I love my girlfriend but she cheated after almost 5 years being together and now I don't know what to do. Help?

I love my girlfriend but she cheated after almost 5 years being together and now I don't know what to do. Help! We started dating in our early 20's and things were great.. We rarely argued and love each other deeply.

But she recently cheated on me w/ a guy friend twice. She didn't confess, I found out. Now I'm trying to decide if I should forgive her and take her back, like she is begging for me to do, or if I should attempt to date other women and have her move out.

I do love her however now I'm thinking I could meet other girls that share more in common with me then she does, which always concerned me. Asked by Confused83 2 months ago Similar Questions: love girlfriend cheated years Help Recent Questions About: love girlfriend cheated years Help Lifestyle > Relationships.

Similar Questions: love girlfriend cheated years Help Recent Questions About: love girlfriend cheated years Help.

Well if she had any respect or love for you she would not have cheated. You should move on you could find someone who would never do that to you. I firmly believe once a cheater always a cheater and who knows if she did it more than once.

I just worry that when people take back someone who cheated, that person will just cheat on them again and its like saying its ok I will still take you back. She will think if she does it again you will just keep taking her back. You are the one who got hurt and she doesn't care about your feelings.

You deserve better than that and don't think any different.

Thanks for the reply.. I do know for a fact that she knows that if I do take her back, and she does it again, I will be gone. No tears, no anger, just gone. I can see it in her eyes that she is in a lot of a pain, and that her tears when she thinks about losing me are real.

She really does love me, I know that. She says she was just confused for a little bit about what she really wanted out of life, and now she after seeing how badly she hurt me, she sees clearly what she wants... and that's to take care of me and never make me feel like the way she did again. I'm not a sucker and have been taking her words with skepticism but part of me feels like it could work.... I just don't want to take her back and get married and have kids only for her to realize that she doesn't want to be with me.

She's an emotional woman and I'm afraid that one day if we have a few months of arguing, some guy is going to play the "best friend" role again and sneak his way through a crack in her armor because we've "been arguing" so much...... Confused83 2 months ago .

(This is the first time she's cheated in her life, by the way) Confused83 2 months ago .

Share more in common with me then she does, which always concerned me"Sounds like your relationship has run it's course and come up empty..Look at the bright side... The same thing woulda happened married with 3 kids..."Early 20's, things were great"... People grow and change, oftentimes not at the same speed.."Cheated on me with a guy friend--twice"... Twice, means she likes it....The next time out, it gets easier and easier..."Forgive her and take her back"... Are you kidding! It will eat at you.. Male ego is fragile.. There's an awful lot of fish in the sea...Unless you're some kinda creep, you're now older and wiser to the situation.. You may find yourself fighting off the female admirers..If you're lucky, you just might meet a new sweetheart, that makes you wonder what did you possibly see in the previous one..

Thanks for the reply.. I agree that at this point the relationshipran it's course... But then again, I have heard that in some situations this situation has made the marriage stronger. I know that's silly and that the chances of it happening again versus it actually helping are much higher, but I can't help to think I am walking away from a sweet girl that really and truly cares for me. I know it's hard to imagine doing this to someone if you really do care for them, but let's face it...people make mistakes.

The question is, is this a one time mistake? Is there a deep down reason she did this? I agree, people grow and change at different speeds.

No argument there. Yes, the first and second time were roughly 2~ weeks apart. Then they did nothing for a month but talk about it and why she was having feelings towards him, and then I found out... She hasn't seen him or talked to him since.

It has eaten at me, but I am also capable, in the past at least, of true forgiveness. I agree there are a lot of woman in the sea and it is very true I am older and wiser than when we began dating 5 years ago. Finding new women will not be an issue as well, I don't mean to sound cocky at all but I'm fairly attractive, have a stable career, and have a pretty good and honest head on my shoulders.

I know I'm a decent catch at least. I just have a hard time feeling like I could find someone that cared for me as much as she did. I know its easy to say she never cared for me, but that's an outsiders view and its a tough call to make without actually knowing us.

She did care for me, as I did her. I just can't see myself thinking of her as some awful person years from now if I meet a new sweetheart like you saw.... What she did was absolutlely awful, but that doesn't make her an awful person. Confused83 2 months ago .

With this experience under your belt, you're more likely to find someone---BETTER....

I don't think dating for 5 years is a bad thing at all. Too many people get married these days way too quickly, which is one reason I believe we have such a high divorce rate. If you love someone, then marriage just becomes a sheet of paper making it official.

Dating for __ years should never be considered a cause for cheating, at least in my opinion. I would hope that if we stay together, that in 10 years the pain would be less. Though I'm sure there would still be repercussions... but to be honest I still see there being effects of this in my future relationships... Maybe I was just simply too trustworthy.

And about finding someone better... This may be true. But it may not. I do know that if I do decide to move on, I am more mature, better career, and have more goals than I did a few years ago.

I'm honestly just kind of freaked out at the thought of never finding anyone that cares as much as she did. Confused83 2 months ago .

Clearly, she does not love you deeply, or she would not cheat on you. This is going to continue to happen. Time to move on.

You need to find a new girlfriend. BTW, if you haven't progressed beyond bf/gf after 5 years, it's time to move on anyway. BTW, what makes you think it's only been twice?

If she is that untrustworthy and disrespects you that much, she doesn't love you.

It was really me waiting on marriage.. I didn't want to get married when either of us had any debt, and I had a good job and money wouldn't be an issue anymore. I believe her when she says it happened twice, I can't say why because logic obviously says I shouldn't believe anything she says... But I believe her. She could have lied and said it happened only once as well.

She could also be lying about it only happening twice. I'm not discounting it and saying it's impossible, but I am choosing to believe that she is being honest about how many times it happened. Thanks for the advice!

