How should I manage my child's temper tantrums?

No question that tantrums (especially the public ones) can be some of the most frustrating times we have as parents. Choose your battles. If your kid is known to throw a whopping tantrum if he doesn't get extra milk in his cereal, what does it hurt to give him some extra milk?

Obviously, you don't want to give in too much or all the time, but it's important to let kids "win" sometimes. The easiest thing is to give in; to do anything to stop the insanity. Intellectually, we know that's not good, because it reinforces bad behavior.

Practically speaking, it's much harder to stand your ground. Harder, but not impossible. These strategies should help: Certainly, some parts of a child's temperament and personality are intrinsic, but much of our kids' behavior comes from modeling.

Youngsters who see their parents lash out (at each other, at kids, at the Bears) are much more likely to lash out when they're angry. So the first step is to try to stay calm and cool, even when disciplining your children. His mirror neurons will kick in, and over the long run, you'll likely have far fewer public displays of destruction.

We believe that the best way to handle temper tantrums is through prevention. Learn to predict the times when your child may be more likely to toss his milk at the people at the next table. That way, you can either avoid public situations or perform a timely intervention.

The truth is that tantrums are surprisingly predictable; they often happen when kids are overtired, over-stimulated, or hungry. (Same holds true for adults, right?) These explosive moments are typically preceded by a sullen or quiet period; the proverbial calm before the storm. Then when he tries to do something he can't do or is denied something, it's not long before a little whining morphs into a category 5 hurricane.

If you do your best to keep your child well fed, relaxed, and well rested (quiet time can be as effective as naps), fewer of those storms will make landfall. You shouldn't let a child's habit of throwing tantrums deter you from saying "no." Kids need boundaries for many reasons, and they need to know "no."

However, you may find that it's more effective to avoid using the N word directly. Changing the way you tell your child that you're denying him something can be a good way to diffuse a volatile situation.

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