Why is it so hard to trust people sometimes when you've been hurt a lot in the past?

Trust facilitates many important aspects of human relationships as well as personal development - communication, love, friendship and cooperation. When we trust a person we assume that they have good intentions and that they are not out to harm us in any fashion. We let our guard down, we relax and are able to genuinely enjoy that other person.

When the feeling of distrust is there we do not feel at ease. Instead, we are suspicious, guard ourselves according to the level of distrust and in some cases even experience paranoia. Also, feeling distrust in a relationship (whether personal or business) most people will feel the need to control the situation as a means of protecting themselves or their interests.

Whether you trust or distrust someone greatly affects the way you view that person, what you will or won't believe about them along with what you anticipate them to be capable of doing. The way in which you think about someone and respond to them is greatly dependent upon whether you do or do not trust them as well as the experiences that caused the trust or distrust. Trust should not be taken for granted.

People earn our trust through their actions. For example, keeping their word, being honest and not doing things to cause intentional harm to others. Distrust is also earned.

When a person has proven themselves through many incidents as being someone you cannot trust, we learn to be suspicious of them as a means of protection. And so, trust should not be given freely. Yet, neither should distrust.

Both must be earned. When the experiences of one's past seem to be made up of mostly people who have won the medal of untrustworthiness for themselves it sometimes causes suspicion and caution to be placed upon those who are undeserving of being labeled as those who can be trusted and those who cannot. The unfortunate fact is some people really are horrible people.

They cannot be trusted and learning that often comes at a price. Those individuals may be unreliable, dishonest and sometimes even dangerous. By placing them on your "DO NOT TRUST" list you are protecting yourself - and rightfully so.... from lies, deceit, disappointment, inconvenience and sometimes even actual harm.It is a healthy and much needed skill to be able to assess the situation and apply your past experiences to new ones as means of sorting out characteristics.

By evaluating the situation you can decide if you need to shield yourself or not. For example, you may have had a friend that lied to you often and the friendship had to end.In the future, you pay attention to detail more so you are able to catch lies earlier. By doing this you avoid developing a deep relationship with someone who you may deem to be unworthy of your trust.

If you notice the pattern of lies, you end the friendship before getting emotionally involved. This is safe and healthy. When you reach the point that you become paranoid of each new relationship that you encounter based on the things other people have done there is a problem.

Assuming everyone is going to do the same thing because it's what Susan or Bob did indicates issues that you should be dealt with - possibly with the help of a mental health professional. One common aspect of those who have serious issues with trust is they find themselves in a new relationship and because of past things set out to prove themselves right -- that the new person is untrustworthy. Instead of sensibly looking in both directions for facts to make an unbiased decision on the person's ability to be trusted they look only towards the negative -- reasons the person should not be trusted.

And of course, humanity is without perfection - negative things can be found. A bit of a phenomenon, but people tend to give us what we expect them to. The great and wise leader Gandhi once said, "If treated as a morally responsible being, a person is capable of responding as such.

If so trusted, he or she may become trustworthy." It was Gandhi's belief that if people are treated as if they are trusted, they would feel a moral obligation to live up to that expectation and eventually even become a trustworthy person because of it. However, he also was a man of realities who believed it was important to trust a person who had the smallest ounce of trust yet simply ignorant to keep trusting someone who had proven themselves to be undeserving.

When trust issues reach a problematic point you either become a rigid, suspicious, negative, and pessimistic person. This is damaging to your mental health, potential and current relationships and your entire social world (community, family, work, etc. ). If not rigid, suspicious, negative and pessimistic is not the person being so distrusting of the entire world has created then a victim is created - somehow you are deserving of the bad and hurtful things that have happened.

Either way, to have a happy life this is an issue that must be worked through. Humans need interaction. We are social creatures.

Trust is a necessity for those social interactions to be positive or enjoyable. It is important to be open enough to people that you are capable of approaching people with the attitude of trust. Signs of unreliability that occur from then on should be taken seriously.

But don't damn a person and make them pay for the sins of other people.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.