As an Alzheimer's caregiver, how can I handle advice from family members?

Other members of your family have an interest in the well-being of your loved one with Alzheimer's—your children, a brother or sister, an in-law or other “interested parties.” These individuals may at times tell you that you should be doing something else for your loved one than what you are doing. Your role as the primary caregiver of your loved one will always be to listen, and to consider whatever advice is given but you need to be the one to decide whether to heed that advice or not.

One of the ways of dealing with such advice is to ask the person giving you advice to participate in the caregiving process, perhaps to spell you for an afternoon so that you can attend to some other things. This can at times get quite emotional. Let us say your daughter thinks that you should admit your spouse to a nursing home, or some other suggestion, and you clearly disagree.

There are no simple answers to this situation. Discuss the issue with the doctor or with members of your caregiver group, and if there is disagreement, bring the opinion of these other “experts” to bear on the issue. As I have said, listen always.

Consider, always, but comply only when the advice really makes sense to you and/or to the doctor or your group of peers in your support group.

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