Confused83 2 months ago .

People may outgrow friends. I would let each other date and if you are still right for each other then it will happen.

Midlife Crisis...wonder what's out there. Let her go...see if she comes back.

I'm not even 30 yet, haha... That made me sad. HahahaI'm thinking about your first post. I think that's the next step.

Confused83 2 months ago .

I know you came here seeking advice from other people about your relationship problem, but try not to pay too much attention to the negitive responses. If you see and believe in your heart that she is sorry for what she did, and you truely love her, then go with what your heart tells you. You're right when you said that everybody makes mistakes.

We are all human. And humans make mistakes. But we, as humans, also have the ability to learn from our mistakes.

Im sorry for the pain you are feeling. I know how it feels too.

Wow. I saw this post and decided to actually try this type of thing for the first time. I don't know if the person who originally wrote the problem is still look at this, but I hope so and for whomever else may care.

I have been in a very similar situation. I am in your position and it happened to me with a girl that I felt meant the world to me. Actually the problem was recent as well.

There's a few things I would like to clarify first:1: Don't let you and her start seeing other people to see if you still have feelings for each other later still. Love is based one a two way street and each person has to put forth their effort to make the love and relationship work best. Any relationship can work given based on how adaptable the two people are and the amount of effort they are willing to put into the relationship.

There are two types of people when it comes to this idea of separating. The person who looks to the future for happiness and the person who is sentimental. It only takes one of you who is sentimental to get back together again, while the other person can choose to be honest with their feelings or act like they agree.

If you both look to the future, then time will always make you both continue life. Some move faster than others in their actions to show one attitude or the other.2: I have studied people for a very long time. The reason the divorce rate is so high in USA is because we are taught certain morals or values that seem like they are correct and good, but are two sided.

Such as a true friend will accept you no matter what you do. These types of ideas seem to be coming more common. They seem good, but they are very self centered ideas.

Ideas like these when used in relationships make it hard to work out problems. To simplify what I could turn into a very long speech...is that people are always demanding things faster, more concerned on how everything benefits themselves, blame others for their problems or mistakes, and have little patience to try to make things work or solve problems that they feel might take up too much time or effort.3: As it has been mentioned before..forgiveness and forget is a must. Imagine someone knowing about something you regret and bringing it up constantly throughout life.

It hurts much worse when it's from someone you love. So if you can't forgive and forget and she really is regretting what she did, then bringing it up would feel like torment from hell. It's like telling someone they are worthless and they start to feel empty inside to the point life becomes less meaningful.

That's not always the case, but usually to some degree it's very true. The other possibility is that if you bring it up again, she will feel really hurt inside where she wants to get back at you. This is a basic instinct people have.

Someone hurts you, then you hurt them. This feeling might cause her to cheat on you again. If she is very good at acting with tears, which there are people who are not in Hollywood that deserve awards for their acting emotional, then it would not bother her and she would continue....maybe not with him, but someone else.

From what you said it sounds like she is not that type, but people's personalities develop differently, so it could be a possibility she could become that way. Depends on her morals and values.

Continuation of my first reply-So my opinion would be if you were to continue you should talk with her and communicate. Understand each others morals and values and talk about what you expect or want from each other. There is always ways to improve a relationships.

Communication as you and most probably know is a huge key to success in any area of life. As for me...what I did in my situation that was very similar to yours..I did the hardest thing I think it is to do. Talk about what happened.

Talk about what made her make that choice, ask her if you did something that made her think twice about your relationship, what in the relationship could be improved in her ideas, set up some rules or agreement to prevent what lead up to her cheating on you in the first place. As you must understand, and most people seem to understand poorly, is yes, there is a reason why a girl cheats on another person. Some girls don't like to be limited to one guy, because they are selfish and think more of themselves than they really are.

Some girls are very emotional and want someone who there who will care for them, so when the person they love most hurts them they become emotionally unstable and follow basic instinct of ignore problem to get try to get rid of it, hurt the other person back, find someone who they feel cares about them, and there are some other reasons as well. For my situation....she would put herself in situations that would make herself look and feel vulnerable and that way it was almost impossible to not have sex. After the second time she had sex...I knew she did it, because I have learned how to read people very well and noticing reactions from body, words, and tone of voice made me suspect it.

Then the 3rd time it happened I knew it did, because her conscious showed it by her body, words, and tone of voice. She denied it at first, but as I could saw how it was eating her up...I treated the situation as if I was a friend instead of her boyfriend. This is as much I will explain as I know there are many people that don't deserve to understand psychology of different people, because of how selfish many people in the world really are.

And what I mean is I got her to tell me who, how many times, and details of what happened and I did not yell and scream at her as soon as she admitted it. Yes...she may have deserved it or maybe she didn't deserve any of my time at all. Unfortunately in my case it turned out she is a very self centered person and enjoys attention from more than 1 guy.

Once I found that out I let her go and even explained why. Those last parts are not necessary unless you are trying to stay friends after and your way too nice, but this way is the way of least pain and knowing what went wrong, so you don't have to think about it anymore and wonder. To simplify and summarize...if you take her back, which it sounds like you made up your mind subconsciously already, then you should you should just get back together.

Forgive and forget the mistake after you have had a chance to find out everything you want to know about what happened, communicate each others expectations, values, morals, and set rules and standards for each other would be a definite plus. I know she was the one to cheat on you, but to mend your love and trust in this relationship both her and you will need to set rules and standards to prevent either one of you cheating in the future...things that will apply to both of you, so she doesn't feel like the rest of her life will be reminded to her by rules that only apply to her....because that is torture if she really does regret what she did and if the rules only applied to her it would deepen a gap in your relationship with her. Hope this helps .

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I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.