How should I tell my partner that I have bipolar disorder?

Telling your romantic partner that you have bipolar disorder is a particular challenge potentially made easier by realizing that he or she has probably noticed symptoms of your illness and that sharing this information may help explain your behavior. As part of this disclosure, you may also want to discuss the sexual implications of some of your medications, or your depressive or manic episodes. If you have a strong relationship with your partner, this discussion can bring you closer.

Make a special time to have this conversation, avoiding dinnertime and bedtime. If you have alienated your partner as a result of the behaviors associated with your illness, you may choose to tell him or her in front of a third party, such as a psychotherapist or religious leader, who can help you discuss any related issues. If you're dating someone new, tell him or her as soon as you feel comfortable enough to do so.

This is important information that your partner will need to know if you want to have an open, honest relationship with him or her. This also helps your partner provide the support you need. It's much better for you to spend your energy on getting better than on protecting your secret.

If you're single and on the dating scene, you may want to know when is the right time to tell your new love interest. The first date is much too early. Whenever the relationship is becoming serious is the right time to share this information about yourself.

It's an important part of who you are, and anyone who's getting close to you should have this information to know you better and understand what issues he or she may have to deal with, presently or in the future. It's only fair to allow the other person to assess his or her relationship with you. Although your treatment and maintenance plan may be keeping you stable, you may have mood fluctuations that affect the relationship.

Most likely you'll need support from your partner if you experience symptoms, because he or she will be close enough to you to see changes in your behavior. Asking your partner to inform you of any changes he or she sees in your behavior and giving your partner access to others in your support network are good ways to include him or her in your support network.

Consider carefully whether to tell your coworkers or employer that you have bipolar disorder because of the potential implications on your job and the possibility of stigmatization in the workplace. If you've had job performance issues in the past, telling your employer may help him or her understand why you had these problems. Also take the opportunity to let your employer know that you're actively seeking treatment, which will improve your future performance.

It may be helpful to consult with your human resources department before talking with your immediate superiors. Remember that you have certain rights under the Americans with Disabilities Act; you may choose to ask for reasonable accommodations that would allow you to improve your performance. It's a good idea to consult with a lawyer before talking to anyone at your workplace so you can understand the legal and financial implications of your decision.

If you have bipolar disorder, you may choose to tell your family individually or as a group. You could break the news at a family gathering or start with parents or siblings. Factors to consider are how close your relationship is to each family member, how open you think they'll be to hearing what you have to say, and how supportive they're likely to be.

Consider family therapy for your immediate family, including your children. This may help your family explore their feelings, and understand how your illness affects you and how they can be a part of your treatment plan.

Telling friends that you have bipolar disorder may be more difficult than telling family members, depending on the length and nature of the friendship. Some of your friends may have already experienced your mania or depression, which may help you explain to them what bipolar disorder is and how it affects your life. If you have a group of friends with whom you spend a lot of time, you might have them over for dinner and tell them all at once.

If you have individual friends who don't know each other, you'll need to tell them one at a time. Taking a walk or meeting in a park or a private location is a good setting for this important conversation.

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