How to deal with disrespect from my adult daughter?

I recently & repeatedly have had issues with my 30 year old daughter, most recently on Friday which caused me a great deal of self examination. Long story .. blah, blah, made my share of parenting mistakes, did my best .. blah, blah, who doesn't - that is what forgiveness is for. Over the years, like a starved dog, I've sat beneath her "table" of affections, lapping at tiny morsels of love.

On Friday I did my usual behavior of shrinking away, not confronting & cried my eyes out the rest of the night. I’ve given this chick WAY too much power and realize it is about acknowledging & accepting she has little respect for me.My Plan: To respect myself much more, be fair minded in response, and hope that she changes whatever childhood truths she believes about me. I can't change her truths; I can only change my own.

This is totally new territory for me & allowing that relationship take it's course (whatever course that may be) is lonely and scary. Asked by watercolorgal 25 months ago Similar questions: deal disrespect adult daughter Family > Parenting.

Similar questions: deal disrespect adult daughter.

Time to get a back bone..... and time to forgive yourself, accepting that whatever you did in the past you made a decision that it was the right thing to do for you at that time. Period. Done!

Over with! Your wrote (in black) and my comments (in blue) I recently & repeatedly have had issues with my 30 year old daughter, most recently on Friday which caused me a great deal of self examination. Long story .. blah, blah, made my share of parenting mistakes, did my best .. blah, blah, who doesn’t - that is what forgiveness is for.

Well like I wrote above... enough blaming yourself. Maybe you did not know any better, maybe you did not have a mentor to go to, maybe you did not have good examples in your life and looking back, you can be sure, the majority of the population will say: "Oh, boy, it I only knew then I what I know now"! YADDA, YADDA,... tell daughter to come back when her kids are 30 year old to discuss it!

Over the years, like a starved dog, I’ve sat beneath her "table" of affections, lapping at tiny morsels of love. So, you are one in zillions of mothers that spoiled her child to no end and as result you have a very self centered daughter that will learn too late how much you loved her. Nothing new.

All families have someone like that. Maybe daughter is not the affectionate type. On Friday I did my usual behavior of shrinking away, not confronting & cried my eyes out the rest of the night.

I’ve given this chick WAY too much power and realize it is about acknowledging & accepting she has little respect for me. I can’t tell you how many people come to me in tears asking me how come my children respect me. Well..... I ran my house like a mini boot camp.

Strict but fair. Gave the kids a lot of respect and expected the same back. Your words lead me to believe that when your daughter needed discipline you backed off.

She does not see you as a strong influence in her life. If you were a wishy-washy Mom she will compare you to others. It’s OK, too.

Forget it. Ancient history. My Plan: To respect myself much more, be fair minded in response, and hope that she changes whatever childhood truths she believes about me.

I can’t change her truths; I can only change my own. This is totally new territory for me & allowing that relationship take it’s course (whatever course that may be) is lonely and scary. Good for you.

Put yourself in front. When someone wants something from you think through it and if you have any doubts learn to say: "Sorry, NO! " If you stand on your two feet, defend your way of thinking, and correct the lies told she will have to ultimately admire you.

If you have to accept that you made mistakes (we all did) and tell her you are glad "she turned out so great! " Sarcasm intended! First reality check: We parents can brag all we want about how great our kids are and what a great job we did but in reality it takes children with accommodating personalities for all to go well.

If you have confrontational children you will have riots at home. Is not that simple. Maybe your daughter was a difficult child to begin with.

Second reality check: I’m 65 years old. My brother is 67 years old and lives in another country. We were witnesses of the same events in our lives until I was 23 years old and he was 25.

Few years ago I went to visit him and as we went down the memory lane it was incredible how we remembered the events differently. As the years pass, your memories change to make sense of the experience you gathered through the years. Growth keeps occurring.

If your daughter accuses you of poor motherly skills be truthful saying: "Oh yes, when I look back I see how naive and inexperienced I was. But I know better now! " I believe you are on the road to independence.

Tell your daughter that you are done with apologizing for past mistakes and that you will communicate with her only if she respects you the way you respect her. You do not need the drama and hurt. Move on!

It has been suggested that if one feels the way you do, you should write about it. Open your heart and you mind putting all the sorrow and anger on paper. After all is done, shredded or burn it.

Very cathartic and recommended by therapists. Out and gone! .

You can't force her to love you but you do deserve respect no matter what she thinks you have done, or not done. She is grown up, living her own life. You should be doing the same.

You don't need each other's approval. We can't choose our family, but only how we deal with them. Get out to a gym, join a reading group, take up a hobby you always wanted!

Do yoga. Be kind to yourself, and once you are, it is amazing how many wonderful things will come your way, without you having to chase after them. Total strangers have been more family to me than my own mother.

I don't choose to cut her off from my life because I know she needed me when I was growing up, and she had cancer, and needs me as she ages, but I do not go out of my way to line myself up for disappointment by hoping she is going to change. The only thing I can change in this situation is my own mind. In this case, that I will be kind and compassionate, but I will also speak my 'truth', that there are things she says and does, especially in relation to her 3 year old grandson, which are unacceptable.In the past, I was seen as the bad person with no manners, but now even my stepdad, who always used to take her side, agrees.

