My 9 yr old daughter didn't get an invite to a VERY good friends party. We're close to the family. What should I say?

My 9 yr old daughter didn't get an invite to a VERY good friends party. We're close to the family. What should I say?

We are neighbors, do outside activities together, and I am co-leaders with the mom in a girl scout troop, in which both of our girls are members. The girls have known each other since they were born, and have often called each other best friends, though they both have had other "best friends" too. My daughter if confused and upset, and I am shocked, especially since we have whole year ahead of us, running GS outings, and are so involved in each others lives.

I feel close enough to talk to her mom, but not exactly sure what/how to say it, without acting like she owes us. Which she doesn't. I just can't believe they'd hurt my daughters feelings like this!Shocked... Asked by carmom 27 months ago Similar questions: yr daughter invite friends party close family Sports & Recreation > Outdoors.

Similar questions: yr daughter invite friends party close family.

This could have more to do with the current relationship between your kids, and nothing to do with you! It is the child's birthday and she can choose whom to invite. If your child and her child are currently "on the outs" it might prompt a non-invite!

I would ask your daughter if they are having problems getting along at the moment. If there is no problem between the kids, then I would be the bigger person and overlook this. I know it is hard because your child's feelings got hurt, but this may be an excellent opportunity to teach your child about reality and that we don't always get what we want or even what we expect!

I hope it all works out. Peace.

Sometimes a reality check is needed! First, above all, make sure it was not an oversight, invitation was sent and never arrived. Take a deep breath and go talk to the mother of this girl without accusations.

If you ladies were that close and civilized and there was a problem how come you were not given heads up? Say: " friend! I have someone at home heartbroken and we don't know why.

Can I expect you to be totally candid with me and share what is your point of view? What happened between the girls? We need to make sense out of this."

NEVER, NEVER accept her side of the story as the final word. It's possible that the other girl just did not want to be friends anymore. After you hear what she has to say, talk to your daughter to find out what she has to say.

Sometimes a simple disagreement turns nasty because of parent's involvement. The fight becomes unfair and lopsided. My kids both were very popular with their little friends and we never had this type of catty behavior.

That was back in the early 80's and we guided our kids to be friends with children that were being raised by similar parenting rules. Now 2009............... it is a different world and I see it with my neighbor's daughter, poor thing. She had a little friend since nursery school.

Parents got thick like thieves. Weekend barbeques, trading sleep overs, vacations together.... girls went horseback riding together, shopping, movies etc and the two of them being so close never tried to make other friendships.... we joked.... frick & frack are coming. During the summer her friend went to a popular camp and returned a changed person.

Well, middle school starts and my neighbor's girl comes home devastated. Her friend was already in a clique (snooty popular girls, Coach bags and other activities like Country Clubs etc ) and she could not be included without an invite. She was an outcast.. too fat, too silly, too childish, too dorky, too nerdy and all the negative adjectives you can come up with.

Her Mom approached the popular girl's mother only to hear that the friendship ended because neighbor's daughter was an embarassment, laugh too loud and behaved like a moron (true words used). No discussion allowed or even trying to get the girls back together again. Now the parent's hate each other's guts.It is also a possibility that your daughter created a problem and you have to be open minded that if it is so, you assure her that you stand by her and correct whatever it was the cause.

I still say you were owed some form of communication if not inviting your daughter was done on purpose. Do whatever is necessary to clear the air..

What my mom always tells me in these types of situations, don't buy the worst case scenario just yet! Perhaps the invitation really did get lost, in which case, the other Mom would have no way of knowing this unless you mentioned it to her. If this is the case, I imagine that you and your daughter wouldn’t be hurt any more and would understand.

Try and approach the conversation as if you know this to be true so that you don’t come across as combative and defensive (which any mom would be if her child were left out or hurt) as that approach could turn a potentially benign situation into a problem. It will take some positive thoughts and psyching yourself up prior to the conversation in order to get yourself in a good frame of mind about this, try to talk to some friends who will help rally your positive thoughts and then talk to the mom. You definitely need to know one way or the other so that the year ahead isn’t tarnished by this elephant in the closet.

If you find out in your conversation that your daighter was intentionally left out, I suggest listening to what the mom has to say and then holding your tongue until you can have some time to yourself to think it through and decide on your approach... Then we can figure out how to really get her... (KIDDING! ) Good Luck! .

Tell her there was no room at the inn. My guess is that the family were limited in space for the whoop-te-do and could only invite so many and your daughter wasn't one of them. You're close to the family, but their kid got to decide who came, so your daughter is not, apparently, as close as some others.

But her not being invited should not be taken as a slight but as a mere fact of slogging thru this life: people can't always do things they way we'd like them to do things. And yet we muddle on anyway. Tell her that this girl is still her best friend and is not responsible for limitations imposed by others..

1 A very similar question was asked a few days ago--you might find some of the advice there helpful! Sorry that your daughter was hurt...askville.amazon.com/daughter-excluded-da... .

A very similar question was asked a few days ago--you might find some of the advice there helpful! Sorry that your daughter was hurt...askville.amazon.com/daughter-excluded-da....

" "Are there any web sites for publishing a home movie that you can only "invite" friends and family to view?" "15 yr old has pool party and does not invite friend who she is not that close to anymore. Her mom calls to ask why. " "Bonnie S and I, Would like to invite you to a Hen Party.

Anyone game? " "My daughter was excluded from a be day sleepover party while all of her friends were invited but not her. Why?" "Is it impolite not to invite children to an adult birthday party?

" "My daughter will start kindergarten next year. She has always been kept by friends and family members." "Should I feel like a third wheel when my son and daughter-in-law invite me to go places with them?

Ok so I have been going out with a family friends daughter an my dad said if I hurt her but I like another girl.

15 yr old has pool party and does not invite friend who she is not that close to anymore. Her mom calls to ask why.

Bonnie S and I, Would like to invite you to a Hen Party. Anyone game?

My daughter was excluded from a be day sleepover party while all of her friends were invited but not her. Why?

My daughter will start kindergarten next year. She has always been kept by friends and family members.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.