What's a great way for small town gay singles to meet other gay people locally without going to bars?

Small town dating is madness for anyone. For a gay person, small town dating is an absolute nightmare. So many people in small towns love to talk, gossip and judge.

It's unfortunate, it's not fair, but it's the way it is. Another issue with small towns is many people aren't willing or feel they aren't able to open up to their community about being gay. And so, you're also faced with the issue of limited contact with possible candidates for a relationship.

Add in the less than gay friendly attitude and limited social events that gays can be open at and you find yourself --- well -- where it sounds like you are. I don't know what town you are in, the attitude of the town or just how small "small" is so some of these things may be completely useless to you.... Online is an option. Cheeta Chat and Yahoo both offer chat rooms for individual towns.

If you create a screen name that is unlike your actual name it would also protect your identity from anyone you wouldn't feel comfortable knowing you were doing online dating. I know there are still some stereotypes out there attached to online dating. Newspapers often have listings for singles ads.

Depending upon your town, it's population and openness towards the gay community this could be an option. Where I live this unfortunately wouldn't be an option for a gay person because of the attitudes the majority seem to have. But a larger town nearby here is very open and gay friendly so it would be there.

Friends are notorious for playing cupid. Sometimes this works out great - sometimes it doesn't. It's an option that might be worth exploring.

Some towns also have singles meetings and activities that are intended for gay singles only. It might be that your town or a town close to you has something along these lines. Some places - especially college towns - have gay alliances and coalitions.

Many have committees for gay pride parades. Were you to join one of these groups and participate I think it would be an excellent opportunity to meet a lot of people. The upside is you would get face to face contact, the opportunity to get to know someone without an indication of being interested until you're ready and the people who are involved in these types of things are more likely to be the type of person who is level-headed and not so much into that party scene some people never want to get out of.

If your town doesn't have something like this you could check with surrounding areas if you are willing to make the commute. Call up your nearest college and ask them if there is a group that you could help by donating your time. Volunteering for something like this would give you a grand opportunity to meet someone.

Also, it is likely to put you into contact with someone who deals with other organizations, groups or activities that are for the gay community or at least gay friendly. You mentioned bars or clubs was something that you wanted to avoid. I don't really know the reason behind that and so I'm just taking a stab in the dark by assuming that atmosphere that I've noticed in most gay clubs are more for finding Mr. Right Now vs. Mr. Right.

This is a difficulty I think a lot of people find when dating - especially gays who are interested in a serious relationship with a potential lifetime partner. However, spending time among the gay community is still a way to meet people. You could consider going to gay clubs/bars and being extremely selective.

Pick the guy who isn't wasted on his millionth rum and coke and not hanging all over every other person to make conversation with. Maybe he's in the club/bar as a last resort because he too is looking for something special. You never know.

I just threw out some ideas. They certainly weren't in the order of what I thought would be most helpful. I suggest the first thing you try is becoming involved with a group, alliance or helping organize a gay pride parade or something along those lines.

Best of luck in your search for someone wonderful. Small town dating is madness for anyone. For a gay person, small town dating is an absolute nightmare.

So many people in small towns love to talk, gossip and judge. It's unfortunate, it's not fair, but it's the way it is. Another issue with small towns is many people aren't willing or feel they aren't able to open up to their community about being gay.

And so, you're also faced with the issue of limited contact with possible candidates for a relationship. Add in the less than gay friendly attitude and limited social events that gays can be open at and you find yourself --- well -- where it sounds like you are. Online is an option.

Cheeta Chat and Yahoo both offer chat rooms for individual towns. If you create a screen name that is unlike your actual name it would also protect your identity from anyone you wouldn't feel comfortable knowing you were doing online dating. I know there are still some stereotypes out there attached to online dating.

Newspapers often have listings for singles ads. Depending upon your town, it's population and openness towards the gay community this could be an option. Where I live this unfortunately wouldn't be an option for a gay person because of the attitudes the majority seem to have.

But a larger town nearby here is very open and gay friendly so it would be there. Friends are notorious for playing cupid. Sometimes this works out great - sometimes it doesn't.

It's an option that might be worth exploring. Some towns also have singles meetings and activities that are intended for gay singles only. It might be that your town or a town close to you has something along these lines.

Some places - especially college towns - have gay alliances and coalitions. Many have committees for gay pride parades. Were you to join one of these groups and participate I think it would be an excellent opportunity to meet a lot of people.

The upside is you would get face to face contact, the opportunity to get to know someone without an indication of being interested until you're ready and the people who are involved in these types of things are more likely to be the type of person who is level-headed and not so much into that party scene some people never want to get out of. If your town doesn't have something like this you could check with surrounding areas if you are willing to make the commute. Call up your nearest college and ask them if there is a group that you could help by donating your time.

Volunteering for something like this would give you a grand opportunity to meet someone. Also, it is likely to put you into contact with someone who deals with other organizations, groups or activities that are for the gay community or at least gay friendly. You mentioned bars or clubs was something that you wanted to avoid.

I don't really know the reason behind that and so I'm just taking a stab in the dark by assuming that atmosphere that I've noticed in most gay clubs are more for finding Mr. Right Now vs. Mr. Right. This is a difficulty I think a lot of people find when dating - especially gays who are interested in a serious relationship with a potential lifetime partner. However, spending time among the gay community is still a way to meet people.

You could consider going to gay clubs/bars and being extremely selective. Pick the guy who isn't wasted on his millionth rum and coke and not hanging all over every other person to make conversation with. Maybe he's in the club/bar as a last resort because he too is looking for something special.

You never know. I just threw out some ideas. They certainly weren't in the order of what I thought would be most helpful.

I suggest the first thing you try is becoming involved with a group, alliance or helping organize a gay pride parade or something along those lines. Best of luck in your search for someone wonderful.