14 year old aspiring writer - Please critique this excerpt from my novel!?

You've got a lot of potential, I think you just need to get a bit more comfortable with your writing style. In these excerpts it looks like you're trying too hard to sound sophisticated, there's a lot of unnecessary explaining that could be put more simply - readers don't like to have to pick apart each little phrase, they want it to flow naturally. You seem to repeat yourself a lot where there's no need, and remember to try not to repeat the same word in one paragraph (unless it's an exception and that's the whole point) Anyway I'm being harsh here because I know you could be a good writer.In my opinion, it's not a good idea to rush into writing a novel straight away, try practising first - write a lot of rubbish and read alot.

Then when you truly feel comfortable with your style and know it's time to tackle it - start a novel Just my opinion. Good luck :).

Wow they're really good! If you wanna publish them anywhere do it on wattpad it's really good! Answer mine?

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Well, I have absolutely nothing bad to say about them! They are fantastic! I'm 11 and also want to be a writer... :) Answer mine?

Yawn* Sorry, that really, really, bored me. I wouldn't even read a novel like this. Maybe in book form it would be better, and if I had more background on it, but this just bored me.

And when I read this I think I had deja-vu... like I read a book like this before, like it's not original. That's just my opinion. But don't give up on being a writer, because your actually an okay writer, it's just that your plot/idea bored me.

It looks to me like you are a writer, and you have a talent from going over this text. At times, the language you use is too precious. Don't ever ever use words like "ponder" ("reflect," "think," etc) or "seeming" (too vague, filler material), or "for I don’t believe" (the "for" should never be used in this way, it sounds medieval.

For me, writing is about using as few, simple words as possible. I recently read "On Writing" by Stephen King (yes, the same Stephen King). Very useful.

Give it a shot (and there's a reading list at the end). You should also read "Saturday" by Ian McEwan. The best living English writer.

Rewrite some of the passages, slowly. What I'm trying to say is, reading books is as important as writing. If you can sleep a few hours a day, you should do as much writing as you do reading.

If you can't, read more, write less, but read every day. By 20 you should've read all the world's greatest novels.