Financially help your 30 year old married daughter with a husband who won't get a job? How much? Me-fixed income retired?

Me-fixed income retired True stuff! They have only been married a few months, but lived together in college. He is 31 and has never held a career type job and has made little or no effort to look for available employment since being married.

I have no idea why, either, as he is intelligent. When he looks for a job it is usually low pay like a clerical assistant even though he has 3.75 years of college. (drop out) She thought he would turn around and get a good job, but she ended up supporting both.

Now she always behind in rent, utilities, debts, anything involving payments. The house is depressing with old furniture, little heat, unworkable plumbing. Only car was almost repossessed 2 wks ago, utilities are regularly cut off and then put back on when paid up.

Bill collectors hounding. I feel bad for my daughter, as she is depressed & physically sick. Seeing her a few days ago alarmed me as she appears to be slipping into clinical depression which she had before and is not taking my advice on anything.

Asked by Anonymous 47 months ago Similar questions: Financially help 30 year married daughter husband won't job Me fixed income retired Business > Financial Planning.

Similar questions: Financially help 30 year married daughter husband won't job Me fixed income retired.

Yikes - I know this story Out 25 year old daughter is in much the same situation. He honorable discharge Navy husband wants to start a business, but it is very slow getting off the ground. Won't do what he needs to do to build business.

Thinks it should come to him. Does nothing during the day. She works for me and asks for additional help financially.

Other issues as well - married 6 years. Anyway- told him no work no more money. So he went and got a job fortunately.

But we had to put an end to the giving them money to support the behavior. It was hard. Lot's of tears.

But they responded. Your situation is a lot different, because, I work. You are retired.

But it is painful seeing your little girl hurt so badly. And I am sure you are scared the depression could lead to worse. So you are on the horns of a dilemma - hurt yourself financially and step in an help - or let it all continue downhill and if something really horrible happens - deal with whatever guilt you might feel.Is that about it?

You don't say if there are other children. We have three others and they have been a big support to our daughter during this. And they can say things in a way that we cannot.

So if you have additional family use their support and wisdom. Families are a team sport. But if you and your daughter are all alone - then you have two choices - one is continue on - or 2) get involved.

If you get involved - then I think you need to limit your risk. Don't dissave - in other words, don't start liquidating whatever you have set aside. Help out of you income.

And don't make it a lot - $500 maybe max. But whatever you do - make it contingent on him working. Make it a matching program. You give them $1 for every $2 he earns.

Write it down in a contract and have them both sign it. Make them show you the pay check before you write your check. Having been here and being here, I know some of your struggle.

And believe me, there is no easy solution. But the most important thing for us was maintaining our relationship with our daughter. If that is yours, then you need to sit with her one on one and talk.

She is probably not talking to you because she is ashamed. If that is the case - remove the shame. This is not an "I told you so" issue.

She knows she made a mistake in her heart and soul.So she doesn't need anyone to rub it in. Ask open questions - like How are you feeling? What do you think you should do?

How would you like me to help you? I love you so, it hurts so much to she you so depressed, what can I do to help? If you can open her up and get her talking.

Give her hope, the depression might go away. If it is chemical, then she may need to be on meds. Don't know from what you have said.

But kids love their parents and want their approval. So do what you can, honestly, to give her the support she needs. But I would not jeopardize your security to bail them out.

Just give from you monthly income, if you can. Sacrifice and cut back some to get the extra money to help. But tie it to his performance.

Healthy men work. PERIOD. There is no excuse for him being a sluggard.

This is not about her- it is about him. Hope this helps. Blessings..

It is very difficult with this situation because no matter how old she gets she is your daughter and you do, and will do everything you can for her. But you can only do - what you can do.It sounds like, from your description that this is a pattern for her and her husband. But it is their pattern.

They have to work through it. Honestly, if you bail them out then you aren't doing them any good. I am not suggesting not helping them, but if you do, realize that you are only contributing to the problem, enabling this behavior by the husband and by your daughter.

I would suggest doing what you can if they really need help. You will know what things to help with when they really need it. For example if the cable is going to be cut off - big deal.

If the car is about to be repossessed and it is the only way she can get to work - well that's a more serious matter. The thing which you can do - especially if you feel she is slipping into depression - is try really hard to help her get some help. If she has health insurance get her to a counselor, she won't be able to deal with these problems if she is depressed they will just pile up.

Getting her to talk to someone and to help her feel like her feet are under her is the best thing. If she doesn't have health insurance, there are some places where you can get her help. I would investigate any social service agencies in your area especially looking at either Lutheran or Catholic Social Services.

Both these churches have strong agencies which can help. You might also contact your local United Way and see if they can give you a list of local agencies which can help deal with depression. You may also want to just get on the phone and call any counselors in the area and explain a little bit of the situation and see if they can help or if they can recommend someone who can.

