I think it's time for a good laugh. Here's my contribution. What joke do you have to share with us?

I think it's time for a good laugh. Here's my contribution. What joke do you have to share with us?

Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east. ”The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a navy captain!

Change your course, sir! ”“I’m a seaman, second class,” comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.

”Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!

”There is one last reply. “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.

” Asked by ~3critters1nheavn~ 26 months ago Similar questions: time laugh contribution joke share Entertainment > Humor.

Similar questions: time laugh contribution joke share.

Ghost toasties with evaporated milk. (Thanks to Bobbi) What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation? A blood vessel... What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?

A scareplane... What type of dog do vampire's like the best? Bloodhounds... What is a ghoul's favorite flavor? Lemon-slime... What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?

A stake sandwich... What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument? A trombone... What do birds give out on Halloween night?Tweets... Why do vampires need mouthwash? They have bat breath... What's a vampire's favorite fast food?

A guy with very high blood pressure... Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal? He heard it had great circulation... Why did the dyslexic vampire starve to death? He couldn't find any dloob... Did you hear about the cannibal boy that was 8 before he was 7?

Hehehehe... (Thanks to Raoul) Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school? He was buttering up his teacher... What does a cannibal get when he comes home late for dinner? The cold shoulder... (Thanks to Kelli) Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his mother-in-law in the jungle?

Hee hee... What do you get when you goose a ghost? A handful of sheet... (Thanks to Annette) What kind of car does a ghost drive? A Boo-ick... What did the mother ghost say to her son?

Don't spook unless you are spooken to... (Thanks to Kyle) What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Sham-boo... Why did the ghost pick his nose? Because he had boogers... (Thanks to Pearline) What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boojeans... (Thanks to Amanda) Why wasn't the vampire working? He was on a coffinbreak... What do skeletons say before eating? Bone Appétit... (Thanks to Calvin) What does a child monster call his parents?

Mummy and Deady... Where do fasionable ghosts shop for sheets? At bootiques... What ride do spirits like best at the amusement park? The roller ghoster... What do you get when you cross a ghost with an owl?

Something that scares people and doesn't give a hoot... What fairy tale do ghosts like best? Sleeping booty... What kind of spirits serve food on a plane? Airline ghostesses... What kinds of ghosts haunt skyscrapers?

.. Why did the skeleton climb a tree? Because a dog was after its bones... (Thanks to Kirsty) How do you make a witch scratch? Just take away the W... Where do ghosts go swimming?

The dead sea... Why was the witch's cat giggling? Because it was a giggle puss... (Thanks to Sam) What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope it's Halloween... What do you call a skeleton stone age family?

The Flintbones... (Thanks to Gareth) What did the witch say to the midget vampire skeleton? Bony little bloodsucker, aren't you?... (Thanks to Quinn) What's the difference between a fisherman and a sick ghost? One catches his dinner, the other one loses it... Did you hear about the new Dracula doll?

Wind it up and it bites Barbie on the neck... What did the t.v. News reporter say to the ghost? Everyone dead!

Boos at 11... What is a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor?Veinilla... (Thanks to Hazel) Why is a haunted handkerchief so scary? Because it has boogers... (Thanks to Sassy) What did the three vampires order at the bar? Two bloods and a blood light... (Thanks to Shelly) How did the priest make holy water?

He took some tap water and boiled the hell out of it... What do you give a vampire with a cold? Coffindrops... What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantern? A pumpkin patch... What kind of shoes do ghosts from Texas wear?Boots... (Thanks to Alan) Why did the Cyclops have to close his school?

He only had one pupil... (Thanks to Frances) Why isn't Dracula invited to many Halloween parties? Because he's a pain in the neck... (Thanks to Frances) Who is a skeleton's favorite emperor? Napoleon Boneaparte... (Thanks to Haley) Why did the vampires cancel their baseball game?

They couldn't find their bats... (Thanks to Kelli) What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin pi... (Thanks to Valerie) Which monster likes to fly kites in the rain? Benjamin Franklinstein... (Thanks to Tingen) What did the skeleton say to the bartender?

I'll have two beers and a mop... What did the mummy say to the detective? Let's wrap this case up... Why was the witch kicked out of witching school? Because she flunked spelling... (Thanks to Richard) When a witch lands after flying, where does she park?

The broom closet... (Thanks to Danielle and Jessica) Where was satan's son born? Deathlehem... (Thanks to ChanceInn) Why can't skeletons play music in church? Because they have no organs... How do you tell twin witches apart?

You can't tell which which is which... (Thanks to Taylor) What do you call a dead chicken that likes to scare people? A Poultrygeist... (Thanks to Chris) .

Lololol I don't think I can top that one! I ain't even gonna try! Sources: rednecksputter, Phill-oss-a-fur, read some, been places .

2 Costume PartyA couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party.In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

S wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing.

You know I never have a good time when you're not there."Then she asked, "Did you dance much? "He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.

But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time! " .

Costume PartyA couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

S wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing.

You know I never have a good time when you're not there. "Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.

But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!

Wonder no more! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried. The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing: "Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Then they kick him in the ice hole. " Did you really think I knew anything about penguins?

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Wonder no more! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried. The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing: "Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Then they kick him in the ice hole. " Did you really think I knew anything about penguins?

Okay gang. Help me find humor in this. I would much rather laugh than get angry.

The Hobbits are at it again. " "New clean joke to share? Here is mine:" "Let's have "Fun Friday!"

Do you have a good joke to share? " "It's that time of day to share a good clean joke! What do you have to share?

What will make us laugh or groan? " "Okay. Are you ready?

It's time to laugh. You know the routine. A good CLEAN joke.

What do you have to post? " "Time for a joke! What joke do you have to share tonight?" "Have you ever pulled a really belly laugh joke on someone?

What did you do, and what was the penance? " "Do you have a favorite (clean) joke? If so, please share it!

" "It's joke time! " "It's Tuesday. Time for a CLEAN joke, one liner or a groaner.

What is your contribution tonight?

Okay gang. Help me find humor in this. I would much rather laugh than get angry.

The Hobbits are at it again.

Let's have "Fun Friday! " Do you have a good joke to share?

It's that time of day to share a good clean joke! What do you have to share? What will make us laugh or groan?

Okay. Are you ready? It's time to laugh.

You know the routine. A good CLEAN joke. What do you have to post?

Time for a joke! What joke do you have to share tonight?

It's Tuesday. Time for a CLEAN joke, one liner or a groaner. What is your contribution tonight?

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.