How do you tell your romantic partner that they are a poor lover?

There are so many variables to consider, but it all boils down to communication. There can be an infinite number of underlying reasons why someone isn't a good lover. And, in any relationship, it takes two to make two good lovers in the same relationship.

If this is a reasonably new relationship, some people have a slower learning curve than others, as a lover and a communicator. If you've been together beyond 6 months, and you live reasonably close to each other, or live together, you both need to be talking to each other. Here are some questions to consider.

How comfortable is the relationship in all other areas? Are there issues in other areas that translate to apathy or resentment in bed? Is one more domineering than the other outside of the bedroom, and the other resents it?

The same with pasivity. Or is there a wish to have more of a take charge attitude from either partner that's not expressed? Does one pay more times than the other and can that person afford it?

In these economic times, it's understandable to be strapped for money, but also be too embarrased to suggest "splitting the bill". Are there past relationship issues secretly popping up in any aspect of the relationship that get carried into the bedroom? When it comes to wants and wishes in a relationship, it's not always about meeting halfway.It's about finding that happy compromise between you two, no matter where that falls.

Now, if you two really click emotionally, and the only problem is in the bedroom, physically, that really simplifies things. Not knowing the specific dislikes you're experiencing with your partner, I'd like to mention that what isn't working for you could have been fireworks in your partners previous relationships. And the other caveat is: If no one tells you, how are you going to know any better.

One of the basic concepts and goals of being good lovers, is to please your partner, whatever that dynamic entails. If you both can't agree on that, and sex is important to both of you in a relationship, then it might be time to move on. I'd like to think that you already know if your partner is as invested in this relationship as you are.

However, if you don't know that yet, it might come up directly or indirectly, and could possibly be an underlying issue. I know you asked a basic question, however, I presented this diatribe with the thought that the questions I proposed might help you consider, or bring to the surface, other aspects of the relationship that could be the causality of your bedroom issues. And, in turn, maybe give you a better direction on how to approach the subject.

I hope that once you both open up to discussing this problem, you'll find that your partner is not only very teachable, but incredibly eager to learn! Having written all of that, if it's truly, truly a physical or logistics problem and you don't want to get cerebral about it, you don't have to tell your partner anything, in a formal conversation. Even Dr. Phil says "You teach people how to treat you.

" If you're partner is a woman, then the basic communication issues are half solved. If your partner is a guy, there are a few other considerations. Men and women are physically wired differently and process information very differently.

If you think this is a myth, please look online for male and female brain comparison studies. When it comes to wanting something from a guy (you want him to be a better lover), you have to be direct, but at the same time, tread very lightly. Dropping hints with most guys does not work!

As much as I hate to write it, teaching a guy how to please you, if he is uncreative or just inexperienced, is almost like training a dog. It's about repetition and reward. You're not criticizing, you're encouraging.

You're not telling, you're suggesting. Many guys and some women don't have a clue when it comes to passion and playing. If they're doing something right, let them know, either vocally or with a touch to encourage them.

If they're doing something wrong, a shift or nudge on your part is not criticising or threatening to their ego. "Playing" with your lover should be FUN! I've always felt that if you're not laughing (together), you're not doing it right.

"Control" games can be fun and educational for both of you. I'm not talking about B&D, unless that's a level that you wish to go to. I'm talking about setting a length of time, 15 min, an hour, an evening, where one of you is "in charge" of the other, to direct or to do to, as the one in charge pleases.

When You are in charge, this is a great opportunity to teach you're partner how you like to be pleased. And visa versa. Hopefully you'll both remember what you learned for the future.

Some outside help for creativity or inexperience could be Penthouse Forum or Variations. Both of them are story magazines, with minimal pictures for the guys. They're good idea mags or you could also play out parts of a story.

Have one night a week where you or your partner gets to pick which story, as long as you both agree. If you wanted to give your partner a hint, you could leave the mag out, open to a story, or bookmarked. And after spending time together, even the next day, while you're just hangin' out, mention what you liked which will also open up your partner to hearing what you liked "not so much".

