How did pre/post-marital sex become a morality issue?

I offer no judgements. You are right, in a way. Caring for someone with Alzheimer's IS a huge job, especially in its advanced stages.

It is a progressive disease, so things will get worse, as far as her condition and her lessening abilities goes. Do your research. Do this together, so you are fully aware of what you may be taking on.

What you both need to do NOW is look at all the options for help and assistance that are available to you. You can find out through a local chapter of the Alzeihimer's Association, a Senior's Carer's Association or the Local Municipal/Council Offices. There are also private nursing/care companies that can offer assistance, but they tend to be a more expensive option.

There are several services available to assist you meet her needs - Home Care (cleaning services), Personal Care (assistance with her showering, feeding, meals etc.), Assistance with Shopping/Outings, Respite - either in your home or in a short term care facility (to give BOTH of you a break from the responsibility), Adult Day Care (so she can be supervised while you work), Planned Activity Groups (that take into account her medical condition). There are Carer's Groups that can help you both learn ways of coping, of being able to accept help without feeling guilty, that will assist you with information and contacts and that can assist you to get the breaks from responsibility that you both need. The other option is to look into permanent care - Aged Hostel/Nursing home, preferably nearer to home so that daily visits are possible.

If, after researching all of those options you really don't think you can cope, you have to be honest with your husband. This is not a decision to be taken lightly, nor is it one you can choose to sit back and allow your partner to take on, on their own. You are married and no matter how you want to look at it, it WILL be a joint responsibility.

This will affect both your lifestyles for a long time to come.

I think it would be safer to have her live in an adult care home with professional staff who know how to care for Alzheimers patients. You will soon have a child and will probably be raising the 15 year old BIL, so having to care for an Alzheimers patient would be too much. The children will suffer for it.

Your marriage will suffer for it. Your BIL will be an adult in only 3 years - not long. Since you are moving closer to your MIL, you will be bale to visit her frequently and bring her home occasionally.

You won't be abandoning her. I completely understand how you're feeling. You're just starting your own little family.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.