What should you do if your husband had an 8-month emotional affair that is over but now you are facing 4-year loans in the amount of 35000 that he spent on his co-worker?

Again Thanks for being so candid and sharing your personal life with all of us. It certainly helps all of us to understand everything a little better Firstly, quit beating yourself up and realize that EVERYONE makes mistakes. There is nothing wrong with falling in love with a passion and being loyal and good to that person, not to mention loving them deeply.

You simply picked the wrong guy! No matter how loving one is, they shouldn't over indulge their mate and make things too easy and there should always be an air of mystery from a woman. NEVER let a man know just how far they can push you (this goes for men with problems with women who are users.) Then you have to be honest with yourself and see this guy for what he really is ... a manipulator, liar and a user.

He doesn't care one bit about your feelings and before long he'll grow weary of the girl he's spoiling right now, take her for a ride and move on to yet another girl. Be glad you are rid of him! The first mistake you made was asking the question "What is it you want?

What do you want to do? " You should have taken it under your own control, stood your ground and told him you weren't putting up with this and he had a choice right then and there between you or this coworker. The second mistake was, after all his cheating you wrote him a letter saying you were willing to try and work it out.

You had the upper hand, he was the jerk, and I wouldn't have thrown water on him if he was on fire! You shouldn't have told HIM "to let you go!" You are stronger than you think and this shouldn't have been his decision, but yours and you should have kicked his butt out the door then!

He literally stripped you of your dignity and you let him! There is nothing wrong with you with the exception of loving someone the way a good man should be loved and you picked the wrong guy. You tried your best and it's not about you at all, but his insecurities, selfishness and immaturity and you have no control over that, but you did have control of stopping this behavior long before you did As far as him spending money hand over fist on his girlfriend, he got what he deserved!

She used and abused him and now they are no more. He got a good taste of his own medicine and hopefully it will sink in and he'll learn a lesson as to how shabbily he treated you. He had a good woman and he blew it!

Why wouldn't he be very emotional towards you. He treated you like crap, you took it, he left, he spent all this money on this girlfriend and now they're split and he may want to come back with his tail between his legs. DON'T DO IT!

He also knows that he can legally be responsible for ALL debts that he accrued re his girlfriend and he is hoping you'll help bail him out. DON'T DO IT! You said the magic words "I yearn to be MYSELF again.

" Think! What were you like before you met this loser? I bet you were were fairly mature and more independent then you were after you met him.

YOU WILL NEVER feel the same way about this guy again. How can you? He has done every rotten thing he possibly could do to you and the worst part is he stripped you of your dignity and had little respect for you.

Are you going to learn a lesson from this, or start all over again with him and get duped yet once again? In all fairness I'll tell you about myself and my first husband.My parents and friends didn't like my first husband when we were dating and warned me about him, but I loved him and thought I could change any rough edges he had. Believe me, he had more rough edges around his lying hide than I really knew about (I was 19 and in love with blinders on.

) I married him at 22 and it wasn't long before he was lying to me, cheating on me, and then things got mentally abusive until he turned physically abusive towards me.At first I was ashamed of hiding this from my parents and friends, but, I finally blew one day (where the strength came from I have no idea) and I booted his butt out of our basement suite. I went out apartment hunting, changed jobs, dumped most of our old friends and started fresh. I had nights were I thought I missed him and I cried myself to sleep as well, but later realized it was about all the investment of loving and loyalty I had put into this jerk and he basically spat on all of it.

He would phone begging me to come back and a couple of times I almost caved in, but something in the pit of my stomach made me stand my ground. I never went back to him and I never looked back! I moved on and in doing so I ended up meeting a wonderful man, dating (taking it slow and easy) and then got married.

We've been married for 34 years. Every so often I think to myself, "What if I had gone back to my ex? I wouldn't have met this wonderful man in my life now and I probably would have had further abuse and a terrible life with my ex and a couple of kids to complicate the matter So hon, get the courage to kick this jerks backside out the door and tell him to take a long walk off a short pier.

Yes, you'll cry and feel lonely and regret it for a bit, but trust me when I say, that if you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, get out in the world, start seeing friends, start socializing more you'll meet that special someone you truly deserve. Don't become a statistic out there. You are stronger than this Good luck Marcy It's obvious you are hurt and angry and I don't blame you.

You appear to be the type of person that wears their heart on their sleeve and got taken for a ride. You aren't the first person to go through this and you won't be the last person. You would have had to co-sign for the loans (foolish) and I am sure you know that now.

One should NEVER co-sign for anyone unless they are able to afford the financial loss and put wings on that money (this includes family members or friends. ) Only a lawyer can help you on this one and I would retain one as quickly as possible. If your ex has a fairly decent job, you may well be able to slip under the rail and have him make good on these loans.

A court of law can FORCE him In my first marriage my husband was a stock car racer on weekends and he had borrowed a lot of money. When we split-up the creditors were coming after me even though my ex was making good money. Creditors love to go after the woman because they feel they can manipulate and instill fear into women more than men.

I stood my ground and I went to a lawyer and went to court! I won! He had to pay every cent back.

I simply didn't have the money to pay his outstanding debts Good luck Marcy who stood by & watched and asked OVER & OVER repeatedly - What is it you want? - What do you want to do? - During the 8 month emotional affair with his young co-worker from a job site that he and her had met on in Sept/2004,I had visited a lawyer, I had a real estate person come through the home of my dreams, I had written out 2 very emotional and very fair letters to him - ALWAYS READY, WILLING, to work it out to what he wanted to do - As I kept stating to him that I just was not able to continue on like this and that I just wanted him to be free and happy as he was with her, But I could not tolerate any more of his excuses of I don't know what I want to do & all the lies and false promises that it was over between them.

Then came the evening of March/2005, where I found another recit and that for some reason I was ssooo CALM! I approached him and told him right out that *I* - *ME* - Was telling him for a change - That if there was any or just a little bit of RESPECT there towards me, at all - To PLEASE, PLEASE let me go! As I was now Finished & at the End of My Rope with this 8 month emotional affair!

DONE! I went upstairs to my bedroom and I just bawled, as I really down deep was not ready to end my marriage (And to this day - I do not know why I took the verbal abuse and cruel actions done to me; Many nights gone, My first COLD Christmas & New Years without him,etc,etc - No, I have not forgotten any of it! And I sometimes think that there is something wrong with me...As I ask myself, I took all this for the Love I feel for him?

,But that's another problem I am dealing with at the moment - me? ) Well it will be May/2006 here soon and it has been quite the year since it finally ended between them. What I did come to learn is that during that 8 months he had opened up 3 credit cards and took out a loan from a financial company and SPENT-SPENT MONEY to buy her boots, shoes, custom made leather coat, $200 jeans, etc,etc - bought her a parrot too and furnished her whole home from kitchen appliances (stove,fridge, coffee maker,micro wave-you name she got it!

Then to living room furniture, etc and the bedroom furniture and Wow-did they go out eating and drinking alot-$$$$$$......) What it came down to and this is not including interest is that she had $35,000.00 spent on her! And I have been (again) wondering how the hell am I supposed to deal with this too! He has been so very SORRY - very Emotional towards me - Even told me that he has Thanked God many times for having me stay by him!

But he wants to BLOCK IT ALL OUT and has told me he is going to make it up to me! But I am at limbo- I am not my true happy self - I don't really trust him - I don't feel secure like I did at one time. But I yearn to be myself again and I yearn to really feel like we did when we first began our relationship!

So if anyone out there can give me some advice or tell me if this has ever happened to you - PLEASE, let me know! THANKS for the replies.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.