One minute I love life the next I wanna end it, what is wrong with me?

I think your past relationships holds the keys to the answers. It's possible that you have tough time trusting him because of the past and stop loving him for moment could be a way to defend yourself. Are you worried about him leaving you?

Are you worried about him hating you? There can be lots of worries and anxiety in relationships till the trust become firm between each others. By saying "I don't want to hurt him anymore" could be a way to get out from those worries.

I cant really gove you an answer,but what I can give you is a way to a solution, that is you have to find the anglde that you relate to or peaks your interest. A good paper is one that people get drawn into because it reaches them ln some way.As for me WW11 to me, I think of the holocaust and the effect it had on the survivors, their families and those who stood by and did nothing until it was too late.