What's the backstory on the Mahalo Answers Hula girl? What's her name?

Long ago in the mists of time, back when Kamehameha I was the first king of Hawaii, his favorite wife (out of 17), queen Ka'ahumanu, bore him a little daughter. In describing the great queen, one notable said, “Her arms were like the inside of a banana stalk. €?

You can’t top that. Even with those arms, the king took Keopu'olani, high chiefess of Maui, as his “sacred� Wife because of her pure bloodlines.

This was a true pisser for the queen and princess. In the lineage of royalty, girls don’t count. They don’t count to the extent that the little princess was not even given a name.

After all, she was born to the favorite wife, not the sacred wife. In secret, the queen called the unknown princess Wikolia, which is Hawaiian for “poopikins. €?

That’s what the queen told the princess. She adored the child, and dressed her in Hawaiian baby clothes – that would be a tiny grass skirt, a fake coconut bra because she thought it was really really cute, and a beautiful pearl necklace that had belonged to her mother, humuhumunukunukuapuaha, which means “beautiful fish with exotic eyes. €?

Pay attention. There will be a quiz. She also tucked a hibiscus behind the child’s ear and placed the world’s largest plumeria blossom in her hand.

She secretly had the world’s largest plumeria tree grown in honor of the princess, so she could always have the fragrant flower in her hand, to remind her that mommy loved her even if daddy was a walking turd. She did not teach the kid the Hula. This is a fallacy.

Kamehameha I impatiently awaited the birth of Kamehameha II.It was widely known that his other name was “Paiʻea� Which means “hard shelled crab� So, as you can imagine, he lacked warm and fuzzies.

Big ticket. Now, it was SAID that Ka'ahumanu could not bear children. Little did they know that she had her cherished daughter and because the child was royally snubbed (literally), Ka'ahumanu simply refused to let the King, um, “do�

Her any further. No prob. Sacred wife to the call.

Eventually, prince Kamehameha II was born to King Kam I (this will make things easier ‘cause typing Kamehameha a buncha times is a pain) and sacred wife. Known to few, Ka'ahumanu was a feminist. She defied tradition and had the men eat with the women.

But she dared not defy King Kam I in formally naming her daughter. After much turmoil, Ka'ahumanu was named “official guardian� Of the young prince – King Kam II.

Big whoop. Good call though, because Keopu'olani was a space cadet. Inbreeding.

Ka'ahumanu bided her time and waited till 1819, when King Kam I croaked and she tattooed the date on her arm.No joke. One day, she came in from surfing and relaxed, while smoking her pipe (also no joke). The princess, who was then twenty-six sat down with her mother, had a toke, and asked for a proper name.

€œBut you have a proper name,â€? Said the queen. €œPoopikins?!

€? Cried Wikolia. €œNo, your name means ‘Victoria’ meaning that one day we would be victorious!

€? The mother told her astonished daughter. You see, Wikolia eventually became the wife of King Kam II.

Her new name was Victoria KamÄ? Malu Kalani-Kuaana-o-Kamehamalu-Kekuaiwa-o-kalani-Kealii-Hoopili-a-Walu. Being only his half sister, what with the sacred wife skank and all, the wonderful joke was only known to mother and daughter.

€œMummy? €? Said Wikolia.

€œYes, cherished one? €? Responded Ka'ahumanu.

€œMahalo! €? Said the princess, now queen.

€œDe nada,â€? Said her mother.

Ahh, the legend of the Mahalo Hula Girl. It spans back...months and months, and has a deep and dark history that we, here at the Research Institute for Tiki and Hula Doll Studies, cherish and catalog in rich leather-bound tomes that smell of mahogany. It has been a great pleasure by the researchers here at RITHDS to read the many fascinating yarns spun about the young smiling coconut-laden girl that haunts Mahalo.In fact, the story of her "poopikins" name tickled us so much that some of us spilled tobacco from our pipes and dropped our slide rulers to the floor.

How embarrassing! But, good people of Mahalo, I fear that my task is to set the record straight about the *true* story of this...."girl". You see, she is no mere little girl.

She is a demon. Yes, I said demon. Its name is Airemulp, Destroyer of all that is good and beautiful.

She uses her hypnotic flower to suck the happiness and focus out of all who gaze at her, suckling from it and bestowing herself with a righteous glow of beauty and youth. Under that glistening exterior, she is a really a hag who has loitered around the rings of hell for nearly 3,000 years. She came to the Mahalo website after Jason was on his honeymoon in Hawaii (the very time and place where he "conceived" of the idea for this website, seriously).

You see, he was digging around this construction site in Hawaii and found a tiki idol. Now the locals tried to warn him it was taboo, but he didn't listen. Next thing he knew, tarantulas were crawling across his bed linens, tiki masks were falling off the wall, and when Mrs. Calacanis tried to enter a surfing competition...well, I don't have to tell you what a terrible wipeout that was.

Thank goodness she was okay. And Airemulp followed him right back to California and lay in wait for the site to be launched. And now here she sits, lying in wait for her next victim.

