Every Christmas a friend's mother confesses that she never wanted children. Should a mother ever tell her children that they were unwanted?

No mother should do this to their kid. It is abuse. Plain and simple.

Psychological abuse. Having a parent forever telling you that you were were not wanted can cause serious psychological problems in children. The child may feel unwanted.

They may feel that they may not make good parents. They may feel that nothing that they do is good enough and that no one could possibly want them because their own mother never wanted them in the first place. That being said.

A mother could eventually confess to a child (once that child reaches adulthood or she feels the child is old enough to understand) that she did not initially want children but she is happy that she did. That having children turned out to be a good thing even possibly the best thing to happen to her. She would have to be careful how she does this though and would have to choose her words carefully.

She would have to think long and hard before deciding to do this. It would also depend on the relationship she has with the child. But....telling a child every Christmas that they were not wanted is not a good thing.

This mother is obviously a selfish and shallow person who is obviously dissatisfied with her life and takes it out on her children. It is completely baffling to me that some parents fail to realize or maybe they just don't care that what they say affects their children. Parents should not psychologically abuse their children and continually telling a child that they were never wanted is psychological abuse.

No... I really can't see why this would ever be a good thing. All it does is place a burden upon the children implying that whatever problems she has is all down to them. Its a form of emotional abuse.

And whilst its not as directly painful as other sorts of abuse it still causes pain and leaves scars. The only time I could possibly imagine using the phrase " I didn't want to have children..." to any of your children is when it is followed immediately by the second half of the sentence “…. But as soon as you came along I realised how much I loved you and am so happy that we did” but even that couldn’t really be said every year at Christmas.

I suspect that there are some deeper issues here. Depression would be a possibility but I’m really not qualified to say what. There are things that she needs to work through and get over, both for her own mental health and the mental health of those that are near her.

Mothers should not tell their children they weren't wanted, much less tell them every year. I don't blame you for not wanting to be around them during the holidays. Best thing you can do is be there for your friend and encourage them that their mother's displeasure should not be their own.

Motherhood is beautiful and blessed thing and just because their mother failed to get the memo on that, doesn't mean that they should miss out on the experience. I wouldn't want for your friend's potential children to be exposed to that sort of stuff over the holidays, though. Maybe suggest that they spend holidays with their spouse's family.

Maybe suggest that they talk with their mother about her rants. I don't know how volatile the situation is, but use your best judgment and encourage your friend to take some sort of action.

I know people who have done this but not every year at Christmas. In my opinion, this woman feels unsatisfied with the way her life has played out and she wants to blame someone. There's probably no love lost between her and the father either.

Even though she's mentally a miserable person, that's no excuse. Hopefully the children realize there's nothing wrong with them but something is definitely wrong with Mom.

Well a mother shouldn't do that. But perhaps that particular mother has a reason. And though she confesses that every X'mas, there is no value to that.

Because happily or unhappily she took care of that child, right? Human makes mistakes, so may be that is a mistake for her .

Maybe, but it all depends on the context. An emotional conversation about how the mother initially would've had an abortion if she'd been allowed or had money to, but then following it up with how glad she is that she never went through with it and how proud she is of her child now - I think in that kind of scenario it could be something a mother would admit to. But to throw it in a child's face without any kind of kind words to soften the blow?

Absolutely not. In fact, I'd imagine anyone cruel enough to stoop that low would've had a miserable and unloving childhood themselves, and should know better.

Never. Never, ever, ever, ever. If a child doesn't think he or she is loved, it's going to have terrible effects on his or her self esteem that might well last forever.

Even if it's an off-the-cuff comment, something a parent says when he or she is really angry that isn't meant, it can hurt.

That is just horrible. This is one instance when I would say the truth should be kept to oneself, or at least changed a bit. To admit to them she gave up dreams to have them for example would be far more appropriate.

Many mothers/fathers express that at some point when the child is older and considering kids themselves. However to give "I never wanted you" as an xmas present each year is just.. unforgivable. I think I'd pull her aside and give her a piece of my mind.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.