How can I raise my children to be assertive?

Model assertiveness. Be the model you want your child to copy. Don’t be meek.

Stand up for your views even if they may be unpopular. Let your kids know that even though you might feel uncomfortable, you always feel it’s best to stand up for your rights or the rights of others. Don’t expect your child to be assertive if you’re not a model of assertiveness.

• Be a democratic household. Hold kitchen table debates. Use family meetings.

Listen to each child (and that doesn’t mean you have to agree with their views). When kids know their opinions count, they are more likely to talk out and feel comfortable speaking up for themselves. The best place for your child to learn to find his voice is in your home.

• Acknowledge assertiveness. Let your child know you value people who speak their mind. Reinforce your child’s assertiveness.

“I like how you spoke up!” Reinforce those behaviors in your child and let her know you honor her opinions. Then step back and let your child find her voice and speak up for herself –without your rescue.

• Teach your child C.A.L.M. Assertion. There are four steps that help kids stand up and speak up for themselves or others. Here are the four steps to C.A.L.M. • C – Stay cool.

Assertive kids are cool. If you get upset, ticked off, cry, or pout you don’t appear as confident and a bully says “yes” • A – Assert yourself. Teach your child a few comeback lines in different situations where he may need to assertive himself: “Cut it out.” “Stop it.” “That’s not right.” “You’re hurting her feelings.” “Because I don’t want to!”• L – Look the person in the eye.

Kids have to “look” confident before they can be taken seriously. And the best way to appear more confident is by using eye contact. Just by looking the person in the eye you will appear more confident.

• M – Mean it. Teach your child the difference between how a wimpy and a strong voice sound. Then encourage your child to assert himself using a strong and firm –but not yelling tone–to get his point across.

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