Encourage your partner to do the same. If things go well, this will also set up thoughts and anticipation of the next time. Wishing you many happy moments.

There are so many variables to consider, but it all boils down to communication. There can be an infinite number of underlying reasons why someone isn't a good lover. And, in any relationship, it takes two to make two good lovers in the same relationship.

If this is a reasonably new relationship, some people have a slower learning curve than others, as a lover and a communicator. If you've been together beyond 6 months, and you live reasonably close to each other, or live together, you both need to be talking to each other. Here are some questions to consider.

How comfortable is the relationship in all other areas? Are there issues in other areas that translate to apathy or resentment in bed? Is one more domineering than the other outside of the bedroom, and the other resents it?

The same with pasivity. Or is there a wish to have more of a take charge attitude from either partner that's not expressed? Does one pay more times than the other and can that person afford it?

In these economic times, it's understandable to be strapped for money, but also be too embarrased to suggest "splitting the bill". Are there past relationship issues secretly popping up in any aspect of the relationship that get carried into the bedroom? When it comes to wants and wishes in a relationship, it's not always about meeting halfway.It's about finding that happy compromise between you two, no matter where that falls.

Now, if you two really click emotionally, and the only problem is in the bedroom, physically, that really simplifies things. Not knowing the specific dislikes you're experiencing with your partner, I'd like to mention that what isn't working for you could have been fireworks in your partners previous relationships. And the other caveat is: If no one tells you, how are you going to know any better.

One of the basic concepts and goals of being good lovers, is to please your partner, whatever that dynamic entails. If you both can't agree on that, and sex is important to both of you in a relationship, then it might be time to move on. I'd like to think that you already know if your partner is as invested in this relationship as you are.

However, if you don't know that yet, it might come up directly or indirectly, and could possibly be an underlying issue. I know you asked a basic question, however, I presented this diatribe with the thought that the questions I proposed might help you consider, or bring to the surface, other aspects of the relationship that could be the causality of your bedroom issues. And, in turn, maybe give you a better direction on how to approach the subject.

I hope that once you both open up to discussing this problem, you'll find that your partner is not only very teachable, but incredibly eager to learn! Having written all of that, if it's truly, truly a physical or logistics problem and you don't want to get cerebral about it, you don't have to tell your partner anything, in a formal conversation. Even Dr. Phil says "You teach people how to treat you.

" If you're partner is a woman, then the basic communication issues are half solved. If your partner is a guy, there are a few other considerations. Men and women are physically wired differently and process information very differently.

If you think this is a myth, please look online for male and female brain comparison studies. When it comes to wanting something from a guy (you want him to be a better lover), you have to be direct, but at the same time, tread very lightly. Dropping hints with most guys does not work!

As much as I hate to write it, teaching a guy how to please you, if he is uncreative or just inexperienced, is almost like training a dog. It's about repetition and reward. You're not criticizing, you're encouraging.

You're not telling, you're suggesting. Many guys and some women don't have a clue when it comes to passion and playing. If they're doing something right, let them know, either vocally or with a touch to encourage them.

If they're doing something wrong, a shift or nudge on your part is not criticising or threatening to their ego. "Playing" with your lover should be FUN! I've always felt that if you're not laughing (together), you're not doing it right.

"Control" games can be fun and educational for both of you. I'm not talking about B&D, unless that's a level that you wish to go to. I'm talking about setting a length of time, 15 min, an hour, an evening, where one of you is "in charge" of the other, to direct or to do to, as the one in charge pleases.

When You are in charge, this is a great opportunity to teach you're partner how you like to be pleased. And visa versa. Hopefully you'll both remember what you learned for the future.

Some outside help for creativity or inexperience could be Penthouse Forum or Variations. Both of them are story magazines, with minimal pictures for the guys. They're good idea mags or you could also play out parts of a story.

