How much do you need friends and people in your life? I'm not talking about here on Askville, but in "real" life?

I have a pretty busy life, just with my husband, daughters, grandson, stepson, his wife and baby, but I have very few close friends anymore. When I went to church I had lots of friends, but since I've stopped going I feel very isolated. I find that all my old church friends only seem to talk about church related things, and trying to convince me to go back.

Yet I don't fit in with people who have no faith, and think I'm stupid for being a Christian. I feel like I am between two worlds, and don't fit in anywhere. I still pray, and believe in healing and heaven, and all those basic things, but I have opened up much more to other people, who have other beliefs, which is the whole reason I stopped going to the type of churches I had gone to.

I felt stifled, and saw too much hypocrisy. I think that's why I am on here so much, cause I get along with almost everyone on here, but I miss having friends over, and having a social life. What about you?

Do you know what I mean? Asked by Kar* 40 months ago Similar questions: friends people life talking Askville real Amazon > Askville.

Similar questions: friends people life talking Askville real.

Yes I feel you totally 100 percent kar. I have friends it is just they are so far away. And locally I have none.

I would kill just have a small group. I do not drive so it makes it hard for me. But...also my mom who has to drive me everywhere.

I wish you lived closer I would definitely go out do stuff with you. Sources: personal experience .

We seem to have struck the 'perfect balance' in our neighborhood and our life... This is something that I never found while living in New England...people were much for reserved and paranoid...always acted as though friendliness meant someone 'having an agenda'... When we moved to Florida, we found the people extremely open and friendly. As each family moved into our neighborhood, we welcomed them and became friendly. It's a most unique group of people.

I would honestly have to say that I have two 'close' friends....the kind of friends you can call on for anything and they're 'there for you'...and I'd do anything in the world I could for them. BUT...we're not in each others faces. We go to the same church but seldom discuss religion.

We may get together once a month and go out to lunch...celebrate each others birthdays...we're like 'sisters'. Then there are a few more people that are good friends...semi-close...if that makes any sense...LOL We don't do anything 'social' together, but will care for each others pets or 'watch the house' if they go away...share tools, the garden produce...stuff like that. The rest of the gang are just friendly neighbors...just the 'smile and wave' kind I don't like to be hugely 'involved' with people...running or shopping with them.

We're just supportive of each other. Like, one neighbor just got a new gig singing/playing guitar at a local restaurant...so I made a few calls and got a gang together to go and hear him play. I'll tell ya, Kar, I stayed away from church for years...then, when we moved south, we tried one of the larger churches...and it was 'cold' and 'cliquey'.

Then we found a little 'mission church' and the people are like family...actually glad to see you and very caring. We all do a 'pot luck' once a month but nobody 'forces' their beliefs or opinions on each other. But, if someone's 'down' they know we're there for them.

Reach out and 'touch' someone. Some will accept and be friends...others will be acquaintances.

Yes! I can really relate to this, Kar. I work out of my home, so it’s been somewhat isolating.

But at the same time - I have a very hard time keeping up socially! We’ve been in a "transition phase" for the past few years, and I’ve been having to juggle some big life changes. Some of my friends sort of got shuffled out of the mix, in that process, and others got pushed to the back burner.

I’m finding it hard to reconnect, now that the dust has settled. As I work through this adjustment, I do try to maintain what contact I can with the friends who stood by me during this rough patch. But it’s really come down to immediate family, work, my animals and my alone time - all of which I cherish, and none of which I’ll ever give up or cut back on.

I’m afraid that leaves limited time for socializing, or going out and meeting new people, or taking up new causes. Askville is an important component of both my social life and my alone time. It’s nice to find something that overlaps with a couple of areas of your life, as AV does.

And Kar, I hope you know that not ALL people who don’t share your faith think you’re stupid for being a Christian, just as I hope you don't think anyone who is not a Christian is stupid! I don’t share your faith, but I respect you 100% for holding your beliefs, and I’ll try to never put you down for your faith, and would ask that you also try to keep an open mind toward me. If I forget and ever say something that sounds like a putdown, smack me, will ya?

That’s what friends are for! Sources: Goldie .

Yes, I do! I've had times in my life like you describe. I’m one of those people that can be happy for long periods of time by myself.

I have plenty of solitary pursuits that I really enjoy, and I am quite comfortable being by myself. In fact, I have discovered that I need a certain amount of alone time. No plans, no phone calls, no people.

If I go too long without it, I tend to get surly and cranky. But I could never be a hermit. I do love people, and I love being around them.

Because my family has dwindled away practically into non-existence, my friends are extra-important to me because they are my family. I take friendship very seriously, and if you are in the “inner circle,” there is nothing that I wouldn’t do for you. (And my wonderful friends have already demonstrated they feel the same.In this I am truly blessed.

) As a military dependent, being dragged about the country at the whim of the Navy, and deposited in different places with little regard to my feelings on the matter, I’ve had plenty of periods in my life where I felt lonely, isolated, friendless and forlorn. The Navy powers-that-be seemed to take special delight in shipping my husband off somewhere within mere days of plopping us down in a new place, leaving me to figure out things on my own. One of the things I discovered early on is that no friends are better than bad friends.

