Why do women or men stay in abusive relationships when people say it is so easy to get out?

I wonder this about women and men, including myself, since I am currently in an unhealthy relationship and have yet to leave. People say it is easy, but I just want to know the opinions on why if it is so easy, women stay? I can't answer this question myself because I don't know what is making me stay in an abusive relationship.

People say it is because of the children, they want the kids to have both of their parents, or others say its insecurities..But I want to know real life answers. Answering this could make me take one more step to leaving my abusive relationship. Asked by PC1322 26 months ago Similar questions: women men stay abusive relationships people easy Lifestyle > Relationships.

Similar questions: women men stay abusive relationships people easy.

Take care of yourself I don't know you and I am not in an abusive relationship so I can just give you my thoughts. I think the women that say it is so easy to leave are just not in the mindset of the abused woman. From what I have known about women who are abused they have very low self esteem.

Many of them have been abused by their own parents and that is all they know. Being abused is not just being hit but also by being yelled at and made to feel stupid, unworthy or just not good enough. After a while you just start to believe it and decide to make the best of the situation.

Leaving that person when you feel you are worthless is so hard to do. A woman who was raised to have pride in themselves and have power over their person would not have a problem leaving but sadly the other type just stays put. I do not believe it does children any good to be in a home where the mother and father are constantly fighting and arguing.

I grew up in a home like that and it was a relief to us kids when they finally got a divorce. Sure we missed not having our family together but it was so much more peaceful for us. I hope you can solve your problem and have a friend or a relative that you can talk to.

You need a "real person" to help you work this out. Good luck to you.

There are a lot of reasons..... why people stay in abusive relationships. There are the reasons that you stated; for the children, but that's not always the main reason "why". In some cases, even though the person they are with is abusive the person that is being abused does love the other person, and in some cases hopes that they (the abuser) will realize the damage that is being done and do something about it.

Insecurity or being alone is another biggie for why people sometimes stay in abusive relationships. The fear of being alone is a biggie, and the fear or insecurity of not be able to provide for themselves and sometimes their children is another reason why. I know in my case the hostilities are a result of my doing and I look at it as a form of punishment.

I messed up and now I'm being punished for what I did. In my case it's not physcial, it's verbal and sometimes emotional. I'm hoping that over time things wil get better and I can say that I'm no longer in an abusive relationship.In your case, you need to decide if and when it's time to get out.

You didn't say if it was physical, mental or emotional or a combination of all three. Decide what it is that is best for you and do it..

Fear, issues of self worth, concern over 'what will people think if they know the truth', not wanting to admit 'failure', having such a victim mentality is it hard to break free, "if I was only more x and less y, things would work out," take your pick. Any and all of them and a whole lot more. Everyone is different.

You need to decide which are true, and what to do about it. Whatever the reason/s, the result is the same. It leaves you emotionally paralyzed and scared, and second guessing yourself.

But the professionals who deal with abuse every day KNOW how to get you out of these situations. Do your research, plot your escape route, like if you were breaking out of a prison camp. Take your child, and go somewhere safe before it is too late.

And the longer you are away from him, the easier it will be. Good luck! .

Learned Helplesness One thing which often spares people from feelings of depression or helplessness is a sense of control over their immediate or long term circumstances (often referred to as an internal locus of control). A person should be able to walk away from an abusive relationship, or voluntarily quit a stressful job. A psychological condition known as learned , however, can cause a person to feel completely powerless to change his or her circumstances for the better.

The result of learned helplessness is often severe anxiety, depression, extremely low self-esteem and an perceived inability to change your circumstances regardless of what information or assistance is placed before you. Helplessness One famous experiment (done by American Psychologist Martin Seligman in the late 60s) which examined the phenomenon of learned helplessness involved three sets of dogs. Actually his initial intent was to investigate something else and he ended up coming across the phenomenon of Learned Helplessness.In this experiment, one set of dogs were placed in a regular harnesses and became the control group.

The second set of dogs were fitted with shock collars and placed in boxes with a foot-operated switch. These dogs could turn off a painful shock by pressing the switch at any time. The third set of dogs were given shock collars, but their foot switches were rendered useless by the researchers.

They had no control over the duration or intensity of the electric shocks. Groups two and three were shocked and with group two being able to control the shock with a foot pedal, they quickly learned this, stopped the electricity and developed no adverse effects (except perhaps a sore foot). The third group (the ones who had no control over the electricity) attempted to seek escape at first, but eventually, when all perceived routes of escape were exhausted, the dogs essentially gave up, became withdrawn and developed what the researchers interpreted as symptoms of depression.

For this third group of dogs, the painful shocks became an inescapable part of their existence, with no possible way to control or escape the situation. Interestingly, the researchers later took the dogs into another cage that was divided in half by a low barrier which was very easy for the dog to overcome. Now, the dog has a means of escape, they could simply walk to the other side of the cage.

When these dogs were electrocuted again, they no longer attempted to seek escape; instead, they went right to the learned helplessness stage giving up and being withdrawn. Even if the researchers picked the dogs up and moved them to the other half of the cage where the shocking stopped , showing them how to escape, the dogs would still not seek escape on their own.It took multiple times for the researchers moving the dogs to overcome their learned helplessness and begin seeking their own escape. The theory here is that being withdrawn, lowering your metabolism, and isolating within yourself can be an effective coping mechanism under certain conditions.

It follows that under certain conditions having a predisposition towards learned helplessness may improve your ability to survive, thus improving your ability to reproduce (in the long run), thus allowing this trait to be of evolutionary advantage. We find examples of this in the human condition as well. Your example of the abused spouse is one of the most well known examples.

Sources: Past Education (lectures) .

A lot of women are on their husbands insurance group, if they leave they don't have any insurance.

" "Afraid of getting into close relationships with other people.

People that are in abusive relationships and can not focus in school/work.

Has then divorce from this liberation destroyed relationships even more....

Afraid of getting into close relationships with other people.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.