He says I make him depressed when all I ever do is try and make him happy... :( what can I do?

My friend is constantly having a go at me about not being confident enough, being self-concious and being paranoid, he fancied me alot when we first met and we nearly made it official once but these were the reasons he turned me down... he says my being depressed makes him feel depressed, I know even my best friends none of them like seeing me sad they try and talk to me about it and don't act pissed off! But he makes a way bigger deal about it and gets angry, why? Any advice?

What can I do to make him not get so angry I just want to make sure he always has a good time when he hangs out with me, I'm completely selfless when I always try and put him first and I talk to him and try and be in a good mood... Asked by wearthegrudge 46 months ago Similar questions: make depressed happy Health > Mental Health.

Looks Like you took a sneak-peak at my life! I used to live my life this way - being depressed and trying to make everyone happy. Believe me, it does not work.

Thanks goodness that with age comes wisdom. I wished someone had clued me in when I was a lot younger . .. First, nothing is going to change until the depression is under control.

Nothing will change. If your depression has lasted more than a few weeks, you don’t get any enjoyment out of the activities you used to enjoy, head to the doctor for an evaluation. It could e full blown depression - but there are certain common medical conditions that can cause depression.

A checkup is very important. It took me a while, and I will probably be on medication the rest of my life (which I hate) - but I hate being depressed even more. Once this is under control - then you can start on the other aspects of your life that you are having problems with - which is making HIS happiness your #1 goal.

Your #1 goal is your happiness. It may sound selfish, but you must always be the highest priority in your life, not your significant other - or even kids if you ever go that route. If you are not happy, no one around you will be happy.

If you are comfortable with yourself, others will be comfortable around you. You’re happy, they will be happy. I learned this all too late in life - and now am divorced after 33 years of marriage.

Once I made myself the priority in my life instead of my spouse, I finally figured out that the marriage had been dysfunctional for years. In trying to make him happy, I made myself more unhappy and made him more unhappy. Worry about yourself first - this is NOT being selfish - this is having a healthy relationship with yourself.

Remember, you are worth every bit of effort you put in taking care of yourself. Sources: Experience ct1950la's Recommendations Understanding Depression: What We Know and What You Can Do About It Amazon List Price: $15.95 Used from: $1.40 Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5 (based on 11 reviews) ct1950la's Recommendations Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself Amazon List Price: $15.95 Used from: $3.50 Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5 (based on 142 reviews) Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All the Time Amazon List Price: $15.95 Used from: $0.62 Average Customer Rating: 4.0 out of 5 (based on 12 reviews) .

Stop focusing on him being happier and work on yourself becoming happier. We all have good moods and bad moods, right? We all have to continually to work towards a place of acceptance or change the things we can change and accept the things we can't.

Let's just say, that each of us are responsible for creating our own bubble each day of trying to be content or happy in life. There is no doubt that their are many people who do burden others with their problems or things that they are not content with in life. All of us have been guilty that at times, including me.

There are times where we surely can express something that's bothering us and in a reciprocal fashion we can always be there for other people in life. There's a difference though when a person continually spouts bad news about their lives. People tend not to want to be around these types of negative people.

Why, you may ask? It's because they have enough to deal with each day in trying to keep their own spirits up with the daily challenges of life. Basically, they are there if you need them but we can't over burden people with our personal issues each day.

You say you try to please him. That's nice but wouldn't it be better if you focused more on yourself and try to make your own world happy at this time by accepting the things you cannot change and making efforts to change the things you know you are able? This in itself will make many around you happy to be in your presence.

You stated your friends don't mind if you open up to them, then stick to them for support because as you mentioned they don't get angry. Many men don't think the way women do. They just deal.

Maybe he can't understand why you can't deal if this is happening continually to you. He can't be the person who makes you confident, only you can do that. He's can't be the person who cures your insecurities, only you can become secure.

You stated you feel paranoid, only you can change that. I'm not saying he's perfect but I would hope under normal average circumstances he would surely help you but on a daily basis it is quite depressing for anyone to hear negative comments. If you feel you might need to talk to a professional, please do so.

This would be a person who is trained in offering professional opinions and helping you sort out why you think in the fashion you are describing. In the nicest way, I am suggesting that you focus on yourself and do what you need to do for yourself so that you will create a better atmosphere in your life to be happy or accepting. I would not look for him to do this for you, only you can.

Best Wishes! .

Make yourself happy and then people like to be around happy people. If he was mentally healthier he could handle... any mood you have. Don't try to cater to him.

I think they think it is smother love. Be yourself and it if doesn't work out then you know he wasn't for you. If you put so much effort into things,eventually you will run out of energy.

Just be yourself and if he leaves it is for the best sometimes. Let God help you find a boyfriend that is right for you.

Walking on Eggshells It is hard to get a handle on exactly what is going on here for you. So I will try to read between the lines. It sounds like, you make every effort to meet his needs and go along with what he wants when you are together.

But for some reason, he does not feel free or light hearted when he is with you and blames you for it. He says your depression makes him depressed. Is that about it?

Depression can be an illness, just like heart disease, alcoholism or drug addictions. So you probably need to find out if your depression is hormonal or circumstantial. It may be one of the hormone drugs could help you come into balance and you would not feel depressed as much.It might even remove your depression entirely.

But assuming your depression is sadness and unhappiness over life circumstances, you may want to reconsider your relationship with this person. Why does he have to get angry? That makes no sense.

Why does your depression make him depressed? That makes no sense. I have always thought we should take responsibility for our own feelings.

So why should your feelings make him anything? He can be what he wants to be. I think he has you walking on egg shells, trying to please him and make him happy.

Guess what – you can never do that. You are not in charge of his happiness..

Don't be completely selfless. Be natural. Be yourself.

Can you imagine how wearing it is on him to try to keep meeting your expectation that his moods will be determined by how you treat him? Maybe he'd like to cheer *you* up occasionally, and gain some self-esteem by contributing to the relationship, instead being forced to take, take, take all the time -- could be that he'd get fed up pretty soon from being continually spoon-fed. If there's hope for a future together, it will have to be based on both people being authentic..

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