If you did not get along with your family, and one of them needed your bone marrow, would you give it to them anyway?

Oh wow, this is not only a conundrum but also a very personal decision. I cannot say whether there is a right or wrong answer to this and if there is, what it is, but I can say what I would do if I found myself in this situation. I do have family members that are quite estranged and have refused to speak with me for the past 7 years.To be more clear, the main person rejecting me is my own mother.

While she never abused me physically in any way, she has treated me harshly with her dismissive behavior and emotionally scared me with some of the things she has said. However, I think life and death situations are not about getting revenge or teaching someone a lesson. They are also not about being right or wrong or even doing a good deed, but instead about allowing that person to get another chance at life and to hopefully make better choices in life thereafter.

You would hope that by giving someone the gift of life, that person would have a chance of reflecting on his/her own actions in the past and present (because chances are that this exact person would never have done the same thing for you) and to come to grips with all the wrong choices they have made in the past. Finding that somebody whom you would have least expected to, would do something so significant for you can change your whole perspective on life. The question is simply, will it?

If it doesn’t, well then you saved the life of a miserable person, whom you would be best of to leave alone and stay away from. But, as I mentioned before, putting yourself through even more pain for a person who has already caused you so much harm may not make much sense to many (if not most people) and it is everybody’s personal choice whether or not to actually go through with donating.It also depends on how you would feel if you don’t donate and the person dies. Would you feel guilty?

If not, then don’t do it. Bone marrow extractions are certainly no walk in the park and to have to do them for someone who does not value you anyways may not seem worth it to you. Decide for yourself, but carefully weigh your feelings and options.

If I were her, I would not donate my bone marrow to her unless we have reconciled before the situation arises. The process is painful and pose quite a risk, not to mention the question of who will pay for my recovery process. Why would I get through such things for people who abuse and hate me?

If she asks for forgiveness just because she wants me to donate, I will not accept either. Of course, other people might feel different. But I think many people will do it just to avoid guilt.

If you want to help someone, you should do it for the person itself, not to spare yourself some guilt. After all, it's not your fault she gets the cancer.

I think this is all dependant on that persons own beliefs. Could they face their sisters death knowing they could have saved her and live with it the rest of their lives. This is her personal and religious integrity and deep seated feelings from their past, also would she be grateful or act like you owed it to her.

I have a cousin like this, although they never did nothing to me they disrespected my Father, they would die waiting for me to help. They took money from my Grandparents under false stories and never paid them back so I would just tell them God caught up with him.

You didn't specify what their relationship is now. I'm assuming they haven't seen much of each other since they were younger. Childhood issues sometimes pale as you get older.It could very well be that the sister regrets the way she treated her when they were children.

I think everyone is right and you should do some serious soul searching and talk to the sister and try to work out your differences.

I wouldn't withhold something like that based on moderate disagreements or even serious disagreements. However, "badly abused" is a lot worse than a serious disagreement. If the sister truly did hate her and beat her, it may be a conundrum that requires a lot of serious soul searching.

Does the sister still feel this way now? What about as adults, but before the sickness? Sometimes people will have serious issues with one another during childhood, but when they both become adults things can change.

I think it's probably worth doing the transplant and attempting the repair the relationship at the same time. However, I'd hope the sister on the receiving end would want to patch things up for more reasons than just the surgery.

I would do it in a second if it ment saving her life. Whatever took place in the past can not be undone. I have read alot about why people abuse other people and the biggest issue that I come across again and again is, that person was abused themselves.(meaning growing up they were shown that abuse was ok).

Now that you are adults you should be able to sit and have a talk about what is needed right now. I would even wait until after the surgery is done before discussing the childhood issues just to save her the stress during this time of need. I could not live with myself knowing that I could have saved her life and was selfish over childhood issues.

flickr.com/photos/sandramac/2155040409.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.