I plead of you all, do NOT STARE AT AIREMULP'S FLOWER FOR ANY LENGTH OF TIME. Your life and soul depend upon it. And if you leave your computer monitor on tonight and here any scratching and scrambling along the flooboard, for gods' sake, do NOT turn on the lights.

You might just have a 500 error waiting for you on the screen! Noooooooo! The horra!

Us very important and worldly scientists here at RITHDS track her movement and behavior daily in an effort to not only study her and learn from her, but to also devise a way to stop her. So far we've got a straw wrapper, some gum, and a pipe cleaner. We'll keep you posted.

In the meantime, please do not fall for her adorable cloak of sweetness. It is a lie! Here is the true face of Airemulp:

I wish I could take credit for creating the following account, but I have never been the creative sort and am honor-bound to inform you that this is the honest truth, relayed to me by King Mahalo-Halo, the grandfather of the young princess in the picture. King Mahalo-Halo departed this earth on January 22, 1959, at precisely the same moment I was entering, and by some unknown means of transmission he passed to me the history of the Mahalo people, which is much more expansive and extensive than we have time or space to cover in this discussion. I will limit myself (as much as possible) to the history of the Mahaloan people as it relates to Princess Mahalo-Ralo.

King Mahalo-halo was the seventh son of a seventh son, rare and precious beyond belief in the faith of his people. Whether son or daughter, is the object of many great prophecies, foremost among them the restoration of the four lost foundational truths of the Mahaloan people. From ancient times, mahaloans have looked forward to and longed for the restoration of the four missing truths.

The first truth is the only one remaining, the rest must be discovered on various quests by brave knights and knightesses of the Kingdom. The first foundational truth is this: "When gratitude dies on the altar of a man's heart, that man is well nigh hopeless. " For centuries, all Mahaloans have sought after gratitude with a pure heart and a single-minded spirit.

Now, at some point during the Princess' reign, they will restore the four lost truths in a wondrous and glorious ceremony, and Mahaloans will rest in the peaceful bliss that is their destiny. Princess Mahalo-Ralo has lineage on her father's side that intertwines with Elvis, the King of Gratitude ("thank you ma'am, thank you very much"), and on her mother's side includes Katie Couric (notice the smile and button nose), and Ellen DeGeneres, who will popularize the Hula as no-one has ever done, according to ancient prophecy. The Princess' first true love, Lady Mahalo-Palo, a rough water surfer extraordinaire (although far from being a dude), is currently away on a quest to discover the second foundational truth.

The necklace was a gift from Mahalo-Palo, and the Princess has made a vow never to remove it until her true love has returned. The large yellow flower has become the symbol of acceptance and inclusion for all people, and Mahalo-Ralo is seldom seen without it. In many other pictures, she has asked that a rainbow be included.

The Princess, you see, and her true love, Lady Mahalo-Palo, are the first same sex Royal Couple. In the Kingdom of Mahalo, people are busy being thankful for all of the blessings they have, and looking forward to the revelation of four more foundational truths to guide them. They have no time or inclination for bitter squabbles over other people's private lives, for they are too busy making sure their own houses are in order.

They have found that the first thing that will kill gratitude in their hearts is constant and accusatory examination of the lives of neighbors for whom they have no control or accountability. And yes, those ARE real coco-nuts. They are very uncomfortable and are worn only on formal occasions.

The rest of the time, the Princess follows the accepted custom of going, ... well, ...without. Teaching Hula to the World! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNpBN0mPwJ4.

I don't know too much about her and our encounters have been rather brief for the moment. I'd say she really likes the person who gave her that pearl necklace. She sure is smiling great big!

She is cute, but looks a bit top heavy to me. I don't think her feet can support her head. Her name is Mina and she is single with lots of potential suitors.

That's why she has two flowers and a pearl necklace. All the guys are trying to woo her. (they think she gives free tips and points).

However, she is really a Little Miss Goody Two-Shoes and loves and treats everyone equally. Go Mina!

I have heard that she is a former girlfriend of either @jeffhoard, @buddawiggi or @jason who moved to Hawaii after the relationship didn't work out, There was no animosity and they parted as friends. The peal necklace was conferred the first time the aforementioned main squeeze saw her coconuts. Oh, and I believe someone told me her name was Fifi.

" Well there may be some truth to the rumors that they are indeed dating but, the fact that she wears a hibiscus on the right side clearly indicates that she is still looking for a mate. "Who gave her that pearl necklace?" Hmmm, Maybe their not pearls at all?

Maybe its a battery pack that powers the hidden camera that she is hiding in the plumeria bloom she's holding disguised as pearls? If you look real real close you can see the little micro lense right in the center of that flower."Is her bra really made out of coconuts? " Looks more like a pair of @Jeffhoard sunglasses to me then it does a bra.

Ya know now that I really look at her, can we be sure its a her at all? Is it possible that we've been duped? And this is just the elusive little wild man from borneo with a strange hat on?(it does keep him in the shade).

I just figured Dora the Explorer hooked up with Trey Parker and Matt Stone, and they all moved to Hawaii.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.