I wanna die! huhuhu... I cant seem to get out to this mess i'm in.. im hopeless...my life is wasted...?

Please don't buddy .... that's a cop out and you know it ..... I know you've tried your best though and it seems that on every turn you're being kicked in the teeth and hitting brick walls.... but please believe me when I tell you that you are NOT a failure, you're a SURVIVOR and you need to be courageous and strong and not let things build up to the point where you want to end it all ..... you need to get passionate about something in life that you love doing .... try not to worry so much about the things that you can't change and instead focus on what you can change...... move on from the terror of the past ... forgive your father and let that horror go .... forgive yourself too .. nothing is ever as it seems and nobody is ever as we expect ... change your current thoughts ........ you are precious, individual and one of a kind mate ..... not another living soul out there like you buddy ........ apparently the secret to happiness is to work out the things you despise doing and avoid them like the plague .... then work out the things that you truly love doing and do them A LOT ..... every single human being on this planet deserves to feel the exhiliration of peace and harmony, love and compassion ...... The Joy of Living is not the Prerogative of a select few, but rather it is the right of every being to possess. As painfull as it is now and as empty as you now feel, there are an awful lot of people who love you intensely and would be positively crushed and devastated if you took your own life ..... I don't even know you.... and likely never will..... but it would be like getting stabbed in the heart for me if you just gave up ... because I can relate very graphically to wanting it all to just be numb and mindless... but that's not the answer.....your mother and father for starters would be besides themselves with grief ....... the point is that it is flaming well worth it because you are entitled to happiness and you simply have to be brave enough to reach out and grab it........ i'm so sorry life's handed you a few lemons mate .... but honestly truly, there are happy endings...... if it is to be it's up to you though .... for something to be so you have to believe in it..... believe in the power of the human spirit and be tough mate. There is Nothing to fear but fear itself..... the magic ingredient is You......... For Fear, afterall, is simply a test of courage.

And, btw, did it ever occur to you that the reason behind your filthy moods and terrible tantrums and depressin could be that you are picking up other people's emotions? Didn't you ever get in such a bad mood and then get infinitely worse for no reason at all and wonder where in the hail this bad attitude mood even came from? Happened to me all my life till I worked out I was picking up on other people's pain, stress, depression, bad moods ... even their pain like headaches, exhaustion, guilt.... try doing something for me hey.... next time you're on the edge of a screaming mood swing tantrum... stop and think to yourself .... "This isn't my pain, this isn't my stress, I don't own it"...... and move away from the source of the pain ...... having a hot bath or a hot cup of coffee, tea, lemon water helps to soothe empathic stress too..... do the stuff that really makes you happy.... go running, swimming, horseriding, surfing skating..... anything but filthy muck toxicsludge drugs and alcohol....... google "symptoms of an empath" and see what you come up with .....and (((hugggs))) for you.

And trust your instincts .. they're always right. Get your sunshine back. You're entitled.

Bless x.

My mom died when I was 14, my dad is in jail too; 15 years for armed robbery, and aggravated assault causing severe trauma. I grew up in foster care, my family cut all ties with me, and most of my friends wouldn't come any where near me. But guess what, I moved on.

Made new friends, and found a new family in the Army, not once did I think about suicide. That is the cowards way out, be strong! Prove to yourself and others that you won't let life get the best of you, stay away from the drugs; trust me on this one.

They only make things worse. EDIT: We all have problems, if you want to kill yourself it just shows that you are weak. I don't give any credibility to that "Ohhh it's just too hard" BS.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.