If you're a single parent... How do you help your children cope with the constant let downs from the absent parent?

This is a very sad time for me.. My ex doesn't have a job AGAIN, so he makes excuses for not being around for his visitation. The real kicker was... when he informed me that he will NOT be around for Father's Day. I have been my sons MOTHER and FATHER... so this isn't a holiday for just men.. I feel that Father's Day has always been a holiday for me to celebrate all that I have sacrificed and accomplished for my children.

I usually make this holiday very special for my oldest son. (One year he waited for my ex to come, and he never showed up). However, I just plan the day out and go with the flow.. this way there will be NO more let downs, and we all have fun.

This year, I am taking them to the Children's Museum and have invited my father to join us. If you're a single parent and have been through this same scenario... Please come celebrate Father's Day with me! You deserve it!

Asked by ~Nutty~ 42 months ago Similar questions: single parent help children cope constant downs absent Family > Parenting.

Similar questions: single parent help children cope constant downs absent.

We don't dwell on it and live the day to its fullest In your case, no job, is not a reason for him to ignore his son. I hope you are documenting each and every time this happens, as it might be something you will need in the future. I am a single dad of 5 boys.

All have been adopted from fostercare. At my house Father's day is just another day. Granted its special because I get cards (my facs are still the homemade ones that come from the heart!) from my boys and extra hugs, and normally they behave a tad better and the eldest helps keep the younger ones inline better.

Same normally happens on Mother's day, after I got a card from all the boys I had at the time, foster and adopted and it said "Dad, thanks for being our mom 2. Ur the best!" and then had some comments from each one, and it had me in tears, and from then on I get a homemade card on Mother's Day telling me how much of a great mom I am too, and some of the comments/notes are really cute n funny. , from the kissing boo-boos, to the diaper/sheet changes at 2 am after a nightmare and their diapers leaked, the cookies for cubscouts, to the taking care of them when they are sick (amazing how boys, even teens, all seem to be like toddlers when they are sick).

ETC... The most important thing is to enjoy the time you have with your son, and make sure he does not think its his fault why his dad is not spending time with him. This year we went fishing, not catching, but fishing and had a great time together. And that is what its all about is having another great day together!

At least that is how I see it. I know some like to have a day alone and quiet, but that is not what a real Daddy does to his kids, he spends the day with them, because as they get older, they won't want to hang out with you so much and you will get plenty of quiet days then! Just be the best Parent you can be, and make sure your child gets lots of luv, hugs, and positive attention and some cuddle/snuggle time watching tv/dvds too, even as they get older!

I think its a great thing to have your father there, so he can see how a good father is so he will have those memories as he grows older and becomes a father himself... Have a great one and be strong! Sources: My experiences as a single foster/adopting dad, please check out my Online Gallery at http://AkPhotos.zenfolio.com/ GlacierWaterIsCold's Recommendations Real Boys : Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood Amazon List Price: $16.00 Used from: $0.01 Average Customer Rating: 4.0 out of 5 (based on 116 reviews) Holding Time Amazon List Price: $13.00 Used from: $1.31 Average Customer Rating: 4.0 out of 5 (based on 73 reviews) Real Boys' Voices Amazon List Price: $15.00 Used from: $0.25 Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5 (based on 15 reviews) Real Boys Workbook Amazon List Price: $16.95 Used from: $4.42 Average Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5 (based on 3 reviews) Have a great one. These are all good!

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I've seen that look before, it's heartbreaking. I'm remarried and I consider myself extremely lucky to have married the man that I married. S priorities are the health, happiness and well-being of our family - focusing on the children.

Yes, I said, our children. He has never treated my daughter as anything less than his own, I'm fairly certain he continued dating me to hang around with her. He helped her learn how to ride a bike, taught her how to tie her shoes (he says I do it wrong!), he's stepped in and shown her what a dad really should be doing.

Before him, I saw that look so many times, I almost prayed for him to tell me he (my ex) didn't want anything to do with her, but he's just selfish enough to need that picture perfect looking family or to use her as bait to date someone. I made a huge mistake, that you don't seem to be making. I covered for him - for too long.

The day my daughter asked me why I was lying for him, I cried. I told her I didn't want her to be hurt, she said it was too late, she already was.So, from that day forward, I didn't cover for him and she called him on his lies. I told her that she needed to talk to him about the last minute cancellations, standing her up, faking an illness, saying he had to work...whichever excuses he was pulling at the time.

