Omg hunn im SO sorry. I too recently lost my hamster she too was my life and joy and happiness. But I got over it I cried for about a week and sometimes I still do get rather sad about it but it will be ok I promise :) its natural to grieve over the death of a loved one.
And please don't talk about killing yourself that is crazy talk you don't want to do this trust me. Only time can heal your pain. It healed mine and it has healed every single other pet owner out there who has lost a beloved fury friend.
And don't blame yourself for it cuz it wasnt your fault in any way. Everything happens for a reason and to tell you the truth I think you did the right thing by not putting her down. I know people who have put down there pets then gotten severe depression from the guilt they felt about doing it.
And im sure she wasnt in pain when the moment came. Just remember shes in a better place and its not good bye forever youll see her again someday but not anytime soon cuz you still have a life to live. I know this sounds kinda dumb but she would have wanted you to carry on.
So please don't feel guilty you didn't do anything wrong and don't worry cuz shes not alone up there my hamsters up there to :) I too miss my hamsters black shiny eyes staring up at me but whenever I think of her I always smile cuz I imagine her running around playing with other hamsters and rats and animals.
PLEASE PLEASE don't feel like this there is a not a chance in the world this was your fault! You did everything you could Mischief is probably up in heaven wishing you didn't feel like this! 2 years is an amazing life span for a rat and I felt the same way when my rats died you need to know mischief loves you and you were the best owner a rat could ask for never ever ever!
Blame this on you, what I do with my animals that have passed away is put a picture of them up in my room and talk to them on there birthday and Christmas and times like that, and i'm not saying your just gonna be fine by tomorrow it will take time but you'll feel better every time you talk to there picture and think about it and know you did every thing you could! (: hope you start to feel better :) <3 <3 xxxx.
I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.