Is it better to be in love and feel vulnerable or to be loved and feel safe?

I am in love. We have been together for close to a year. He says and shows his love for me, but I think I love him more and it makes me feel extremely vulnerable.

I have never felt this way before. In previous relationships, I made sure I was the one who was loved and yes, I felt safer but I don't think I was satisfied and I was always the one to end it.(I think I am answering my own question here.) I love being in love with him, but, along with the love comes intense anxiety and fear that one day I will lose him. And yes, feeling inadquate, not 'good enough' and trying to fight depression and anxiety all add to the fear.

In the past, I didn't worry about losing my boyfriends because they never wanted to leave, and I became comfortable in relationships that went nowhere. I was always the one who had to finally end them. Now, I fear the end of this relationship because I can see myself with him forever.

He is the love of my life and if he does leave me, it will destroy me. Asked by wildrose 49 months ago Similar questions: love feel vulnerable loved safe Lifestyle > Relationships.

Similar questions: love feel vulnerable loved safe.

Darling this is what's called being in love! Sure you feel vulnerable and it's understandable, you love this guy and you don't want anything to ruin it and you don't want to lose him. I'm sure people are going to tell you that he should make you feel secure so that you didn't have anxiety but that's not always true either.

We become vulnerable when we fall in love with someone because we realize we want this person if our lives and we feel like we want them for a lifetime. That's pretty big if you ask me and of course I would be worried if I felt he may not feel the same way or be telling me all that I want to hear. You've answered most of your questions yourself in the details and this is good because you've already come to these realizations by yourself and it's OK.

Let me tell you a few things about life. I have shared your exactly feelings over 30 years ago. I controlled every crush or little relationship I had been in and let them go based on feelings that were not strong enough for that particular person.

You may hurt a little but you knew it was for the best. Then I met someone who was bigger than life for me and I fell in love with him and I knew for sure he was "The One". I have to admit it is a great feeling but at the same darn time it is a feeling of being extremely vulnerable, especially when you are ready and they might not be ready to commit for a lifetime.

Times were different back then and people got married much earlier than today. I didn't have to compete with many of the things you have in the way of options, living together, etc. Well, eventually he went away to college and so did I. I hung on desperately through telephone calls where I expressed to him how much I loved him.

There were times he thought I was pathetic I am sure. Me, a person who clearly didn't have to stoop that low was so in love that I couldn't imagine him not being in my life.At the end of the year he went back home and broke up with me. No more hanging on, what a relief even though I was so devastated I broke out in hives.

I survived, grew stronger, dated a lot of people on purpose and learned to love myself first and I wouldn't let anyone mention his name. He later told me that he had lost respect for me because I was so vulnerable and he knew I lacked confidence and was desperate for him for life. How pathetic I must have been.

He truly loved me the entire time. A few months later he saw me out on a date, slept with the phone and came over the next day and proposed and we've been married 32 years now with three wonderful adult children. The moral to my story is that yes, it's normal to feel vulnerable but it's important to love yourself and be happy that he loves you.

It's ok that you feel he may not love you as much but it may also be your imagination because you feel vulnerable. Men don't always express how they truly feel like we do. My strong suggestion is to love him and your relationship and put a whole lot of attention towards yourself right now.

That's what keeps men attracted to women, the fact they love themselves and they know they are a great catch for any man. Look at this way, you are an incredible woman and he is lucky to have YOU in his life. You may love him but you're can very well live without him if need be.

Here are few strong suggestions: 1) Work on your own confidence and self worth daily (without it pertaining to him) 2) Realize it's extremely important to love yourself and not get completely lost in someone else 3) Make sure to keep outside interests and friendships in your life 4) Do things with friends and others in order to keep yourself interesting for yourself as well as him 5) Remember, you may love him but he has to prove to you that he's worth it for the long run because you're so special. Best Wishes! .

Well I think you answered it already. I believe that to love truly you have to make yourself vulnerable. To love is to put your trust in that person, and to truly trust them you must put your happiness, future and present, in their care.

If you fully believe that he will not abuse or break your trust, you should just give it to him and allow yourself to love him. But I also think that the exchange of trust must be mutual. You both have to give each other your all, or one of you is going to feel shorted and will end up unhappy.

I want my special someone to put their life in my care, because I won't truly have her love unless she does.

