If I'm a lesbian and want to get married to my gay male best friend in order to have babies with him in wedlock, can I?

If the only reason you're suggesting marrying the man you want to help you father a child/children is because of "legitimacy," this is no longer something that is recorded on birth certificates, and has ceased to be a problem for many people in this day and age. If you're asking a man to father a child with you, then you need to know that your state has an interest in making sure that the father participates in supporting his child, whether you are married to him or not. And if you were concerned that he might not be as willing to support the child if you didn't have the obligation of marriage to bind you all together, you may be glad to know that there are many programs, like the one in my home state of Washington, that are set up just for this reason.(Though I would consider this a major reason for not asking this particular man to father a child!) The Department of Social and Health Services (DSHS) Division of Child Support has forms that are filled out upon the birth of any child in which the father is identified and obligated to participate in the child's life and support.

They have a model program that has been followed by other states. From the site: ->In 2008, more than 30,000 children were born to unmarried parents in Washington State. The Paternity Affidavit Program provides unmarried parents an opportunity to voluntarily sign a Paternity Affidavit.

Once both parents sign the affidavit and it is notarized, the Washington State Department of Health (DOH) may enter the father's name on the birth certificate. The affidavit establishes a legal finding of paternity. A parent may rescind his or her signature by initiating a court action within no more than 60 days after the Paternity Affidavit is filed at DOH.

Legally establishing paternity helps a child become eligible to receive certain benefits if needed. Some of those benefits include child support, social security, health insurance, and inheritance rights. Establishing paternity also makes it possible for the child to enjoy a sense of belonging that comes from knowing both parents.

Washington's program began in July 1989. Your efforts helped the parents of more than 22,000 children sign a Paternity Affidavit last year. Hospitals, midwives, birth clinics, health departments, physicians, and other organizations form the back-bone of Washington State's Paternity Affidavit Program.

Your efforts have made Washington State's program an outstanding success and a model for the nation. This guide provides you with the information you need to comply with federal and state laws and meet the needs of parents who desire to sign a paternity affidavit. We sincerely appreciate your efforts!

This link leads to a Google search on "Paternity Affidavit" and gives you lots of links: http://tinyurl.com/ygq46sa If you think either one or both of you will eventually meet a same-sex partner you wish to live with, and in an era when same-sex marriage is gaining traction and you might be able to marry, subjecting yourselves now to a marriage and a divorce simply to have a child and substantiate all of that child's rights is not necessary, and it may be the kinder thing to NOT do for the long run. No matter how amicable, divorce is never pleasant. No matter what you may be thinking about the entire process now.

Good luck on your plans, and remember, no matter who you are married to, a child always benefits when they have both parents as active participants in their lives. So don't choose a man just as a sperm donor, choose him because he would also be a good father. Understand that parenthood is a huge job, and that chances are both of you will fall in love with that child when it is born.

Understand that you will both need to compromise on many things if you approach parenthood in this manner, but it can work, if you place the child's interests first. Take care!

Sources will be hard to come by because there are no laws to quote in this case. It is not against the law to get married for reasons other than love. People get married for other reasons all the time.

A lot of churches have sexuality counseling to turn homosexual people straight. Presumably the goal is to have gay people denying their urges, getting married and living good, clean, heterosexual lives. In a perfect world, people would get married for love and people would be allowed to marry the people that they love, but at the end of the day that is never going to happen.

People marry for money, visas, and social status - in the grand scheme of things, marrying to have kids seems to be pretty well intentioned. There is no question that it would be legal, but it would be frowned upon by some - especially the pair of you continued to see other people. As long as you don't mind a little religious condemnation, you would be cool.

Image: Anna Nicole Smith and Howard Marshall.

Um you definitely do not have to be "in love" to get married. People tie the knot for all kinds of sordid reasons, my favorite being for one party to gain US citizenship. Talk about scamming the system.

Your question reminds me of the recent attempt in California to outlaw divorce on the grounds that if the argument is that we must preserve the sanctity of marriage, then divorce should be illegal. I could not find nor have I ever heard of any legislation barring an adult man and adult woman from marrying. You do not need to indicate sexual preference on your marriage certificate.

If anything, the nay-sayers in this whole ridiculous debate over the "sanctity" of marriage would probably think that your decision was somehow evidence of latent heterosexual tendencies and that marrying and conceiving was a step in putting you back on a course toward their version of "normalcy" and support you wholeheartedly. Unless of course you were trying to make a social and political statement with this action, in which case it would be really interesting to see people's reactions.

