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I've just started my senior year of high school too, and I know what you're going through. For years I've had this lack of motivation, and horrible headaches, etc--depression, basically. I just got out of a relationship that I knew could never work out...but I tried anyway.
I don't know why I did it, and I really liked him a lot. When we stopped seeing each other, it was painful. I felt like I was worthless, and that I couldn't even fall in love right.
I don't have a job, and I don't have many close friends. My grades are...meh. I just always felt like a failure, and I kind of snapped after that stupid relationship ended.
Not too long ago, though, I vented this stuff to a friend of mine. We weren't even really close, but I needed to get it out. So...we talked a lot, and I kind of decided I really wanted to feel better.
Eventually, she convinced me to talk to my folks about it and I went to see a doctor. Even just talking to my parents about it made me feel lighter and less weighed down, in spite of how much I'd dreaded it. My doctor explained to me that it's not just something to shrug off, like teen angst.
It's a disease, and it will eat away at you until you get help. You and I have had a pretty crap-tastic time with teenager-dom, but nobody should feel like we do. I am taking you serious, and so will your parents and your doctor (especially your doctor, trust me).
You are a deep and complex person, with emotions hiding that have to surface sometime. Online girlfriends DO count. The same friend that I told you about has been dating the same guy ONLINE for four years now, and they've met in real life and have every intention of staying together.
It's the truth. Besides, the love you felt for that girl and whatever emotions she felt for you are and were real. Don't pretend that they weren't.
Online is part of your reality, and that's the only reality that matters. You are something, and someone. And I don't want to get all religious and stuff on you, but you are important in the world and there is a purpose for you, just like there is for me.
Best of all, there is a woman out there, waiting for you. You probably haven't met her yet; you're not ready for her yet, and she might not be ready for you. Yes, you will probably have medication to take.
Yes, it is terrifying to open up to people--your parents in particular. But just know that I have been EXACTLY where you are, and I am digging out of the hole. So...I'd love it if you started to dig with me.
Cause that's just wrong. Anyway, if you don't trust doctors, I know how you can get help. I'm not some religious nut job, but I believe in God and Jesus and I think that, if you pray about your feelings, one or both of Them will send you a sign and help you feel better.
Also, if you feel bad about all the poor people, why not help out at a soup kitchen. And, find an activity that you're good at and do it a lot, so you feel better about yourself and have better self esteem. Plus, if there's an adult you trust, talk to them about your feelings.
I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.