Suffering from low self esteem and daily suicidal thoughts. Should I seek help?

You have a lot on your plate buddy. On top of being gay you some internalized homophobia to deal with. Some guys are reall effeminate, some are real butch.

There are straight guys who are effeminate and there are gay guys who are mans men. But by you being cloested you will never find the butch straight guys because they will be too scared to approach you. You need to join some gay youth groups and talk with your peers.

You need to stop reinventing the wheel and share your stories with others and listen to them. Check with local schools and any gay community centers around you. If none are around you - join trevor space.

It is a moderated gay youth group for the 13 to 24. Https://www.trevorspace.org Just in general though - you need to join some clubs. They will give you a bunch of instant acquaintences.

We are social creatures. Try some at your school. Or maybe in your community there are a few gay clubs like a sport or books.

Notalllikethat.org has pro gay churches.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.