Is physical punishment or exercise as punishment worse for the child?

Neither one are particularly good ideas, in my opinion You said it yourself, your fiance has lasting effects of being beaten/spanked. There is a HUGE difference between being beaten and spanked by the way I am not a fan of spanking, but am not entirely against an open handed smack on clothed bottoms, under certain circumstances Beating implies multiple hard strikes, with some sort of weapon. That is NEVER, EVER okay.

That is abuse, plain and simple Would you really allow that to happen to your child? I am not a fan of using exercise as punishment, either In my mind, that is like using food as punishment You want your children to be healthy and active, and have a good relationship with both food and exercise. You don't want them to think of physical activity as a punishment.

They may come to resent it, and only do it when forced, which can become very unhealthy Start from a young age. Teach your children right from wrong, in the very beginning Use redirection, time outs, explaining why they cannot behave the way they are Once they can understand that is. You can't discipline until they can grasp basic ideas of right and wrong Good luck.

Oh yes! Lets turn something that we should do because it's good for us into a punishment! Yey!

It's as bad as with-holding food as a punishment. Unusual and cruel. I'm pretty sure making children hold the plank for certain amounts of time is actually abuse.

Physical punishment teaches fear, not respect, and not to get caught, not to not do those things in the first place.

That will just lead to a negative view of exersise, which should be seen as a very good thing to do. Beating? How on earth are you gonna teach your kid to keep his hands to himself and to deal with situations the right way if his parental figures dont?

Don't be lazy and take time to do it right.

My father tried the whole physical punishment technique on me and it failed. I just hated him for it, and soon adapted to it. When I was physically punished, I was more difficult and I purposely did stupid things to get into further trouble.

He soon gave up on me. What I had wished instead is for him to reason with me. You have to understand that once your child is 18, they can do what they want, and no matter how much you "round" them to what YOU want them to be, they will end up going against your wishes if that's what they truly want.By having discussions and explaining to them why you think they should do something or not do something, you give them a permanent understanding of the issue.

For example, instead of spanking them when they get bad grades or getting in a fight in school, you can explain to them that once they're 18 they have to be able to support themselves and in today's society you need a good degree to do that. For the fighting part, you can let them know that they can get into legal trouble in the future and hurting others is not the right things to do. Of course, they'll have their ups and downs, but they will grow up to be much better people.

If you absolutely have to go with punishments, try to use a token economy or a privileges system. For example, if they do something bad, you cut out of the time they get for something they enjoy. If they like using the internet, you cut off the internet for a day as a consequence.

You can also go the other way around and reward them for good behavior, such as giving them $100 for every A they get in school, or higher/lowering their allowance based on their actions. Putting your children in physical pain is definitely not the way to go, and making them do 40 sit-ups isn't any more or less effective than spanking them. I hope this helps!

Spanking and beating kids is not a form of discipline. It is a way for parents to vent their frustrations over not being able to control their kids otherwise. You are basically assaulting a child when you hit them.

How would you like someone to do that to you? There is a reason why assault among adults is illegal and for the same reasons, it is not considered right to beat children, either. Just because you are the parent, does not give you the right to strike a child.

How would you like that child to grow up and hit you when you are weak and elderly? Yes, it is the same thing. No double standard here.So, about the exercise.

I think that is a hard thing to follow through with. You will have to stand there and count the sit ups and whatever else the child will endure for his exercise punishment. I do not think it actually teaches them anything, just like spanking and beating does not teach them anything.

Why not use the best tool we have to discipline? Communication. Communication is the best way to express yourself and to have a back and forth discussion and understanding.

It sounds way too easy, right? Well, that is because it actually is. Also, your example is the best way to teach children values and morals and how to be polite.

Act like you want your children to act. You cannot expect to hit your kids and tell them not to hit other kids when they are equally as frustrated with their siblings or their friends. I always spoke to my children and explained what was expected of them and why.

I taught them the consequences of throwing things (injury or breaking things). I sat with them and used words, not my open hand or acting like a drill Sergeant.My children are young adults now and guess what? We are all good friends.

We have trust and we have open lines of communication, as we always have since they were toddlers. They are well behaved kids, never drink, don't smoke cigarettes, have long standing relationships with their friends and are a joy to our family and extended friends. They are helpful and they are respectful to me and their father.

We treated them with respect and that is what we got back in return.

That didn't freak you the ($#*%& out?! I was raised being paddled all the time. It got to the point that it didn't even correct the problem.

