Is it rude not attending my sister's wedding?

Asalamu Alaikum Ok there are only two ways your family can proceed with this and do justice to your sister. #1 is the Pakistani way, You are dealing with Pakistani's and the fact is you have to consider that. And that is to tell her NO.

Islamicly the marrage will not be valid. I am not saying this is the way to go because she may resent it. But I am telling you, she probably believes that everything will be fine and she can handle it.

But chances are she can not. It is hard enough for a Pakistani woman to deal with this type of culture. And take it from be BEING BOBBIE IS TOUGH.

I am an American Muslim who married a Pakistani. Even though I ADORE my in-laws and they are great people, Culturally things are tough. I was raised to be the perfect hostess American style, But Pakistani culture is so different, even though I bend over backward to do the right thing, sometimes I just mess it all up.

Because things in my culture are different. For example I was raised to never say no to my Mother in law(conservative American Family) So when my mother in law tells me to sit with her, I have to. I can not say NO, I have to go cook dinner.

But that is EXACTLY what Bobbie(oldest sons wife) is expected to do. She is the organizer, the go to, get it done woman of the house. So her priorities are not entertainment it is careing for the family.

She has to organize the other sons wives and unmarried daughters to make sure the mother in laws wishes get done. She makes sure dinner gets cooked and the house is clean. She has position as long as the Pakistani family if a functional family.

But in some disfunctional families she becomes a slave. Now I have to be clear this is the American perspective of how it was explained to me by my family and other Pakistani woman. But I believe it is accurate.

But simply put. Even though I Love my inlaws sometimes I am frustrated to tears, and they are very kind hearted people and would never want to harm me. So your sister will likely have a tough time.

BUT, You said that your family will not interfere so you only have one option, and that is support her 100%. And this is why. Before I converted I was married, My parents never supported the marriage and made it clear.

When things started to go bad in the marriage, I refused to go to them for help because I knew I would hear the "I told you so". I was ashamed and I refused to give in and get a divorce. I had to tough it out and be the "good wife" no matter how bad it got.

After a few years I was spending hours at the all night burger king with our kids, because he would come home drunk and on the rampage. I would not go to my family, because I knew they did not want to hear it. I let things tumble out of control.

He was hitting me, endangering the kids, screaming and fighting. He was blowing the bill money, but still I did not feel I could divorce and shame my family, I made this mistake and I was going to deal with it. It was not until He had his hands around my throat and I almost died, with my children screaming NO DADDY, that I finally was able to admit my mistake and ask for help.

Do you want this to be your sister? NO, then Support her, and tell her you will support her no matter HOW THINGS GO. Tell her if things go bad you are there.

Tell her you love her. Be at the wedding for her. Call her EVERY CHANCE YOU GET.

Do NOT let this man put a wedge between you. Listen to the BAD and the good with an open mind. The main thing that causes people to stay in abusive marriage is the shame and the belief they have no one to go to.

BE there for your sister if you love her.

I understand what you are saying but you need to support your sister what ever she decides. Think about it, you have done your duty by telling her what he said, she still chooses to marry him so it's her decision. If it did all go wrong for her, she will need you.

You will then need to be there for her and not say "i told you so". My best friend did this too, alot of our friends warned her that the guy she was marrying was a mega flirt but she carried on anyway. Six months later, she was depressed and left with no confidence as he cheated and cheated on her.

We were the same friends who went and held her while she cried. I did feel angry but it was her decision, all I could do was support her. I'm glad we let her make her own decision as if she hadn't married him, perhaps she would have resented us forever.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.