Sooo, if there are other people in the family who perceive the same thing that you do, don't be afraid to call her on it. She clearly has no compunction about doing it to you. Finally, is there anything that has changed the dynamic, like is she married, has a kid, has been taking money from you, what?

If her behavior is getting worse there has to be a reason for it, so it might be better to get to the root cause than try to deal with the symptoms. JMHO. Best of luck with it!

.

Setting healthy boundaries is a must It is simple to say, "I will not be treated this way any more. " You can speak to her with respect, and if she chooses to walk away that is her choice. But it would be good to make the points to her as you did to us.IE: your share of mistakes, did some good things too, am sorry for any pain that has caused you.

But we are both adults now, and if we can have a respectful relationship great, if not then I will not tolerate abuse. What you are describing is emotional and verbal abuse. You need to set limits, and stay firm about it.

The question I would ask you is: Can you tolerate continuing to be treated this way? And How will you feel if she walks away? Good luck to you Nancy Spend some time on the Alice Miller website below, your situation is similar but you are the one being abused Sources: WWW.alicemiller.

Com .

I wonder how things are going with your grown daughter. What you expressed here is exactly what I am going through. Have an only daughter who I sacrificed everything for.

She is unappreciative and does not treat me with respect. She was a good kid growing up, so enforceing boundaries was easy. Someone told me that since she was such an easy child to raise, that she never learned to respect me.It's terrible to go through this.

If I knew then what I know now....unfortunately, life doesn't work that way.

I can't believe I've stumbled on your story. I hope after all these months you can read my reply. I too, have a daughter who is 41 years old and I never know how I'm going to be received.

Like you, I too have made mistakes, but I thought we've sorted out our problems and could move on. I am being constantly critized and treated hurtful by her. I'm so afraid she will stop me from seeing my grandsons who are so wonderful.

I would love to have her acceptance and love, but I don't think this will happen anytime soon.

Just wondered if you are getting anywhere with gaining respect from your daughter. Read this just recently and although your post is probably quite old now, I thought I would respond and say how much I relate to your problem. My daughter is thirty-two and is just as feisty as ever, feeling justified at upsetting me whenever.

She simply gets annoyed because I try not to put up with it anymore. She doesn't want things to change I feel. Are you seeing any improvement and if so, what seemed to help?

Wow. I don't know if you are still having these issues with your daughter, but when I read what you wrote, it actually sounded like I had written it myself. I am dealing with exactly the same thing with my 32 year old daughter.

I would love to know how you are doing. If you would like to e-mail me, please do pansfaye@gmail. Com .

It would really help me to talk to someone going through the same thing.

Some things need to be said... As a grown daughter with a recently volatile relationship with My Mother, I'd like to give you a little look inside my head, maybe it will help. Discovering that our Parents aren't who we grew up thinking they were is a shock. And that in itself can make us angry & disrespectful.

I know I am and I don't always mean to be....Im just angry. What I want more than anything is to have that knock down drag out fight. Just blow up & get it over with.My mother's non-confrontational attitude just makes me angrier.

I feel like She is avoiding dealing with it. You may have to have that in her face conversation & tell her that you are sorry for the way She feels but that her attitude is not acceptable. Even though we are grown...we still want our parents to act like our parents.

I hope things work out...

My daughter is 24 and pregnant her and her husband are separated, he started going out drinking and she found someone who was like her at work and had a one nighter with him. She tells me I act like I'm glad they are getting divorced. I have talked with her husband and even got him into counseling, I don't know what more I can do.

She did this not me. They are both from Christian backgrounds. She isn't very nice to me at times and other times she is fantastic.

She has a lot of anger from my first marriage her Dad was very violent, why dosen't she take it up with him. My second marriage is great, we have been married 18 years. She starts counseling next Friday , I hope it helps.

I don't put up with her I put her in her place but it dosen't seem to work. I know she is hurting and she is very prideful. She is living with us until she can save some money for a place, she feels like a failure, sometimes she is very humble and cries about what she has done.

I'm am trying to support her and be forgiving, but I'm not quit sure how to handle her, I know she dosen't like to be ignored. Thanks .

If you're referring to your daughter as a "chick," that tells me your level of respect may not be as high as you think it is. Try as you might, you can't erase the URL1 may be easier for you to let go of your shortcomings than it is for her to accept her past and move forward. Perhaps you both need some professional help dealing with the challenging life she's led, and your responsibility in those challenges.

You don't have to do it alone..

" "I have a sweet young adult daughter, (24) on the cusp of getting engaged and making a life for herself..." "My 13yr daughter talks back to parents and adult authority. Has no respect. How can this be corrected?

" "I need to about the German culture and how to deal with them in a group therapy setting, not to offend or disrespect" "How can I handle the relationship my adult daughter is having?" "help with lying adult daughter" "Why does my cat like to sleep on top of me but beside (spooning) my adult daughter? " "Is this normal? I am starting to feel OVERLY critical and self reflective of my parenting with our?

Daughter?. " "PARENTING... on a scale of 1-10 how would you rate your parenting expertise?

I have a sweet young adult daughter, (24) on the cusp of getting engaged and making a life for herself...

My 13yr daughter talks back to parents and adult authority. Has no respect. How can this be corrected?

I need to about the German culture and how to deal with them in a group therapy setting, not to offend or disrespect.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.