Martial art for fitness,self defense and spirituality?

Despite the common claim, no, no martial arts were really designed around fighting bigger people. They were designed around fighting simply people, and knowing something the other guy didn't would give you an edge, even if he were bigger. You have to fight differently depending on your height/reach relative to your opponent, but the only thing fighting a bigger person means is that you have to have MORE technique to succeed.

There are no magical anti-big-guy techniques that will suddenly make a 300lbs person weightless or something. It sounds to me that your main issue, that of seeing openings, really doesn't have anything to do with size. It has to do with things like speed, timing, and fight acumen, the latter of which only really comes from experience.

Big or small, there are drills you can do that will help you build all of that. I would recommend specific two-man drills and isolated sparring before moving on to full-on sparring. One of the problems I see with a lot of martial arts schools is that they go from solo work to full-on sparring with no intermediate steps.

I know of specific drills, depending on the format (boxing/kickboxing, submission grappling/BJJ, Judo, MMA, Chi Sau from Wing Chun, etc) but can't really offer much advice without knowing what format you're using to test your skills. However, an example might be to have your opponent initiate a half-speed attack, then freeze at the end of it as you defend so you can see where they're open. Or reverse roles, and have them freeze when they defend, so you can see what's open there.

Throwing in false attacks ("feints") during sparring can also get you to gauge your opponent's reaction. Or do combination drills where you flow from one technique to another, so you don't get stuck if your initial attack fails. Those are just some ideas, but again, without knowing your format, I can only be minimally helpful.

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