Have you got a skill at making the most innocent sounding words seem suggestive and sexy.?

To the answer you have received above I would add consider reading through this with 'show vs. tell' in mind. You have a good setting and are developing questions readers will want answers to, but you can probably make it great with just a few changes. For instance, 'lonely room'.

Can you show what makes the room lonely rather than telling? There is a figure there, so the room isn't empty. Does the figure feel abandoned and alone?

Or do you mean more that the room is echoing? I'm not sure the room would classify as lonely with someone there. However, the flow of the sentence is nice so it's up to you whether you make any changes.

The phrase 'the figure's weeping becomes more intense' is a passive, telling voice. Can you show it? Do the sobs deepen, the body shake with terror, is there one final, futile burst of adrenaline in an attempt to escape?

If blood is coating the room we can assume the figure is injured, in shock, maybe a deep despair feeling the weakness of ebbing blood? There are a lot of ways you can show the growing intensity of weeping that will draw the reader in, create sympathy with the character, feel the character's despair, rather than just telling the reader. The metal door opens rusted and coarse.

Is this a rusty, coarse door that screeches as it opens? Can the figure see the struggle to open a rusty door, or hear the sound? Again, might have more impact than just describing.

'Seemingly' is another passive word, in an otherwise strong sentence. Try showing what makes the eyes devilish, showing the torment, and simply saying 'longing for death' rather than 'seemingly'. Simply removing that one word makes the sentence more powerful.

Could you try something like opening eyes black with pain, blood filled from torture, tear filled from terror? And could the longing for death come out in dialog instead of narrative? Where the figure says 'let me die'?

Which is corny and not right, but should show you what I mean. Finally, take a look at tense. You switch from present tense to past tense, and you'll want to make sure you stay consistent.

Example: you have 'sends shivers' and 'snatched the leg'. For past tense you'd want something like 'sent shivers' and for present you'd change to 'snatches the leg'. I think you have a great premise, great setting, and interesting conflict starting here.

Good luck and keep going with this.

Yes. That sounds all right although there were a few mistakes that I found in there. In the first paragraph (first sentence), after the ellipses, "heavens" should be "heaven's".

In the second paragraph (third sentence), "cease's" should be "ceases". In the fourth paragraph, when the dark and primitive voice speaks, "it" should be "it's" or "it is". I may be wrong about this last one.

If you meant to put "it", that's all right. In the paragraph after that, I would put "halted" instead of "stopped". Other than that, this is fine.

This story/sneak peek captured my attention and I do find it interesting.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.