How do you help children cope with the loss of a parent?

My brother-in-law is dying of cancer and my four nieces (6-14) are of course showing the signs of stress and upset, especially the oldest. He was such a presence in their life, as a disabled vet he was a "house-husband" and stayed home and did everything for them, cooked, cleaned, while their mom worked. Besides losing him, they will have huge changes as they will have to help their mom out much more, she will still ahve to work.

I'm worried about them. Especially the oldest, signs of depression and sulleness... accompanies with the stresses of entering high school, all of that together - how do you help a kid cope with all of this? Asked by JafafaHots 59 months ago Similar questions: help children cope loss parent Family.

Similar questions: help children cope loss parent.

A lot of love, understanding and conversation Nobody can take away the hurt and sorrow they will feel. Give them a shoulder to cry on, A good listening ear to which they can vent their anger, hurt and feelings of loss, Let them express their grief in their own way, If they are religious, help them pray, Plan some kind of memory place, plant a special tree with a memory garden where they can 'remember'. Help them assemble pictures of dad and make a memory book with each of them.

Encourage them to talk, tell funny stories, enjoy their happy memories of their dad. Mention his name often during normal conversation. Give lots of hugs, Give little advice, Don't pile them with chores and responsibilities too quickly.

Give them time to heal.

You can only try... My father passed away of a heart attack when I was 12. At the time my brother was 9 yrs old and my mother never seemed to be the person I remembered her being before my father passed on. The responsiblity of trying to take care of a parent in mourning and younger siblings can be very taxing and honestly depressing.It was a huge weight and as the oldest I felt it was my job to take care of them.

We went to grief counseling together as a family however this I did not necessarily find helpful at the time. It is alot to deal with when you are trying to figure out who you are, growing up and going off to high school, seperating yourself from "your parents" and "childish middle school things" and becoming your own person. What I did find helpful was Group Art Therapy and some individual grief counseling.

It helped to know that others were going through the hard times as well, that kids like me also had to grow up rather quickly and felt angry and depressed about both their living and non-living parent. The best way to help a child cope is to show them they are not alone and their feelings are ok no matter what they are.No child should feel bad about being too angry, sad, confused, or happy because of things their non-living parent may have always done, said once, missed because they are gone, or will miss because they are gone. No feelings are wrong in grieving, but rules must remain even when we feel confused or out of control.

Structure and continued consequences helped to let us know that even though our father was not there Life would still go on. We couldn't just hide and not do what we were supposed to because "Life is Short and who really cares! ", we had to continue on because even without him we were still alive.

I know this may be more rambling then helpful, however I have included some links that may give you some help on how to help your nieces. Also keep in mind that no matter how alike 4 girls might look, dress, act and the fact that they are related have no bearing on how they grieve. We all grieve differently and we all need to be spoken to as such.

drawntogether.com/resources.htm caringinfo.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pagei... cancercare.org/about_us/contact_us/new_j... Kathleen .

Be a safe place Grief is a terribly lonely experience - these kids will have lots of extreme emotions that society at large will expect them to bottle up. Can you provide them with some sort of activity they can look forward to regularly where they can get a little distance from stress and express their feelings? For instance, when they feel overwhelmed, they can come to your house and spend a few hours baking cookies, or taking a long walk etc?They may sometimes experience anger at the Dad for being so sick, and then be overwhelmed by guilt - let them know they have one person at least, who does not expect them to always wear a brave mask.

Can you find a young adult who has been through something similar to introduce to the 14 year old? If you can, just get them both to go with you on a casual shopping afternoon and see if they hit it off. A 14 year old would probably be quicker to listen to a 22 year old than someone her parents' age.

She needs to hear from someone that, while life won't ever be the way it was before the illness, but it will someday be good again. Bless you all! Sources: lost 4 family members in the past 5 years, 2 of them to cancer .

Im 22 and still have a hard time with death... I just had my grandpa die last year and it was hard even for me so I think adults go through the same as kids do. The best thing to do is assure them that they have gone to a better place. Also tell your kids its ok to cry beleave me it helps.

Also you should talk with them alot about death to help them understand better but the only thing that I found that helps the most is just time I mean its still there in your mind but time will help. Its better just to give the kids some extra attention and help comfort them then eventually they will feel alot easier about it. Hope that helps :) Sources: my opinion .

Keep them involved. Strange that I find your question today, as I was just reading an article about a Dutch school teacher that is dying of cervical cancer. I really liked the way she dealt with her illness, and had her class involved in the entire process.

I include a link to the document, even though it is in Dutch, but I am sure you will get the general idea of it:(telegraaf.nl/binnenland/56886611/Leerlin...)Basically, the entire class has been building a special coffin for her, and by that have been actively involved in her death-process. They are working on it, playing with the coffin (pretending it is a submarine), and are in the meantime dealing with the entire situation in their own way. I don't advise you to have your nieces create a coffin, but you might get some inspiration from it.

Have them involved in one way or other, directly or indirectly actively participating in taking care of your brother-in-law. This will help them dealing with their own feelings, and give them a chance to 'repay' part all the things he has done for them in the past. Their help might be very little things, like bringing a glass of water, or similar.

Anything to get them involved. Whatever you decide to do with this advise, the worst you can do is keep them away completely, as that might make things even more difficult. Sources: My opinion .

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