Hibernate many-to-many self-reference, how to delete without cascade?

You'll just have to remove the relationships yourself. To do this, before removing the person A, you'll have to find all the persons who have A in their set of related persons, and remove A from these sets. If you don't, then of course you can't delete A because other persons still reference A.

You'll just have to remove the relationships yourself. To do this, before removing the person A, you'll have to find all the persons who have A in their set of related persons, and remove A from these sets. If you don't, then of course you can't delete A because other persons still reference A.

Either do this with a HQL query and remove A from the sets of the found persons in Java, or use a dedicated SQL delete query to remove all the rows from the join table. But be aware that this SQL query will bypass the caches (first-level and second-level, if any), and your session might thus hold an incorrect view of the database.

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