Have one night a week where you or your partner gets to pick which story, as long as you both agree. If you wanted to give your partner a hint, you could leave the mag out, open to a story, or bookmarked. And after spending time together, even the next day, while you're just hangin' out, mention what you liked which will also open up your partner to hearing what you liked "not so much".

Encourage your partner to do the same. If things go well, this will also set up thoughts and anticipation of the next time. Wishing you many happy moments...

I wouldn't. Directly saying to a partner, "You aren't good in bed" is not going to help. It's going to hurt their self esteem and likely your physical relationship.

Rather than actually telling them, offer guidance. Identify what it is about their love making that you feel is unsatisfactory and lead them in another direction. You can also offer up references for their own reading such as the kama sutra and they likely won't take it as "you suck" but rather, "let's try new stuff" which hurts far less.

I'm a huge fan of honesty, but in some instances there are things better than blunt honesty.

Don't tell them, some things are better left unsaid. Instead you should tell your partner how to make love to you, in a very gentle way without them feeling like they had been doing something wrong. When it comes to issues of skills in love making it gets very sensitive especially to men.

There is not a nice way of telling your partner they are bad perfomers in bed. Also, you should keep yourself in check, to see if your performance is up to the level of your partner's expectations because you never know just the same way he doesn't know of your expectations. If you get really frustrated, you will have to talk to your partner.

Ask them if you are good enough in bed for them. Act as if you doubt your performance, make it about you. Just when they say something about your performance then you will justified to talk about theirs and without knowing it you will both be talking about the whole issue with open minds.

But remember to go easy. Good luck.

Mutual empathy is the key to a loving relationship. (I actually just learned about this in my Human Sexuality course lol) But seriously, it would be devastating to tell a lover that they are not a good lover. Rather I would try to express how I may feel inadequate at times about expressing what I want sexually.In repsonse, my partner is liely to encourage me to express myself and I could then tell him what it is I really like.

This would also help to build intimacy, which is a keystone in a loving relationship. Offering my own insecurities up to be encouraged to express myself would offer him the chance to take the lead rather than me badgering him or condemning his lovemaking skills. The hope is that this would lead ot me taking responsibility for expressing what it is I want in a lover.

I'm a firm believer that it takes two people to make one poor lover or one good lover. What he may have experienced in the past may have been completely satisfying to whoever he was with. If I don't tell him what I want then it is I who am the poor communicator, not he that is the poor lover.

I unfortunately have that problem. I love him to death but 75% of the time when it comes to the bedroom..I want it done and over with....my main issue is it's always the same, down to the second. So luckily since I worked at an Adult store I know some tricks to help us spice things up...so one at a time we try something new, and things are slowly getting better...it's great...

Telling your romantic partner that he or she is bad in bed will never lead to anything good. People tend to be sensitive about this aspect of themselves -- either they're insecure about their lack of experience, or too confident! A much better solution is to, instead of pointing out things they're doing wrong, suggest things they can do right.

Tell him or her what you'd like, offer gentle suggestions. It can be part of getting them in the mood, so to speak. Be as detailed or as vague as you'd like and as your partner is generally comfortable with.

And if done right, it won't sound like a correction, but something new, and your partner should be very eager to reciprocate!

The best advice I can give you first and foremost is to remember that your partner's feelings are at stake, so it's best to approach this situation very carefully. With that in mind, the first thing I would do if I were you would be to ask yourself, "What is it that my partner is/isn't doing that is causing my dissatisfaction? " Compiling this list of things that need to be fixed will aid tremendously in helping to improve the situation as you will know exactly what it is that needs to be fixed.

After coming up with the reasons for your situation, you need to think of the best way to approach your partner and put these things out on the table for him to see. Perhaps he doesn't do simple things like tell you how much he loves you and how beautiful you are. By simply suggesting to him, "I love it when you give me complements, it makes me feel so sexy."

