So DESPERATE. unable to PRACTICE what MY THERAPIST SUGGESTS so therefore am STUCK with this HELL?

I presume you're newly qualified otherwise you wouldn't be asking on here. I'm afraid you've got many years of disappointment ahead of you. I was in a similar job to you, the police.

I didn't get Christmas Day or New Years Eve off for the first ten years of service. In fact the first seven years were all night shifts!

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.