How should I talk to my child about bullies?

At one time or another, all kids experience some form of bullying. It might be in the form of name-calling, harassment, or even physical violence. Bullying occurs with both boys and girls, and can begin in preschool and can continue all the way through adolescence.

Since bullying comes in so many different forms, your child may not even realize he or she is being bullied. Keep in touch with your child about how he or she is getting along on the playground. You should explain to your child about what makes a good friend and how he or she can be a good friend to others.

Make sure your child knows that friends do not tease one another, call each other names, or exclude other children from their peer group. Children usually have their first difficulties with bullies on the playground. From as early as preschool, you can begin role playing with your child how they should respond to taunts and teases from other children.

You should also talk about what your child should do if they observe another child being bullied. From Good Kids, Bad Habits: The RealAge Guide to Raising Healthy Children by Jennifer Trachtenberg.

Divorce affects the entire family, so the whole family should meet to discuss it. Ideally, both parents should be present to help answer their children’s questions and provide reassurance that although the marriage is ending, their roles as parents aren’t. Divorce can be a very confusing time for kids of all ages, so it’s best to avoid overloading children with too much information at once.

More than anything, kids want to know that they will be loved and cared for by both parents. They may also wonder how the divorce will affect their normal lives: Will they have to move? Change schools?

Quit a sports team? You should reassure your kids that you will try to keep their lives as normal as possible following the divorce. Whatever your child’s age, you’ll have to be honest about the fact that you are divorcing.

Consider the following tips before you sit down to have this tough conversation:Don’t tell your child that your spouse is going on a trip or give some other false excuse to explain your spouse’s absence in the home.Be as clear as you can be that you and your spouse will no longer be married and living in the same home. Don’t encourage false hopes that you and your spouse will reunite. Avoid talking to your kids about divorce unless a final decision has been made.

Reassure them (again and again!) that they are not the cause of the divorce. From Good Kids, Bad Habits: The RealAge Guide to Raising Healthy Children by Jennifer Trachtenberg.

When it comes to puberty, the absolute worst thing that can happen to a child is to be uninformed. A girl who hasn’t been taught about menstruation, for example, may believe there is something seriously wrong with her when it does occur. And that’s just the beginning.

It’s an understatement to say that puberty is an overwhelming time for adolescents: Their bodies are changing and growing hair in places they’ve never imagined, their voices may be squeaking and growing deeper, and their skin -- well, that’s a whole story of it’s own! Rather than sitting your child down to have a one-time, complete and unabridged lecture, begin at an early age to establish an ongoing dialogue about puberty. The more comfortable you seem when you discuss the subject, the more at ease he or she will feel about it, too.

While books on the subject shouldn’t serve as a substitute for honest communication between parent and child, reading them with your young child can help you both ease your way into further conversations. Older children, on the other hand, may be more comfortable reading about puberty on their own and coming to you with additional questions. From Good Kids, Bad Habits: The RealAge Guide to Raising Healthy Children by Jennifer Trachtenberg.

If it hasn’t happened already, your child will approach you with a topic you’re not quite ready to handle or you’d just as soon avoid altogether. It could be as common as your preschooler asking about where babies come from, or it could be as serious as your teenager asking about contraceptives and how to know when a person is ready to have sex. The best way to avoid being flustered when these difficult subjects arise is to be prepared -- and to prepare your child for them as well.

If your child hasn’t already come to you, you should be the one to broach the subjects that really matter. At the earliest ages, keep the information simple and use words your child can understand. Make sure that the information you provide is age-appropriate.

For instance, you don’t need to tell your three-year-old every detail about human sexuality. Start off teaching the correct terminology for body parts. Over time, as questions arise, you’ll have something to build on rather than overwhelming him with an anatomy lesson in one sitting.

From Good Kids, Bad Habits: The RealAge Guide to Raising Healthy Children by Jennifer Trachtenberg.

Realize that your child’s first response may be denial that any problem exists, and they may hold to that assertion. Or, they may have difficulty expressing what they are feeling. Let your kids know that you have an open-door policy.

If they are overwhelmed with stress, perhaps dealing with loss and grief, or are having difficulties at school, they should be able to come talk to you about it. You should talk to your child about depression as soon as you suspect something may be wrong. If you promptly deal with problems that can lead to depression, you may be able to prevent the depression from developing in the first place.

Keep in mind, however, there are circumstances that are beyond your control. If behavior that concerns you persists for more than two weeks, you should seek professional help. You might begin by speaking with a teacher or school psychologist.

If the problems seem more serious or are unrelated to school, they may require attention from your pediatrician or a mental health professional. From Good Kids, Bad Habits: The RealAge Guide to Raising Healthy Children by Jennifer Trachtenberg.

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