Love is not a feeling You seem to be focusing on your feelings. That can mean like, infatuation, lust, or a number of other things, but that is not love. Love is a conscious commitment to care for someone over and above caring for yourself.

There is an element of forgetting yourself involved in love. You close your post with "...and if he does leave me, it will destroy me. " First of all, no it won't.

Second, as long as you are concentrating on yourself in this relationship there is no way it can last. Reading your post, it seems you have based your relationships on mutual attraction, which is nice, but not permanent, and then you simply end them, indicating a lack of commitment even as a friend. Now you are afraid someone will do the same to you.

Emotions are no way to run a relationship. They can go along for the ride, but they should be the passengers, not the driver! Suggestion -- become best friends, not lovers.

Marrying your best friend is the lovliest thing that can happen to a person. There is mutual trust, understanding, and a background of memories to laugh about. You will already be patient with one another as friends, and that is very necessary in a lifelong marriage..

We can't tell you... but maybe some insight. As Bobby Flay would say... "It's not your passion if you're not nervous about it. " And he speaks of food in this case, but I carry it with me to my love life and artistic life as well.

When I prepare for a drawing, I freak out the entire time I'm drawing it, so nervous.. and I've been drawing since I was in seventh grade (25 yrs. Old now). It's my passion though and it scares the heck out of me.

Just as my boyfriend, the love of my life for five years.. and living with him for four... scares me every day. I mean I love him so much and my mother said she'd lose hope for humanity if he ever cheated on me because he's so great. But the fact is nothing is sacred, and I know that, you know that too I can see.

I dated tons of other guys, like you said and never really felt this...I was always so nervous about love and life in general, and with a history of MDD (major depressive disorder), I certainly was scared to lose him from day one. He's like my dream guy, the ideal man I want to marry so I get so nervous... Even looking at him sometimes I just think he's too beautiful to ever love an ugly person like me, and I'm so scared one day we'll wake up and realize I'm crazy and undeserving of his love. Every single day I still worry and I'm truly in love with him and vice versa.

I will continue to be nervous about this until I maybe.. have a career...finish school... lose some weight? I'm not sure when the nerves will end if they haven't stopped in five years. We're engaged, taking it easy, and living an unorthodox life not planning on kids, but I'll tell you what has kept us together: • Communication first and foremost.

We talk about problems, I cry, he sits and thinks I'm crazy heh.. it's the trouble of being a woman with hormones sometimes I think...or the depression for me personally. Fights happen, but how we work through them helps a lot. • Changing together as people, and accepting change.

When I wanted to quit work and go back to school, it was a huge income change but we managed through it. • We have everything in common... well not everything but close. We enjoy the same music, play video games, love computers and being on them, and focus often on the same monetary expenses (not always but often!) Squabbles happen, but again it's how you work through that.

• Understanding that love is not easy, it is worked at. If two people want it to work, then it will, but not without incident. • Love yourself first always.

Do what is best for you, and if you need a friend who knows nothing about any of it... please don't hesitate to look me up, I have struggled with personal inadequacy and continue to overcome and struggle with it daily. As "they" say... love yourself first before you bring someone else into the mess...but I'd say... Good luck to you and me who found love before finding ourselves, perhaps we very much need these people who have been placed in our lives to help us out on "finding ourselves." Just ideas, but I really think if I could say that he might be the one for you, or he might be the one teaching you a lesson on appreciation...... I think/hope it's the first one.

;) .

Love IS vulnerability by its very nature And if it ends, it'll hurt like hell, but it won't destroy you. I've been there. By making sure your previous relationships were always tilted in your favor you maintained a semblance of control over the relationship, but surely you realize that control was an illusion.

Being in love means giving up control to another person. It's scary as hell because, as you've realized, they can wield that power in ways that cut us to the quick. But here's the deal...if he's the kind of guy worth spending the rest of your life with he won't hurt you.

You can't worry about how to 'keep' him. Either he'll stay or he won't, but the control isn't yours and you've got to learn to let it go, otherwise it'll only complicate your depression anxiety issues and taint all the warm fuzzies of the relationship with doubt. That's no way to live..

" "Do you ever feel the presence of a departed loved one?" "Feel the love! " "What's the last thing your "significant other" did for you that really made you feel loved? " "Who made you feel really loved?

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.