He is sure to get the hint. But if it is something more serious, perhaps when it comes to activities in the bedroom, you would obviously want to try the same method of indirect suggestion to try and give him a hint but also be a little more sensitive to what you are saying. When it comes to activities in the bedroom, men like to feel like we're gods and if a woman were to ever talk about how much our performance sucks, it would instantly bruise our ego and create tension in the relationship.

I really wish I could do more to help but as there isn't much detail in the question, please post additional details if more assistance is needed. Hope this helped and best wishes!

He almost certainly already knows. The reason could be that he prefers to have sex with other women.

Well, that is a tough one. I would not tell them. I would just try to spice things up as best I could and drop hints.

I think it would be devastating to actually go right out and tell your lover that they are no good in bed. Some things are better left unsaid. If it is really bad, you might have to break up with them.

Communication is absolutely the key, but it doesn't always work out. If the ONLY thing wrong with the relationship is the sex, then communication and experimentation should make everything better. However, at least in my own situation several years ago, the sex was not only bad but it was also the least of our problems.

We had way too many philosophical differences that could not be resolved (such as his belief that racism and "little white lies" were OK) but I tried the better sex angle first. He was "vanilla", I was "spicy salsa". I will say he was willing to try, but his efforts actually felt uncomfortable to me.

A few words of warning: If you do split up and he brings up the sex factor as in screaming "Is/Was he better than me? ", it will serve no one to scream back "OF COURSE HE IS! " s self-esteem will be destroyed and a few weeks later he will pout and say "I always thought I was pretty good".

Of course, that's just a hypothetical situation. ; ).

OK, well let's see. First off, I wouldn't tell them anything negative like they are a "poor lover". Try to say things in a positive light to keep them from feeling awful about their skills in the sack and to try to prompt them to be more receptive to you.

You can try to help them understand the preferences that you like such as touch me here and it makes me all hot and bothered. It may take a while to for them to know what you like and what you don't, but in the long run, the act will be much better for both of you. Men and women are completely different both in the anatomy and how their bodies respond to the 5 senses (touch, taste, smell, sight, and sound).

Slow down, relax, and take in every one of those senses. It heightens arousal and can bring you closer to your partner. Remember to be patient.

Learning your partners body from the inside out (no pun intended) takes time to understand and perfect what makes the other person go weak in the knees. Guide there hand to that special spot and let them know you looooooooooooovvvvvvveeee that particular sensation or stroke. If you two have chemistry and patience, I don't see why you can't have a long and successful relationship.

Good luck and remember that time and patience will be the contributing factors for this to work!

Telling him straight "You are not a good lover" will probably make him a worse lover, because he will start second guessing every move he makes in bed or worse, just leave you. It is, however, very important to every man and woman to know that they are sexually satisfying their partner, so ignoring the issues all together is just hurting both sides. It is a good idea to let your partner gently know that you are not completely satisfyed but first try to understand what you think he is doing wrong.Is it insufficient foreplay, is he being too rough, does he give preference to positions you don't enjoy and so on?

Once you identify what you don't like, try to think how it could be done better. So , next time you have sex try whispering suggestions and maybe gently guide his hands and body to show him what pleases you. When he IS doing something right, show it with your voice, movements (what ever works for you)and when things are not so well, maybe offer him to change, try something else.

Another suggestion that can work for some is a 'bossy role play'. Offer him to play a game where you play a bossy woman and tell him exactly what to do in details and 'punish' him if he does it wrong. If done right it can be fun for both of you and he will better understand how to please you.

Finally, you can simply try to discuss it in a non sexual setting. Tell him what you think is not working and why you think so. Also ask him what he thinks can be improved, because there is a good chance he already senses that something is not right.

Before starting the conversation, however, try to come up with ideas on how you can also improve in bed, so that he doesn't feel blamed for everything. It will probably take some time for things to improve, but if you really love this person and he loves you, you will be able to work it out.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.