How can I help my ADHD child deal with emotional outbursts?

Ask your child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) to remember an example of a behavior during which he felt out of control and which he couldn't explain at the time. As he tells you about the example, ask him who was most disrupted by the behavior or was the target of the behavior. Get as many concrete details as possible about the situation.

It may be useful to start with an example that involves you, because then you can validate his feelings or explore them in greater depth. When you have a very vivid picture in your mind of what happened, ask your child to take a few deep breaths and relax. Ask him to focus on what he was feeling at the time of the disruptive incident.

You can help him by asking the following questions: Where do you feel it in your body? How big is the feeling? What color is the feeling?

Is it hot or cold? Is it sharp or dull? Is it hard or soft?

Does it make you more tired or give you more energy? What shape is it? Is it heavy or light?

Is it strong or weak? Is it mad? Is it sad?

Is it afraid? Is it excited? Is it happy?

Is it upset? Is it disgusted? Is it surprised?

What does it look like? Does it move? What name would you give it?

As you go through these questions, help your child get a strong impression of the emotion and help him define it or clarify the feeling. Once your child has described the feeling, tell him that sometimes he may catch feelings from other people. He may start experiencing feelings that aren't really his.

Then you might ask him to speculate about whose feeling it might have been. If the feeling involves a reaction to you, he might say, "I was just running around when you came to school to talk to the teacher. I didn't know why I couldn't stop, but I was afraid."

You might want to explore whether you were afraid and he was sensitive to it. If you find that you were feeling fear in that situation, then you might say, "You are very sensitive to have picked up on that feeling, because I was nervous talking to your teacher. I was afraid he would think I was a bad mom, and I was afraid I would get mad at him for being impatient with you."

In this way you may be able to validate his feelings, which mirrored your own. If the feelings aren't related to yours, you can still help him practice slowing down to think about the feeling, describe it in as much sensory detail as possible, and put a name on it.

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