She finally did and he denied it, but I noticed that one those days, she didn't want to wait for him anymore, she didn't trust him. We just hung out on those days and the days were it really hurt her, she would ask questions and I would answer them. I found it actually was ok to say, "I just don't know why your father didn't tell you the truth.

" She understood that, much more than I ever gave her credit for! Happy father's day to you! You are a great set of parents!

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I'm so sorry! Been there done that. He left me with the six of them, ages 6 to 17, in 1991.

Not long after he left I stopped his truck downtown when I saw it to inform him our youngest had had another grand mal seizure but this one had landed him in the hospital where I had been all night (I was downtown picking up medications). He looked at me like "and this has WHAT to do with me? " I was so angry!

Five of our children were adopted special case kids and our youngest got encephalitis about a year and a half after we got him. My ex never bothered asking about any of them after he left. Several times I tried to tell him how much they were hurting and needed to hear from him or see him and it made no dent at all.

When our oldest daughter was diagnosed with Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy several years later, I think he sent her a card when I let him know. She threw it away. It's really, really hard, and my heart goes out to you.

You know you are not the only one, but that doesn't make it any easier. Being a single parent is the pits. You are responsible for all decisions, bear the entire burden, and have to stand in the gap on all issues.It's exhausting, frustrating, and often downright painful.

So, first of all, God bless you. Second, have a wonderful time this Sunday. You dad is there to be with you and that's great.

Mine died years and years ago and I still miss him! Your father will fill a bit of the gap for your kids.An adult male is something needed and special and I'm glad he is there. As for the kids' father, there is nothing you can do.

Tell your kids, simply, "That's the way he is and we have to live with it." Encourage them to exchange letters so all ties won't be broken, as he may become a little regretful and/or responsible later. But in the long run, helping them cope with this kind of disappointment and hurt now will also help them deal with future disappointments and hurts.

Be there for them. You know that part! But simply be there for them and keep on keeping on.

There is nothing more you can do. And, again, God bless you.

The children need to know who their parents really are. They need to know their parents warts and all. By this I mean, don't force them to acknowledge their father and don't try to force their father to have anything to do with them.

Conversely, do not interfere if their father has a sudden attack of conscience and does something for them. Bottom line, their father needs to make his own relationship with the children. I artificially supported the relationship between my ex and my children for too long.

When the youngest turned 18 I quit. I told them I was no longer going to arrange for birthday or father's day dinners etc. They were on their own. This year they didn't acknowledge his birthday.

My daughter has told me she wants to spend father's day with her grandfather. My eldest says he has no intention of seeing my ex.My youngest has said nothing. Of course my ex has not contacted my eldest in over a year.

He hasn't spoken to my daughter in months. He called my youngest once to "hang out" but my youngest informed him we already had plans. I filed for divorce from my ex.

He decided to divorce the kids as well. There was nothing left to handle. Protecting them from that reality just creates a bigger mountain to fall off of.

My disappointment is extreme but I am not surprised. S office had a "family" dinner to which the entire family was invited. He took his new girlfriend.

He did not invite any of the children.My daughter said that his actions summed up the relationship.

You must always be positive all the time... My Mom after her divorce was always positive the hardest acting job she had to do with three boys, it also took lots of courage to just up and leave with three boys. A stay at home mom that had to go to school while her own boys were in school, relying at first on welfare for assistance not for her but three boys that needed school,food and clothes. I was taken aside one day at 11yrs mom told me that I was the man of the house now and that there were tough times coming, that glacoma had all but taken her eyes and many surgeries were coming.

I was going to be her leaning post and take care of my younger brothers and the house chores as well as school! I have not seen my dad since mom left him behind, he has not taken the time to find out about his boys and when I did write he never answered. My mom was always way out front of families with two parents, she like I said was always positive and upbeat in front of us boys.

She saw that everything was provided for her boys and always placed herself last, not once did I hear her talk bad in any form about our dad, she always explained so we understood why she did what she did. Not once did dad give her assistance for his boys, not once did she keep his where abouts secret from us only he remained at a distance and out of reach. My mom was both parents and did an outstanding job!

Nutty you keep the positive upbeat attitude and doing just what your doing! Your children know who they can rely on and that is whats really important right, they know you are always there, they know who really loves them! Take it from one of three boys who had a mom be both parents...:@) Sources: PC 123 .

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.