Do I invite coworkers to the wedding that were invited to a surprise bridal shower?

My invitation to my friend's shower got misplaced. I was in the wedding party so I knew I was invited, so I just asked her about it. More likely than not you were invited to the wedding.

It would be a HUGE breach of etiquette to invite you the shower and not the wedding. In your position I'd be extremely hurt/embarrassed too. However, don't make too much of it until you're sure you weren't invited to the wedding.

Yeah it's a pretty major breach of etiquette to invite someone to the shower who isn't invited to the wedding. I would make sure, maybe in a casual way, something like an email that says: "It was so great seeing you at the shower! It seems that most guests have already received an invitation to the big day, and while the last thing I want to do is add to your wedding planning stress (I'm planning a wedding for next year myself) I just wanted to make sure my invitation didn't get lost or anything.

I totally understand if your wedding head count was too big to invite me, I just wanted to double check since I know how annoying it can be waiting for RSVP cards. Let me know if you need anything, and if I don't see you before the big day, best wishes!" If that's too passive aggressive or anxiety inducing, ask her mom or one of her bridesmaids to double check, phrase it the exact same way as in the email above, that you understand, but want to double check for their benefit.

Then when you're sure it was intentional, be sure her shower invitation links to the most expensive wedding registry and don't bother inviting her to your wedding! Just kidding, of course, don't hold grudges, if you can afford it and think she'll be a fun guest, invite her anyway. It may be that she has a huge family and little control over her guest list.

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