Adoptees, what is your "gut" feeling about where you "belong?"?

I had no hand in the 'act' that was my adoption... all I can be proud of is surviving, standing up in the face of abuse, protecting my little sister, getting away and managing to be a fairly normal, well-educated, non-psychopath IN SPITE of my status as an adoptee and my childhood of abuse. In reality -- and I didn't see this touched on in the other answers -- I am quite ashamed of who I turned out to be when confronted (within myself, only) with the life that my natural parents and siblings have led, the things they have achieved and the positive impact they have on the world. I am pitifully under-accomplished by comparison and it is a bitter pill to swallow that my supposed 'better life' has brought me to such an ugly self-concept.

My family doesn't flaunt anything... they aren't doing the comparing... I am. When I look at my younger (natural) sister -- the person with whom I share the most common 'raw materials', so to speak -- and see all that she has done, all that she is doing... what an amazing service she does to our family, her community... even the nation... it makes me ache inside. I had no encouragement.

I had no opportunity. (<-- As a child and young adult... within my adoptive family, I mean.) Aside from the confusion of growing up in such a strange place and family... and not fitting in... and the abuse... I was not taught things... shown things... given opportunities... encouraged to learn, question and explore. I was told that "children should be seen and not heard".

I was told (often) that I was "too big for my britches" and I better "get some humility and fast". In reality, I was much, much more intelligent that any person in my adoptive family and they didn't know what to do with me. In fact, they didn't even know I was 'gifted' because they weren't... and had never experienced or expected a 'gifted' child.

They stifled me. They crushed my ambition. They crushed my soul.

At least I have the bittersweet chance, now in my late 30s, to witness (via my sister) what I might have been able to do... given the right environment. Please understand... I'm pretty proud of what I have actually accomplished, given my circumstances. I do feel an immense amount of self-imposed shame when I am surrounded by my natural family.

They are loving and kind, they accept me unconditionally, they are *mine*. It's still obvious, however, that I am sorely lacking in every imaginable 'category' when we are together. Adoption has caused me to "not fit in" in two worlds... the only two I have.

I am deeply ashamed of my adoptive parents. I thank god every day that they have such a common name that I don't have to 'claim' them publicly. I would be horrified to endure a daily reminder that we are 'connected' -- albeit only on paper -- in any way.

I would not voluntarily choose to associate myself with them. Adoption is an event AND a condition. It just 'is'.

I am neither proud nor ashamed of my adoptee-ness. My pride and shame are in accomplishments and the lack thereof. In my associations with people who I am naturally, genetically connected to and who I choose to love; and people I was randomly 'linked' to by humans... inherently fallible, commercially greedy humans... and who hurt me in ways that will affect me forever.

I don't have any ideas if my APs 'expected' me to be proud that I am adopted. I don't care.

I didn't do anything to be proud of. Adoption is just a part of me and who I am. I accept it as something that happened that drastically changed the course of my life, I am happy with where I am in life, but I didn't do anything and being adopted wasn't some huge achievement that I accomplished.

Adoption is nothing to be proud of, only something to be accepted.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.