How can I stop being technologically handicapped by my younger and more technologically advanced family members?

If so I would like to hear from both sides. I realize that I set myself up for this, by asking for their help on almost every new electronic item I buy, (cell phone, computer, DVD, TV, surround sound, ipod, etc.) but then they do it all for me and I can't do it for myself later... when they are gone. I read the manuals .

. But? If I ask them to let me watch them set things up.. they say.. no that's okay I can do it for you, and they move very fast and set things up.

I just let them do it for me. I've learned now that this is not the way to go. Will it hurt their feelings if I INSIST that they show me how to do it?

Will it change the balance of our relationship? I am beginning to feel stupid when it comes to all the new electronic items out there. I know that I need and want their help, but it is handicapping me.

Help! I feel Dependant! Asked by TJRock 47 months ago Similar questions: stop technologically handicapped younger advanced family members Computers > Hardware > Desktops & Laptops.

Similar questions: stop technologically handicapped younger advanced family members.

You need a notebook and a navigator. I have heard this from a lot of people. I used to work in end-user tech support, and I’d hear this from people all the time.

You are so very not alone! You need to insist on being in the driver’s seat. Some people will have hurt feelings for a while and some people won’t.

Some folks will be impatient with you. Some will be more helpful. Remember that you’re not stupid and you don’t want people treating you like you are.

I’d suggest getting out of the habit of thinking that they’re "helping you" when they aren’t showing you how to do it yourself. I’m going to give an example of a good way to get around this and start feeling better about your computer skills because that’s what I used to help people do. Then I’ll tell you a few ways you can apply this more simply to other devices.

This is what works for most people. Get a spiral notebook that’s going to live right next to your computer. This notebook will be your computer diary.

Keep it there and don't use it for anything else. The next time you have something you need help with see if you can work out what you need to do from the manual. If you can, great!

Do that and make good careful notes in your spiral notebook about where you found the information and which options you chose. Don’t rely on your memory. If you ever have a problem and you get upset or confused about what happened in what order --you have a record of what you did in the notebook.

That can help you to remember and relate it to someone else if you ever need to. If you look at the manual, don’t get what it’s talking about, and think you still need someone else’s help --this is what you do. You call up the person that's going to be the most helpful to you.

This is not necessarily the person that knows everything about your computer. It's the person that knows more than you do AND is most likely to be patient with you while you do this. You ask them to please come over and help you to do it yourself.So, you want to make sure you let them know it might take longer because you'll be "doing the driving".

Set this dynamic up on the phone before they even come over. When the person gets there to help you tell them you want them to navigate you through whatever you’re trying to do. Then sit your ass down in the driver’s seat and do not budge.

What I mean by this is that you are going to be the only one to touch the mouse and keyboard. You are going to be the only person to plug anything into anywhere. Your friend or family member is only to help verbally.

You drive. They navigate.It helps aid the person's patience if the first few times you make an event of this sort of thing. Order a pizza or get a six-pack to thank them for their time and real help.

This also serves to keep their hands busy while you're doing the physical part of things. Have your spiral notebook opened. Write down a heading at the top of the page that says what you’re doing like "Installing XYZ" or "How to make video using ABC" or whatever.

As you do things write down all the steps you take.To start it's better to write too much than too little. Later on your entry may be a single line. It will take a while to get a feel for how much to write down and how much to leave out, but you eventually will get what works best for you.

You apply this same sort of principle to smaller devices in a few ways. If this is something you're installing one time you don't need a whole notebook for the item --like your DVD player. You can take notes on a single sheet or index card and put it with your manual.

You also may want to label the cabling in the back depending on how many devices you have in your entertainment setup. In fact you might want to label your cabling and devices before you do anything with a device at all. It will give you a better feel for how everything's connected.

If there's something weird about your new cell phone you might have a card either in your purse in the same compartment as the phone or in your wallet. Once you get to the point where you remember -say- where you find something non-obvious in the menu then you don't need the card to tell you that anymore. Once the card is more annoying than the device you throw the card away.

Just remember that the only way you're going to get over your technological handicap is to insist on doing things yourself. Make it a rule that only you touch your new toys. People can still help you, but they can do it by talking you through things.

Take care, Cyndy .

I'm usually the the who has to show my family members, but I it's great when they want to learn for themselves. I can give you the perspective as the "show-er" and not the "show-ee", and I think it's great when someone in the family that has less technical ability want to learn for themselves. It's not always a fun adventure for either of us, and certainly take more time, but I think it can be positive and beneficial for both sides.

I don't think you'll hurt anyone's feelings by asking that they let YOU do it and they just guide you along the way. Not everyone is so wonderful at explaining the steps, and sometimes even the technically gifted have to stumble through the instructions first too, but there's no reason they should take any offense that you want to do it for the benefit of future issues and your own support. Also, if you have an interest in learning some of the technology on your own you might consider looking at some of the more user friendly technology sites like Kim Komando's http://www.komando.com.

She's the self-described Digital Goddess who has a radio show covering a very broad range of technology for people looking for guidance and support. Much of her information is available free from the website, and it really is written for self support of the less technically inclined. As you gain more confidence and knowledge, asking for support for the areas you're still unfamiliar with will come easier.

Good luck!.

Okay, here's what you need to do. Have a patient, younger techie sit with you while you go through all the steps you're trying to learn. Just like you didn't learn to drive by reading about it or watching someone else do it, you need hands on experience with someone there to guide you.

And don't feel "stupid" for trying something challenging. I bet you've helped many younger people master various skills over the years. To continue with the driving analogy, you may also find that it's best to go outside the family for this kind of help.

I'd do it myself, but I'm a little outside your geographic area. Don't give up. The process can be frustrating, but the rewards can be great too.

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Oh my I can relate! My first suggestion is RELAX! It's not all that serious, it just feels that way.

I am a (cough) mature adult female who is also technologically challenged. More frankly stated it frustrates the hell out of me so my 45 year old daughter does it all for me. She loves it, I don't.

But like you I also have some control issues. I like having control over not only myself but those things in my surroundings like cell phones, computers, iPods etc. So I have struck a balance. I started with my own medicine.

RELAX, it just isn't such a big deal. Then, since I know she likes doing these things for me, I let her. When she has gone back to CA (I'm in CT) and something goes haywire it then becomes her challenge to help me figure it out for myself long distance.

Then I learn! She goes away once again feeling that she helped me, and she did, and I may or may not be able to fix it myself next time. That's kinda iffy.

But it's OK I'll call her again and she can teach me again. When she is here with me and installing something, I casually walk in the room and peak over her shoulder at times.It's really kind of funny. The more you can make it fun or funny the more relaxed you can be and the more you will be able to let go of what we all have---control issues.

Have a great day!.

Jump in and learn The next time you purchase an item that needs setting up, do it yourself. Read the manuals and learn how to make something work for yourself. Do not allow others to set it up for you.

Yes, it may take longer and it may be frustrating. Setting things up will help you and the next time you decide to upgrade an item, you will know how to do it and it will take less time to get it set up. If you get stuck, call costumer service.

This way you solve the problem on your own. You just have to take the plunge and jump in with both feet and learn. When your younger relatives come over, you can show them what you know.

You may even teach them a thing or two. I hope this helps! Sources: my opinion .

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