have dreamed of doing before! This is your chance to really broaden your horizons.

Make the best of it! I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you this, but of course you’re nowhere near ready to think about new relationships or anything like that. And it would be a big mistake to try.

Right now the idea probably sickens you anyway.So keep yourself busy learning and doing new things, and leave love and romance for the future. I know that your heart tells you that he was your only soulmate, the only one for you in the world. But the truth is that the world is full of people.

And nobody has only ONE soulmate. The time will come - and it may take a year, or even a few years - when you will feel hope once again, and will meet someone who can share your life and make you happy. Someone who won’t lie to you and hurt you.

I hope that day comes soon. Good luck! .

Being an addict myself... your marriage was a lie. We’re taught in therapy that what we have is a disease, which is true, you’ll find it in the DSM. When I was going through treatment I became extremely angry with the people in my life and I DID feel that I was better than them.

I ended a year long relationship leaving that person in ruins. We’re also taught that this is our time to be selfish, to just work on ourselves and recovery. Here’s the rub.

Until he has let his ego go, he’ll never be truly recovered. The narcissistic attitude he’s showing to you is coming from a place of anger. More than likely he’s angry that you don’t suffer from the same disease; on top of that he’s made friends that do and feels that they understand him in a way you’ll never be able to.

When you’re in a relationship with an addict, you’re involved with the addiction; not the person. Your therapist unfortunately is right, it is and was an illusion. If you haven’t already, you need to attend Al-Anon meetings asap.

You’ll find great support and resources. Al-Anon is for friends and family of addicts but it’s so much more. al-anonfamilygroups.org/meetings/meeting... I won’t get too personal on here but if you have specific questions about certain aspects of this disease, send me a message and we’ll talk.

OH! Here's the big message...there's NOTHING wrong with you! You did not drive him to this.

You're not the reason life turned out this way. You're not inferior to him in any way. Sadly you will have to let go and move on but you must always remember, it's not your fault.

Sources: Personal Experience Sadly... October's Recommendations Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life, Revised Edition Amazon List Price: $14.00 Used from: $0.01 Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5 (based on 57 reviews) Letting Go: A 12-Week Personal Action Program to Overcome a Broken Heart Amazon List Price: $7.99 Used from: $0.84 Average Customer Rating: 4.0 out of 5 (based on 28 reviews) How to Mend Your Broken Heart: Overcome Emotional Pain at the End of a Relationship Amazon List Price: $12.95 Used from: $7.00 Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5 (based on 5 reviews) How to Mend a Broken Heart : Letting Go and Moving On Amazon List Price: $15.95 Used from: $2.42 Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5 (based on 5 reviews) God on a Harley Amazon List Price: $12.00 Used from: $1.82 Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5 (based on 97 reviews) Crazy Time is an AMAZING book. It saved my Mom's life. It covers EVERYTHING.

A must read! God On A Harley is fiction but life-changing.

If so, then you are at a serious disadvantage right now, and I suggest you get this book and learn about the psychology of love from it:How to Win the Love You Wanteffective techniques and tactics for finding and keeping the one you loveby Thomas W. McKnight and Robert H. Phillips(It may sound as if its targeted toward the dating crowd, but its really targeted towards the dynamics of relationships, and why one person gains control of another, and how to change that...) .

If so, then you are at a serious disadvantage right now, and I suggest you get this book and learn about the psychology of love from it:How to Win the Love You Wanteffective techniques and tactics for finding and keeping the one you loveby Thomas W. McKnight and Robert H. Phillips(It may sound as if its targeted toward the dating crowd, but its really targeted towards the dynamics of relationships, and why one person gains control of another, and how to change that...).

2 I completely disagree with NanoNano. I'm sure the authors meant well in writing this book; however, the advice given is oversimplified to the point of being dangerous. The content really comes down to the same old "play hard to get, run hot then cold" dance that characterizes the game of *lust*, certainly, but not love.

There is no mention in the book of the more important issue of how to choose the right partner to pursue. Anyone using these tactics on an emotionally unavailable or otherwise troubled person will find that they are playing *to* that person's fear of intimacy, not building their desire for it. Some of the advice given actually contradicts itself: Pg.84 admonishes: "don't sympathize...any opinions from you at all may cause the person to regret having opened up to you” but Pg.91 suggests: "supply sympathy”...you can greatly relieve their emotional burdens and strengthen the bonds of attachment”.

Real love doesn’t play games.

I completely disagree with NanoNano. I'm sure the authors meant well in writing this book; however, the advice given is oversimplified to the point of being dangerous. The content really comes down to the same old "play hard to get, run hot then cold" dance that characterizes the game of *lust*, certainly, but not love.

There is no mention in the book of the more important issue of how to choose the right partner to pursue. Anyone using these tactics on an emotionally unavailable or otherwise troubled person will find that they are playing *to* that person's fear of intimacy, not building their desire for it. Some of the advice given actually contradicts itself: Pg.84 admonishes: "don't sympathize...any opinions from you at all may cause the person to regret having opened up to you” but Pg.91 suggests: "supply sympathy”...you can greatly relieve their emotional burdens and strengthen the bonds of attachment”.

Real love doesn’t play games.

3 October:Of course there is going to be contradictory information in the book. This is a book about the psychological aspects of love. Love is not logical.

Its not mathematics...The book is a very comprehensive view of the psychological effects of "falling in love" or "being in love" and as such, its one of the very best I've come across (it's actually a compilation of two books on the subject) .

October:Of course there is going to be contradictory information in the book. This is a book about the psychological aspects of love. Love is not logical.

Its not mathematics...The book is a very comprehensive view of the psychological effects of "falling in love" or "being in love" and as such, its one of the very best I've come across (it's actually a compilation of two books on the subject).

I have a broken heart, I believe it has broken in half. What can I do to fix this? In advance thank you for your help..." "is their any way to fix a broken kindle screen" "Can a person actually die of a 'broken heart'?" "What's a good remedy for a broken heart?

" "What's the best way to get over a broken heart? " "How do you get over a broken heart?" "Have you broken someone's heart? " "How long does a broken arm take to heal?

" "Is there any chance broken relationships can reconnect?" "How long did it take you to get over a broken heart.

I have a broken heart, I believe it has broken in half. What can I do to fix this? In advance thank you for your help...

Is their any way to fix a broken kindle screen.

How long did it take you to get over a broken heart.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.