How can I help my child with ADHD be well-behaved?

One of the biggest tools coaches in the real world use is video. They tape a player's performance and let him watch himself in action. If you have a video camera or a regular camera or can borrow one, you can offer your child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) this high-level coaching technique.

Reality shows are all the rage, and the kids will love the idea of creating your own family reality show. Pick one day as "reality show day" and have one person take photos or videotape as much candid interaction as possible. You can also take a lead from the shows like Supernanny and Nanny 911 and ask a friend or family member to come into your family to observe and share observations with family members.

You might also choose a problematic behavior of your ADHD child and, like a producer of a reality show, egg your child on to display the bad behavior for the camera or in front of the "supernanny." Once you have created a reality show -- a videotape, a collection of photos, or the observations of another person -- plan a time to watch the reality show with the whole family. Watch it together and discuss what you see.

If you invited an observer to join in the fun, let them share their observations while the family listens. It's amazing what an impact seeing himself on camera can have on your child, making him aware of what his behavior looks like from the outside or how huge his messes have become. The whole family can act as a coach and see what people could do better to connect more, appreciate each other more, and celebrate each other's differences.

In addition to correcting bad behaviors, you should focus more on increasing your family's harmony and getting a good laugh out of each other's foibles and eccentricities.

The most important skill you can help your child to build is the ability to tame his messes. A central problem associated with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) that hurts success in relationships and professional settings is disorganization. Most parents complain that their children don't like to clean their rooms, but ADHD kids take this to a whole new level.

By remembering that you can approach their profound disorganization with persistence, advice, and repeated reminders as a coach would, you will get more success than by punishing your child for not following directions to maintain an organized life. You can coach your child toward gaining the basic skills in a playful way that will go much farther than threatening consequences or nagging. The creativity of ADHD children gives them a huge tolerance for big messes.

Your child will need constant, gentle reinforcement on a daily basis to ingrain lifelong habits. Organization will most likely always be a weak spot, so have patience. You can develop basic skills for organization with a fun game called The Magic Can.

You and your family can create an enchanted receptacle out of a trash can. This can will be just for the child and can be designed to remind him of his favorite magical stories or characters -- Harry Potter, the Jedi from Star Wars, or whatever engages him. Decorate the can with paint, photos, and sparkles to make it evocative of magic and their favorite wizard or character.

Explain to your child that he increases his magic powers by trusting in "the force." He demonstrates this trust by throwing out unneeded papers, broken toys, or other things he no longer needs. Teach him to throw out five things every single day into the magic can.

Each time he throws something out, he is to declare, "Let the force be with me," "I clear the way for my magic powers," or some other phrase or affirmation that empowers him and demonstrates the benefits of clearing out his messes. In addition to a garbage can, you can create variations on the principle of clearing way for the force with a dirty clothes hamper, a toy storage bin, or a bookshelf, among endless possibilities. The point is to reinforce, on a daily basis, small steps toward organization.

If your child is younger and more into monsters, dragons, or dinosaurs, you can decorate the bins or garbage cans as a monster and tell him that he has to keep the monster tame by feeding it every day.

One of the most important things a parent-coach can do is to motivate his child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) to keep going even when the child goofs up. You can practice this by having your child make silly mistakes and practicing an exaggerated "whoops!" response. Imagine a clown who slips on a banana peel.

He or she most likely exaggerates the fall, making dramatic gestures and silly faces to amplify the stupid mistake. You want your child to be able to have a healthy wince and admit mistakes but not be stopped by them. Don't waste your time trying to teach your child to be perfect.

Don't try to teach your child not to fail. Teach your child the healthy rebound -- resilience. Every life will face disappointment, rejection, failure.

You don't want to teach your child to be failure phobic. Play at failing and making a quick recovery. This way, your child won't be tempted to hold only small dreams to avoid failure.

He also won't be stopped when he does encounter failure. This is the key recipe for success -- big dreams plus not being stopped by rejection, disappointment, and failure. You can do this activity by taking turns with your child, practicing a pratfall -- like a clown actually falling down on the floor.

You can also practice it by spilling water or carrying a load of laundry and dropping it all. You can also practice it in real-life situations, including when your child brings home a quiz with a mistake or makes a bad play in a sporting event. This activity will take some pressure off of your child while bonding you and your child together as you show your own potential for silliness.

Have fun trying to outdo each other with your hearty whoops!

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