Do whatever you want and make sure the baby is taken care of and being loved. System and law is often flawed and I personally believe that it should not interfere in personal preferences of people if it doesn't harm anyone. If the people involved have no problem with it why should someone else with no business in it raise an objection?

I don't think it is illegal and people who frown upon it only need a reason to frown. Marriage is extra special if you are in love but if you can't be in it, you can as well reap the benefits of it by being with a person you enjoy being with. It doesn't matter as long as you are happy.

I think some homosexuals have more sanctity in their relationship than some of the married couples. I think we should learn to leave people alone and give them a breathing space. I could imagine my plight if I was transported to a world where heterosexuality was illegal and despised.

That would be so inconvenient and stifling.

Most people who say this, say it because of a religious stand point. Also a very "old timey" way of looking at it. For example, my mother had my brother out of wedlock.

My grandmother was extremely obsessively religious. To her, my brother was a sin... a "bastard" basically. And my mother was a "slut" for letting it happen.

So, if it is because of a religious point of view I would say by your religion, Then it would indeed be frowned on. In fact, I'm positive most religious people would find it wrong. I don't feel like it's wrong personally, it's your bestfriend for one... And you're doing it to have children.

You're not marrying him for his money, for citizen ship to a country. You would actually have a type of "love" when you think about it. Of course not the "in love" as one has when in a relationship.

Though a very close bond due to your friendship. So it wouldn't be like you're marrying a stranger.So, in your case I would not see it as wrong. Legally, I've never heard of a single Law about marrying someone of the opposite sex, if you're both gay... Simply to have children.

Pretty interesting question. =).

The laws on marriage vary by state, particularly when the people involved are the same gender - but in every state it is legal for a man and a woman to marry if they meet the other criteria - things like age, not currently married to anyone else and not trying to commit fraud (which would include deception by one person or trying to scam the immigration system). Love has nothing to do with it (legally). Is it frowned upon?

Of course it will be frowned upon by some people! If you are a lesbian you already know that there are plenty of people who frown on you already. Being legally married to a male won't change their minds if you remain open about your sexuality.

Since you can have a baby with your gay male friend without marriage you might want to consider the advantages to you and the future children of marriage vs. just being who you both are.

They are nobody's business but your own. Those who matter to you won't ask, and anybody else doesn't really want to know.In the movie The Talented Mr Ripley, I can't watch the final scene, where Tom kills the gracious Peter Smith Kingsley whom he adores. If every homos were as kind and gentle as him...WHO would ask or care?

Too many Homosex in Hollywood take a free ride by advertising the gracious and deeply private men who prefer their own gender..but behind all the advertising (and whining) is a cover-up for voracious child predators. The bragging and obsessions with sex is repulsive to most. And the entire ecomony today is based on child labor pedophile dens in Asia... Saw-Dumb & Go-more-eh?

Endless Saw-Dumb-me. Gay used to be a woman's lighthearted name. "Whatsover a man asks for himself give it to him" Jesus.

Yes, and whatsoever a woman asks for herself you give to A child will take up 100% of your time and energy; or you will eat up the child's time obsessing over sex.Do the exact same thing most of the world does. Do it and keep quiet about it.

People do not have to be in love to get married. What you are suggesting is both legal and sometimes frowned upon. (I am secure enough in my marriage to know what other people do, does not threaten the sanctity of my marriage).

One way marriage would be illegal is if you were getting married JUST so an immigrant can become a citizen: "Usually, the parties of a sham marriage do not intend to enter into a bona fide marriage, reside together, or remain behaving as a true husband-wife relationship would. The sole purpose of the sham marriage is to enjoy immigration benefits or evade immigration restrictions. " It would also be illegal if you did not obtain a marriage license, or if you are of the same sex and your state does not recognize same sex marriage.

I would suggest a common law(2) marriage first. Live together for a few years before you have kids. Divorce is really hard on children and the process is messy and emotional.

Being open about your sexuality probably won't be a problem unless you get divorced. Bringing up the fact you have been in a "sham" marriage could be enough cause for one or both of you loosing custody of your children. I have no idea what state you are in, but this can vary county to county and judge to judge.

If you want to get married to your buddy for fun, go for it. If it does not work out, you can get an annulment. But once you bring kids into it, it can become more difficult than you can imagine.(Be aware marriage is not necessary to conceive.) I hope this helps, good luck!

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.