No friends are often preferable to “friends” with whom you have nothing in common. The loneliest I’ve ever felt, I think, is when I’ve been with people that I can’t relate to. I’m not a good “schmoozer.

” I don’t know how to do it well and I find it a great effort—and-- (I feel like a horrible person admitting it)--I get bored. You mentioned that you feel like you’re between two worlds and don’t belong in either. I can relate so well to that!

For example, my husband has been in the military for 28 years. I have absolutely nothing against military wives, but my life has been so different from most of theirs—there is little common ground. I always felt like I was visiting from another planet or something.

My interests are different, I never had kids, and neither my husband nor I wanted to participate in the social activities of the command, which seemed to be a necessity in order to “fit in. ” I also wanted to be valued for myself, and not what my husband did. I don’t know if it is still that way, but in the early ‘80s, it seemed that you got your “status” within the group from your husband’s rate, rank, and job.

That REALLY frosted my tail, I tell you! (And, to top things off, I HATE Tupperware parties!) And, I’ve also experienced first-hand the hypocricy of some church-goers. It really adversely affected my opinion of some organized religions.

The thing that bothers me the most is when people do the “I am blessed but you are damned” thing---adopting the rigid, intolerant, unforgiving attitude that “only MY way is the right way.” Then there are the people who will sit through the sermon, and leave feeling all squeaky clean and self-righteous, then go home and yell at their spouse and kids and kick the dog. But they’re SURE they’re going to heaven 'cause they go to church.

There are people who go through the motions by rote, but they don’t put their heart and soul into it. I can’t see how that would please God. My idea of what God is (or should be) is so much broader, more encompassing, and forgiving than this, and I’m not willing to “downsize.

” If there is a God at all, I have to believe that he possesses MORE of the qualities I consider “good” and “right,” not less. I can’t conceive of getting up early on Sunday mornings to go worship a god that isn’t even as tolerant and forgiving as the human beings I most respect! What the heck would be the point of that?

(My religious beliefs at this point in my life are ambiguous. I want desperately to believe, and I admire those with a real, true, faith who put the precepts of that faith into use in their daily lives. But, especially after a good blast of World News Tonight, I totter on the edge of atheism.

Yet I would never consider trying to convert a religious person to my views. If the truth be known, I’d be quite happy if a believer were able to convince me, or even to look out my kitchen window one day and see a burning bush. ) You seem like you have an open, questioning, seeking mind, which is a great gift.

Sometimes people think it is wrong to question, or to think. But if you believe in God, and God made you in his image, then he gave you your questioning mind. And if that’s so, not using it to its full capacity kind of denigrates that gift.

I think that questioning what goes on and how you fit into your church is an extremely healthy thing for you. I hope you find your answers. One thing I did think of is -- Have you ever gone to a Unitarian Universalist Church?

I’ve gone a couple of times and it really impressed me. I found the people very welcoming—and interesting. I think you’d find a lot of people like you there.

The best part (I think) is that you are not asked to change or give up any of your beliefs in favor of new or different ones. You might even find some new and interesting people with whom you can build real friendships. I've included the main web address of the church, in case you want to check it out.

I lifted the following paragraph from it: "Unitarian Universalism is a caring, open-minded religion that encourages you to seek your own spiritual path. Our Faith draws on many religious traditions, welcoming people with different beliefs. We are united by shared values, not by creed or dogma.

Our congregations are places where people gather to nurture their spirits and put their faith into action by helping to make our communities—and the world—a better place." http://www.uua.org/visitors/index.shtml ...and I just want to say that I'm not trying to convert you! I'm not a "member," either.

It does intrigue me, though, and it has possibilities, I think. But that is TOTALLY up to you! Umbalia's Recommendations A Chosen Faith: An Introduction to Unitarian Universalism Amazon List Price: $16.00 Used from: $2.08 Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5 (based on 19 reviews) .

He sounds too blue to fly. The midnight train is whining low: I’m so lonesome I could cry. I’ve never seen a night so long, When time goes crawling by.

The moon just went behind a cloud, to hide its face and cry. Did you ever see a Robin weep, When leaves begin to die? That means he’s lost his will to live.

I’m so lonesome I could cry. The silence of a falling star, Lights up a purple sky. And as I wonder where you are, I’m so lonesome I could cry.

I’m so lonesome I could cry. Sources: JUST ME .

Friends, can I borrow 50 bucks?" "To all of my askville friends. Do you think the people of askville are doing everything possible to stop gold gaming? " "Do you think you have the same personality on Askville that you do in real life?" "IMHO - Askville _IS_ (underscore is for emphasis) Real Life.

And ..." "If Askville town was built in real life would you live there? " "Is Askville a retreat into mini-drama, because real life drama is too much?" "This isn't really a question. I'ts more like, I just want to thank the people on Askville who have been my friends...." "Okay.

I'm torn. I need objectivity here people. I know I can count on my wise Askville friends.

" "Do you have more experience points on askville than you do in real life?

To all of my askville friends. Do you think the people of askville are doing everything possible to stop gold gaming?

IMHO - Askville _IS_ (underscore is for emphasis) Real Life. And ...

This isn't really a question. I'ts more like, I just want to thank the people on Askville who have been my friends....

Okay. I'm torn. I need objectivity here people.

I know I can count on my wise Askville friends.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.