It is a tough situation. But more than just giving her money, get her some help and help her get through this. You love her or you wouldn't be asking the question.

The next thing will be - how do you get her to go talk to someone if you locate a counselor - but all you can do is try. I think (and who cares what I think) but the most pressing matter now will be to get her someone to talk to and help process what is going on. That can help her make better choices and possibly get out of this situation.

I believe every word you say. . Your story does sound familiar.

You see I am answering anonymously, but that does not diminish my compassion for you and your daughter in the situation. My advice is to not subsidize her situation in any way. These are her choices, however misguided they may be.

You have to support yourself with your fixed income. To funnel money in any fixed way to her, and in effect, him, is to prolong the agony.Do not commit to insurance, utilities, deposits, co-payments, the list is endless and every month there are multiple opportunities to share. Assure her of your sorrow, your concern, and keep your purse closed.

Under no circumstances allow the use of your charge card account/number for any emergency, however pressing. Look her in the eye and say from your true heart, "I am so sorry, but I really cannot help with money. " You will have to use this true line many times in many contexts.

If she is in the hospital, go visit, but do not assume any financial responsibility. If she needs your company to go to a doctor, go along, but still do not pay for that office call. If she needs a ride and you can give it, do it.

If she has a car that will run, $20 in the tank that you see pumped into it is okay, but do not be set up as a regular source of fuel. For a birthday, give a gift or sum that you can afford, and don't apologize or feel guilty. It could not possibly be enough to really alleviate the big picture.

She and her husband are adults. Times are hard, possibly harder than they were for you at a similar age, but you fixed income cannot soften that fact. They will have to cope with their times, and you have to use your fixed-income resources to provide for yourself in whatever style you are trying to maintainto cope with this stage of your life, too.

You are looking after yourself in your old age, and have no need to apologize that you do. This sounds harsh, but it is realistic, and best for all of you in the long run. One of the largest groups of people on bankruptcy lists is women on fixed incomes who have been bled dry and left in that shape by adult children who are not standing on their own feet.

Do not join that sad group in federal court. Anonymous's Recommendations The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness Amazon List Price: $24.99 Used from: $11.97 Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5 (based on 306 reviews) There is help for those who truly seek it, and are ready to quit doing what they have been doing, so they can get back a better return.

I feel badly for your daughter and for you. It is time for your daughter to face reality. She needs to sit down with her evidently dead beat husband and give him an attitude adjustment.

A rolling pin in hand may be a good idea! Seriously, if he will not work, knowing fully well that she is working two jobs and is trying to keep things afloat, she needs to tell him to get a job or get the you know what out of Dodge! Shape up or ship out!

My youngest son is in a similar situation, but he allows himself to be in it. In his case, he is working and the girl that lives with him does not work at all! She goes to school for nursing which in two years will be grand providing she passes and she skips half the time, so that probably will not happen either.

She gets her nails done, has a vehicle to drive, he is paying for it, smokes, etc and he borrows money from me to pay the bills. I love my son and because of the loss of his son, I worry that he will get very down and I have helped him as best I can, but I finally had to tell him that I do not mind helping him, but I am NOT Going to finance the girlfriend and if I help him, that is exactly what I am doing. So the same goes for you.

You cannot and should not enable this guy. I know you think you are helping your daughter, but what you are doing is allowing her to stay with him and take his pooh! I do not mean to be harsh with you, but as I have stated before, I do bankruptcy work all of the time for parents who have helped and helped their children to their own detriment.

I wish you and your daughter well and tell her to tell him quickly to shape up or ship out! How about ...pooh or get off the pot! Sources: my opinion LglSec's Recommendations The Deadbeat Club Amazon List Price: $24.95 Used from: $11.30 Average Customer Rating: 1.0 out of 5 (based on 1 reviews) DEADBEATS ARE EVERYWHERE Bumper Sticker Get him that bumper sticker!.

1 It's time for her to leave the bum! If she won't and you can't talk her into it, the only way is to let her fall flat on her face! This is harsh I know, you can ensure she gets at least food and a warm place to stay!

The only rule the bum doesn't tag along you owe him nothing.

It's time for her to leave the bum! If she won't and you can't talk her into it, the only way is to let her fall flat on her face! This is harsh I know, you can ensure she gets at least food and a warm place to stay!

The only rule the bum doesn't tag along you owe him nothing.

Hubby disabled (no income ) I am recently retired. Want to know if anyone out there knows or have tried this at home job" "How can I find a part time job that can be done online with my computer, I'm 62, retired, on a small fixed income. " "How do I get my husband and our 3 year old daughter to get along?

Hubby disabled (no income ) I am recently retired. Want to know if anyone out there knows or have tried this at home job.

How can I find a part time job that can be done online with my computer, I'm 62, retired, on a small fixed income.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.