Need advice on my lab, SHREDDING AND RIPPING!?

Dude, I'm so excited to read something of yours! Editing now! This paragraph is weird to me: "They were sitting on a deserted, concrete road, which made R puzzled over her question.

There was nothing particularly likable about being on the road, it was just somewhere to sit and drink after the bar had closed." The first sentence has a funky ending... I wouldn't say 'wrong', but it just kind of reads weird. "...made R puzzled..." just doesn't sit right with me.

It is great.” ~ Do drunk people really talk like this? No contraction? No slur?

No nothing? Another weird paragraph: "Internally cursing that he had reminded himself of the one thing he was not supposed to let his mind linger to, he took a swig from the bottle of amber liquor which lay between him and his unnamed companion." I think this is supposed to be two sentences... possibly.

Or, you could say something like, "Internally cursing that he had let his mind wander to the one place it wasn't supposed to go, he took another swig of amber liquor and set the bottle back on the curbsidewalk between him and the girl." The rest of it, I really really like. See, now I want to know exactly where 'R' is from and why he left.

Look what you did! LMAO! I think the weird wording is probably because this is a first draft.

Overall, you have good development and a nice pace. I might have gone into the scenery (or lack thereof) a little more, but if they're drinking it's understandable that it might not be so important to them at the time. I think it might have helped me see the characters a bit better, though.

EDIT: Slurred speech: " 'S great." or, "Itz great." (I like the first one better.) You could also play with leaving off the ending consonants of some words. I've spent some time around drunk idiotz(lol) and noticed a few patterns.

Well hell, let me go back and reread it with this new viewpoint... XD It's good, of course, but I sense that you're one of the older frequenters of B&A, so I'll be a bit more nit-picky than "All your contractions have apostrophes! Nice job!" The pacing seems decent, so most of what I picked up on was just less-than-perfect sentence structure.

"R looked over at the girl, who had just broken their long silence." I don't think it's necessary to keep anything after the comma, since we saw her speak, and already know she's broken the silence. "Despite liking her company somewhat, he didn’t even know her name."

This could be worded better. "Internally cursing that he had reminded himself of the one thing he was not supposed to let his mind linger to..." This part sounds off because the clause is as long as the actual point of the sentence, which is that the guy took a swig from the bottle. (Sorry I don't know the technical terms for why this is wrong.

I stopped being able to point out "modifying clauses" and whatnot sometime after 7th grade...) "...in his intoxicated mindset his mind wandered..." Repetition of the word "mind." "Looking up at the night sky felt like a real luxury." This is something I'm always struggling with myself. Saying "it felt like" instead of boldly coming out and saying "it WAS this," which would make for a stronger description.

Looking up at the night sky IS a real luxury, to your protagonist. "Wha’ your... favourite thing about being here?” Drunk-people-talk is always difficult to pin down, but I think she would have S's all over the place instead of none at all.

She'd still probably forget the T though. And lastly, "stalactite covered" should have a dash in between. Edit: Noticing what some other people have said about drunken slurring, I have to say that there are certainly some people who, when intoxicated, still manage to speak with impeccable enunciation.

They still, however, fall victim to repetition. Here's how I tend to tell stories when drunk: "So like, okay... So we were... were walking, right? We were walking down this road... It was a *really* long road, but like, whatever.

So, so we were walking down this road, and we stopped at a... at a gas station...

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.