I have 4 sisters in law. One is bossy/mean and never liked me. Issues at family gatherings. My husband only brother-help?

I have 4 sisters in law. One is bossy/mean and never liked me. Issues at family gatherings.My husband only brother-help I've been married 35 years with nice in-laws who seemed unable to do anything about my husband's younger sister while young.

She's had issues with most of us at one time or another. Her hatred of me was instant. The other sisters are fine unless she's around then they go along with her controlling and bossy ways to keep peace.

It ruins family gatherings. She's had issues with each of us at one time or another. But I'm her special target, as is her brother.

We avoid her at all cost. Good/bad? Asked by sisterv 11 months ago Similar questions: sisters law bossy Issues family gatherings husband brother help Society > Women.

Similar questions: sisters law bossy Issues family gatherings husband brother help.

Bad. Get away from them if they are not supportive of you. Let it go and screw her.

I had to do the same thing. Once that person is out of your life you will be much happier. If the other ones want to stay friends, good for them, but if they are a family of gossipers you won't win.It's your life.

You don't need that crap. Life is hard enough. Good luck to you.

I have given up family gatherings with a room full of people like that.

You are correct on all counts. I can confide in no one. My mother-in-law cannot keep a confidence- I found out the hard way.

Nothing I've tried has worked to help make a civil relationship. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't, so to speak. I'm seen as a suck up if I'm cordial, and stuck up if I try to avoid the situation.

The weakest sister becomes so anxious to be a part of things that she becomes nasty to me as well if she thinks it will gain her points with her sister. She's poor and wants to feel a part of things. It's sort of pathetic.

Unfortunately, I'll have to see my sister-in-law in the future along with the other 3 sisters. It's complicated, but what you say is sensible. Many thanks for your thoughts.

Sisterv 11 months ago .

If the others choose to accommodate her that's on them. Live your own life, you and your husband, and avoid this poisonous person as much as you can. When you can't just nod, make bland conversation, and be civil.

Good luck.

Good and sensible advice. I've used that tactic most of the time. However, gossip ensues.

I'm sort of in a no-win situation. However, I'm hearing what I knew in my gut would be best. Thank you for your help.

I need peace as our youngest daughter faces a major heart procedure. I don't want another year like this one just past. All the best and thanks again!

Sisterv 11 months ago .

Is there some kind of jealousy issue going on with her. Or could it be that she is just a drama queen who wants all of the attention focused on her when she gets around you. It could be many things going on their with her.

You say she is controlling. And bossy. Sometimes people with those kind of issues only see things one way.

And that is their way and no one else can have a say. Bullies are controlling. She may have been this way long before you met your husband/her brother.

If she was this way as a child. Then her parents must have allowed her to get away with it and she found her behavior exceptable. Or her parents did try to stop her.

But could not break her from behaving that way. You did not say how old his sister is. If she is an adult.

Then she knows better and only she can change her behavior and someone has to speak up and say enough is enough. She may have made you her target because you may be the one she thinks is the easiest to pick on. And why doesn't your husband stand up and speak to her about her targeting you,his wife.

Apparently, she's been that way since childhood. She was the type that picked my husband as target in "mother may I games", etc. To torment. There seems to be a constant need to be the "family spokesman" as well.

It's a sort of "my way or the highway" attitude. They had a paternal uncle with a very similar personality. He died alone after turning his back on his wife and children for no reason other than a disagreement.

He was that way with everyone with whom he disagreed. He never spoke to them again, that is unless, he needed something from you. She functions the same way.

She is motivated by using the system at all times to her best advantage. Money is a prime motivator- in all things. I feel sorry for my sister-in-law's husband, a nice man who seems sort of sad.

They spend a great deal of time apart. She's always off somewhere. He says he gave up trying to make the right choices long ago regarding gifts for her.

My husband learned as one of two sons, and the only one who survives, that his mother, who had no brothers, wouldn't advocate for him. She didn't understand. Who had no sisters, was gone for his job much of the time.

However, he did try at times with poor results. She and my father-in-law didn't get along at all. She may have reminded him of his only brother- the one with the same type of personality.

My husband avoids his sister whenever possible- that seems to keep him from becoming angry. And, due to the fact that we only see her on family occasions, it's difficult to take up the issue with her privately. This woman drinks a great deal socially- I can't speak to her private habits.

However, it's always to drunkeness when I've been around. My husband and I drink an occasional wine or beer, but that's it. I think misery may love company- I suspect she might be an alcoholic by now.

My father-in-law always drank the same way, but no longer because of medications he takes. I would always hear reports that they drank a lot together when he visited their home. Lastly, I'm a classically trained singer, a very good cook, worked in the fragrance/cosmetics industry as an account exec.

, I know how to make myself attractive, although I'm a bit round, and love books, and the arts. The children in my husband's family have no interest in any of those things. Their parents are working class people from the upper east coast who've made a decent life, but had little education.

She is very thin, moderately attractive, and likes to go on cruises to drink and lay out, or go to Las Vegas to gamble. As I write this I'm aware of how wide the gulf is! Many thanks for your thoughts.

As my husband's parents age further, I want to be able to have the most effective approach to dealing with my sister in law- we will have need of it. Sisterv 11 months ago .

I know it's not easy, but one doesn't have to be beholden to other people's opinions of us unless we decide to be beholden to them in our minds. In other words, "who cares? " Try adopting that stance with regards to the situation.

Turbulent family gatherings are tough, I'll admit, but really.... does it matter what she "thinks" about you? Laugh it off; with constant practice it'll get easier.

Refreshing and helpful attitude! Thank you so much! Sisterv 11 months ago .

Glad I could be of some help. Sometimes it's good to take other peoples' opinions of us into account, because it causes us to reflect on the impact, positive or negative, we have on others. Other times, it makes our lives hell.

We make an unconscious decision to care about what EVERYONE "thinks" of us; to a greater or lesser extent (depending on the individual) it seems like part of human nature to do this... but we have to override that, really, with a conscious decision to use that "caring" a bit more selectively. It takes a lot of practice, because when we do this, we're changing a very fundamental aspect of our worldview... and that's no insignificant thing.

This was truly an exercise in getting outside views. Very difficult to be objective when one is in the middle of the maelstrom. Thanks again.

All the best in the New Year! Sisterv 11 months ago .

Merely accept her for what and who she is. If she is really an asshoule, allow her to be...herself! It just ain't your problem.

Jut say, "well that's ______, bless her heart"! .

My brother in law has cancer. He has no insurance. How can I raise money to help him & his family?

Please help! " "How to deal with a bossy, self-righteous and tyrant elder brother?

My brother in law has cancer. He has no insurance. How can I raise money to help him & his family?

Please help!

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.