It hurt and I cried and my parents screamed at me the whole time they did it. I, personally, do not have a normal relationship with them. I never felt they listened to me or respected decisions I tried to make on my own.

The paddling had soemthing to do with it as they would angrily do it as hard as they could (only on my butt) and never listened to my explanation or really listened to me at all really. Either I did what they wanted or I got paddled. So I never learned how to make decisions as my only choice was to do exactly as told.

This lack of decision-making skill has been evident in my adult life and my husband is actually the one that picked up on it. And let me tell you something, whining IS GOING TO HAPPEN WITH KIDS. It is, no matter how many push-ups or sit ups or 'beatings'.

Children go through cycles of communication and will test your responses. The best punishment is routine responses to their actions with age-appropriate and timely consequences. I have never spanked my 25 month old and I never had to because the time out option (which I was skeptical about at first) has worked like a charm.

The first few times were nightmares with constant replacing of the child into the seat but now at 2 yrs old, he knows what 'time out' means and he does NOT like it. He usually quits the offensive act at the mention of 'time out'. I want my child to feel respected, loved, and listened too.

I can't say he won't ever need a spanking, i'm not 100% opposed to it on the bottom and without the angry screaming. I will do everything in my power to avoid it. TALKING should be the strongest component.

People go wrong by not understanding HOW to talk to children at each age. You can't tell a 2 year old, "Don't come in the kitchen and touch the oven because it's hot and it's going to burn you and then you'll be in pain and i'll have to take you to a doctor'. A 2 yr old is going to hear 'WACKAWACKABLAHBLAHBLAH' and see the oven and you in there bustling around and his curiosity will override your blabber.

Don't set your child up to fail. Don't put him in a situation where he doesn't have the tools to behave properly. If I were you, i'd do some more talking with your fiance because he's scaring me with his support of a discipline that he himself admits drove a wedge between him and his own blood father.

That is not normal thinking, it's close-minded and it is sad to think he wants to continue a tradition that has obviously been deemed a failure. I'm not saying he is a bad person, just that his thinking on this matter needs further discussion and I encourage you to thoroughly explore this subject with him before you marry and have children. My husband and I definitely ironed out our differences before marrying and it was a very good idea because raising our toddler is currently a cinch.

We are on the same page all the time and therefore the child is having consistent feedback.

While neither is good, I actually think using exercise as punishment could be worse. If you want your children to be healthy they need to have a good attitude towards physical activity. A child who views exercise as a punishment will be unlikely to exercise by choice and will be more likely to grow up to be an overweight couch potato who shuns physical activity because in his mind it is something to be avoided.As for the effectively parenting portion of your question, my daughters are 3 and I am still trying to figure that out.

Time outs, having the child make amends when they do something that hurts someone else, ignoring annoying behavior such as whining, etc. Are all things I do now. Really young kids have very little self-control (this is due to brain development, not lack of discipline) so I'm sure my expectations and methods of discipline will progress as they get older and become more capable of mature behavior.

Physical punishment never accomplishes anything, it just diminishes the relationship between the parent and the child. I have used chores and exercises as consequences for my son. We have a work chore basket with several chores written on pieces of paper that my son has to pick out when he deserves it and he must do that chore.

He does nothing else until it gets done. All of the chores are things I know he is capable of doing such at wiping down the washer and dryer or the baseboards, vacuuming, dusting, etc. A couple of times I have had him do sit ups or push ups instead if there was not much to do in the house. I think as long as it is not too excessive and would harm them it is okay to issue exercises.

Just make sure the punishment fits the crime, I hardly see whining as being a huge issue, you should just ignore that and if it doesn't stop send them to their room or time out. If they react poorly to that, they pull out the big consequences. Kids whine.

I don't think forced exercise is the answer. That will teach kids to associate exercise with negative things like punishment, making them less likely to develop an active lifestyle when they're older. Things like that can stay with kids for a long time.

Try to find a punishment that works for both of you, maybe a non-physical one or a milder verison of the physical punishments you are both suggesting. No matter what punishment you choose, the main focus should always be on communicating with the child about why what they did was wrong and what you expect to see in the future.

I don't think either is a good idea. While I'm okay with spanking on the whole (not beating), it shouldn't be used as punishment because children will learn to fear you. Obviously it didn't work for your fiance.

And exercise as punishment? Horrible idea! What better way to teach your child to hate exercise than to make them do it when they are bad.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.