How can a diagnosis of ADHD affect my child's self-esteem?

It is important to understand that for a child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), a difference is not a disorder, because the notion that it is a disorder may undermine your child's self-esteem. Any medical or psychological diagnosis can have this effect, but ADHD particularly so. A diagnosis can become a central aspect of a person's identity.

With a diagnosis that has the words "deficit" and "disorder" in it, the person may begin to see himself as simply defective. The diagnosis of ADHD may convey to your child the following messages: He has a disease. He is a victim of a disease and therefore is not in control of his behavior.

The self is fundamentally untrustworthy because it is disordered or ill. All of these messages can lead to low self-esteem. In fact, this sense of shaken or damaged identity can, in itself, lead to behavioral problems that look remarkably like ADHD, resulting in a vicious circle.

The diagnosis of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) may seem to carry the subtle message that your child is a victim of a disorder and that he is therefore less capable of making choices. Sometimes parents or children think that, because ADHD is a disorder that they passively suffer from, the kids are not in control of and therefore are not responsible for their behavior. In the face of this assumption, they are more likely to act out in impulsive and irresponsible ways (in other words, "My ADHD made me do it").

The diagnosis of ADHD also serves as a barrier to healing because it conveys to you and your child that he cannot rely on his own judgment. The pathway to healing from ADHD includes a gain in self-esteem so he can trust himself to make important life choices and commitments. For example, children with ADHD often have an uncanny ability to read others.

Often, because they express these insights in seemingly irreverent ways, they are punished for the expression of this gift, leading them to doubt their own perceptions. This leads to conflict and confusion and lowered self-esteem, which themselves lead to disturbances in the children's relationships with others. In this way, the children's inability to trust their own experience of the world -- again, in part a consequence of the diagnosis -- leads to some of the very symptoms the diagnosis points to.

The key to changing your child's behavior is for you to recognize that your child can control some of his problematic behaviors. This will help you to help your child reclaim control and recognize his own power over his thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

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