If you found out your ex, the father of your child, was a criminal and was serving time, what would you tell your child?

I actually work with families in this situation, and I agree that honesty is best. Kids grieve for lost parents, no matter how they are lost. It helps the grieving process to include children, such as asking them about their feelings, seeing how involved they want to be in things (when appropriate), and communicating openly.

Kids also have a tendency to blame themselves for things and being honest with them can help mitigate that. It's also common for kids to invent stories when they aren't given honest answers, and sometimes what they dream up is far, far worse than what's actually happening. I think the key is being age-appropriate.

A four-year-old, for instance, could probably understand "daddy made a mistake and he's in time out. When grown ups have time out, they have to go live in special places with other grown ups in time out. He has to stay there for a while."

A nine or ten-year-old could probably understand the concept of "prison," but needs to be told that it's not like the movies, and their parent isn't being subjected to violence (per se). Kids that age can probably be told (depending upon the kid, of course) what prisons are really like, and might even be able to sit with a parent and do research about what kinds of programs, educational opportunities, and jobs are available in the prison where their dad is. They can also be told about how stigma, and how it's okay to keep the information private, or to tell people, as they chose.

They should know that some people might make fun of them, but they have a right to talk about their parent, to feel about their parent however they wish, and to be proud of their parent. They should know that making one mistake doesn't make you an inherently bad person. I'm a big advocate of taking kids to visit their incarcerated parents, but if they didn't really have a relationship before, that might not make sense to do.

The big thing for me would be to make sure the child knew that they were just as good as everyone else, they weren't necessarily going to follow the same path, and that there are many, many other kids in their situation.

Children have a right to know about their parents. However, there is a right time and place for everything. When they are young, explaining jail and what Dad did to get there may not be appropriate.As they get older they will need to know the truth.

Once children reach the teen years, I think that it's best to be honest. The resentment that they could have from you lying to them, could carry greater consequences than you may think.

I would. It wouldn't be easy, but I believe in being honest with my kids, even about painful stuff. Without honest information, children are left to create a hero parent in their imaginations, and often, the letdown from finding out later that their absent parent wasn't the person they imagined is greater than the pain of knowing the truth all along.In telling my child, I would reserve judgment and be matter of fact.

I would say, "Dad made some bad choices and now he is doing what he needs to do to make it right. " I would be involved and understanding of any emotions my child might have, and I would be open to answering questions to a point. I don't believe I'd need to go into detail if it were a violent crime, but the fact that a crime was committed would not be kept from them.

I actually work with families in this situation, and I agree that honesty is best. Kids grieve for lost parents, no matter how they are lost. It helps the grieving process to include children, such as asking them about their feelings, seeing how involved they want to be in things (when appropriate), and communicating openly.

Kids also have a tendency to blame themselves for things and being honest with them can help mitigate that. It's also common for kids to invent stories when they aren't given honest answers, and sometimes what they dream up is far, far worse than what's actually happening. I think the key is being age-appropriate.

A four-year-old, for instance, could probably understand "daddy made a mistake and he's in time out. When grown ups have time out, they have to go live in special places with other grown ups in time out. He has to stay there for a while.

" A nine or ten-year-old could probably understand the concept of "prison," but needs to be told that it's not like the movies, and their parent isn't being subjected to violence (per se). Kids that age can probably be told (depending upon the kid, of course) what prisons are really like, and might even be able to sit with a parent and do research about what kinds of programs, educational opportunities, and jobs are available in the prison where their dad is. They can also be told about how stigma, and how it's okay to keep the information private, or to tell people, as they chose.

They should know that some people might make fun of them, but they have a right to talk about their parent, to feel about their parent however they wish, and to be proud of their parent. They should know that making one mistake doesn't make you an inherently bad person. I'm a big advocate of taking kids to visit their incarcerated parents, but if they didn't really have a relationship before, that might not make sense to do.

The big thing for me would be to make sure the child knew that they were just as good as everyone else, they weren't necessarily going to follow the same path, and that there are many, many other kids in their situation.

Children have a right to know about their parents. However, there is a right time and place for everything. When they are young, explaining jail and what Dad did to get there may not be appropriate.

As they get older they will need to know the truth. Once children reach the teen years, I think that it's best to be honest. The resentment that they could have from you lying to them, could carry greater consequences than you may think.

I would. It wouldn't be easy, but I believe in being honest with my kids, even about painful stuff. Without honest information, children are left to create a hero parent in their imaginations, and often, the letdown from finding out later that their absent parent wasn't the person they imagined is greater than the pain of knowing the truth all along.

In telling my child, I would reserve judgment and be matter of fact. I would say, "Dad made some bad choices and now he is doing what he needs to do to make it right. " I would be involved and understanding of any emotions my child might have, and I would be open to answering questions to a point.

I don't believe I'd need to go into detail if it were a violent crime, but the fact that a crime was committed would not be kept from them.

I agree with the others that being honest to the child is the best thing. I would definitely make sure they were old enough to understand it and could handle it. It's better for them to find out about it from the mom rather than from mean kids at school that might know.

:-).

I would tell them once they were old enough to understand the difference between right and wrong. I don't agree with sheltering a child from the realities of life, and unfortunately, that is one of the realities. It is natural for a child to want to know about an absent parent and being truthful is important for ethical reasons as well as setting an example.

If you lied to your children, it would likely "come back" on you someday. You would also need to keep up the lie. It would be difficult to keep the truth from them and they would likely resent the fact that you lied to them when they found out.

I would have to tell the child the truth. I might not go into explicit detail about the event but I would not be able to hide the truth. The child might have problems excepting the facts, but there is help available if needed for that.

I have always said and tried so hard let my children have their own relationship with their dad. I tried to let them decide if they wanted to go with him or not ( he was not in jail, Iam saying for a visit or weekend), if they wanted to call him or if they just did not want to be bothered. Now that my daughters are grown up they can see their dad for who he is and thank goodness it is through seeing him in their own eyes.

flickr.com/photos/tingreen/267240598.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.